Honeydukes Two: Hell To Pay
by Without permission
Summary: Sequel to Honeydukes. There's a killer on the loose! He's killing every student, what does he want? Full summary inside and this time we'll have a bit of a Cute!Draco
1. Summer

Disclaimer: (blink blink) uh...I don' own Harry Potter? (scratches head) WHY CAN'T I!?

Summary: There's a killer on the loose! Students are trapped in Hogwarts and are getting killed, uno by uno...will Harry and Co. capture the killer and bring safety to the world once again? Will Harry/Draco's bar business be a hit? Will Hermione finally stop chewing gumballs? And Will Pansy ever get lucky with Ron!? Read and find out (smiles)

Yay! Soz it took a while (a few days actually...) but here's the sequel you guys wanted IT'S DEDICATED TO ALL OF YOU!!! (looks insane). **Nichole08**: Yeah I was thinking about writing some angst, in fact I have like eight chappy's typed up, but it's the Ron fic so...yeah heh..lol THANK YOU ALL FOR REVIEWING HONEYDUKES! (sobs happily)

Could you believe I almost didn't write it? I was so caught up in one of my future fics that I forgot...see I was making a comic book out of one of them....yeah...ANYWAY G'WAN AN' READ!

* * *

Chapter One: Redecorating

* * *

"Potter!"  
  
"What!? You fucking fat ass!" Harry shouted back, peeking his head through his bedroom door.  
  
"COME DOWN HERE NOW, BOY!" his uncle shouted from the living room.  
  
"Damnit...fucking...fat bastard..." the raven head grumbled as he zipped his pants and stomped down the stairs, he tried as best as he could to force his erection away before he got to the living room. See, he was thinking about Draco so...obviously he got a boner. "What now you friggin' whale?" he said lazily, crossing his arms.  
  
"This!" Uncle Vernon hissed, showing him an envelope that had a name on it. "A ruddy owl flew in with this! If I said it once, I said it one hundred times, NO MORE OWLS!"  
  
"Ok," he shrugged, "so, who's the letter from?"  
  
"OUT! I WANT YOU OUT!" the vein on his temple pulsed like it always did.  
  
"Breathe deeply, fat fuck, breathe in, breathe out," he gestured with his hands.  
  
"I'M NOT PLAYING GAMES! THAT VOLDY-WHATSIT'S GONE SO YOU CAN BLOODY WELL LEAVE! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THESE OWLS!"  
  
"Could you at least tell me who the letter's from?" he pulled out his wand and twirled it lazily yet expertly between his fingers, knowing he'd get his answer faster this way. His uncle eyed the wand, a hint of fear glinting in his eyes.  
  
"You can't use..._magic_," he said the word with venom, "you'll get kicked out of that nuthouse."  
  
"Did I not mention?" he grinned a little, "I'll be going to seventh year this September, we're aloud to use magic at this age."  
  
"You lying little-"  
  
"Ah-ah-aah," he waved a finger (not da middle one!), "not in front of the children," he said in motherly tone, looking over at Dudley who glared at him from the couch, he was busy stuffing his face in front of the TV before Harry came down. "Now tell me," he turned back to his uncle, "who's the letter from?"  
  
"You have got a lot of nerve," he said in a low voice, "get your things and get out of my house, or I'll call the-"  
  
Harry sighed exasperatedly, "accio letter," he pointed his wand to the letter clutched in the fat mans hand and it flew over to him. "Catch ya later, Fart-Face," he walked up the stairs waving goodbye as he looked at the later. Of course...he had to run away from his uncle instead of walk.  
  
"Ok," the green eyed boy said, looking back at his letter after locking the door, "oh, Draco," he blinked and blushed lightly before opening the envelope and taking out the letter.  
  
_Harry  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Honeydukes said we could do that bar thing in the shop! Mum's away to America for the summer, she say's she's doing some charity thing...really weird woman, she is. Anyway, I was wondering if you could come over for the rest of the summer, you don't have to if you don't want to. But if you do then grab your things, sit on them or something and press my name at the bottom, the transportation will only work for two days. See you soon! Or at platform nine and three quarters!  
  
Love  
  
Draco  
_  
"WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!" Harry punched the air and suddenly felt very jumpy so he used that energy to quickly pack his things.  
  
He ran everywhere in his room, it was like he was the human version of Pig; Harry was in such an energetic and mindless mood that he almost stuffed Hedwig in his trunk, the poor owl.  
  
"Ok," he darted his eyes around his room, he'd packed his clothes, books, other stuff...heheh...  
  
All was packed. The Gryffindor wrote a quick note on a piece of parchment and taped it to the door before sitting on his trunk with Hedwig in her cage in his arms.  
  
"Beautiful day," he said in a teary voice before pressing his finger on Draco's name on the letter.  
  
-(Draco's Place)-  
  
There stood the house, tall dark, mysterious and a bit under construction. The Malfoy Manor was as big as Hogwarts, although, a bit more modern looking than a castle.  
  
Its gardening surrounded the manor, or will be once the front lawn would have its plantings done. There were flowers, vegetables, fruits and scattered trees of all kinds, splitting to make a path to the door of the manor.  
  
Inside it looked like it was going into major Spring Cleaning, there were paintings lying on the ground against the walls, buckets of water and soap everywhere as house elves cleaned the dusting walls and floors of the hallways.  
  
The rooms looked about the same as usual, except the one that belonged to Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, there were boxes stacked everywhere, full of who knows what (cough) evil stuff (cough, cough).  
  
The living room was being cleaned as well as being newly furnished with a few nice paintings of the environment, new leather couches that were much more comfy, softer carpeting, and replacement for a few other smaller things like desks and stuff.  
  
The dining room had the chairs over the long ass table fit for one hundred people, the house elves were there as well, cleaning and replacing a few things.  
  
But at the basement/cellar/dungeon, more work was happening. A blond haired Slytherin, namely Draco Malfoy, was busy trying to not get cursed as he piled up boxes upon boxes of dark arts objects, few were hexed so that the person who touched it would get either electrocuted or lose a limb.  
  
Draco, of course, was much smarter than that and was busy removing the hexes so that he could be able to remove them from his house without dying. So far, ninety percent of that work was done, there were aurors helping, namely Tonks, Kingsley, and Mad-Eye Moody.  
  
It was to this mess that Harry had transported into, uh...he ended up in the living room so he was pretty much freakin' confused by all the noisy movement.  
  
"Potter's here," Moody growled, his blue eye flickering up at the ceiling.  
  
Without a word Draco took off so fast that you could have sworn you'd see smoke/fire trailing after him.  
  
"Uh, hi there," Harry said, walking to one of the house elves who was helping another house elf move a painting. "What's going on?"  
  
The two elves looked up and gaped. "It's you!" they squealed, jumping up and down, "it's Harry Potter!"  
  
"Uh...yeah," the house elves reminded him of Dobby, "so what's going on?" he asked a bit more nervously, hoping they wouldn't suddenly look afraid and start banging their heads.  
  
"Oh, Weldy's sorry, sir," the female house elf bowed, "we're redecorating."  
  
"Redecorating?" he looked around, 'I thought they were spring cleaning...'  
  
"Yes Harry Potter, sir," said the other house elf, "orders from Master Draco Malfoy."  
  
'Heheh, Hermione would whip his ass,' the raven head thought amusedly, "why are you redecorating?"  
  
"HARRY!"  
  
"WAAAAAHH!!!!" Harry almost fell off his trunk when someone jumped on him in a tight embrace, instead of falling over, he ended up laying against the trunk with one happy blond boy over him, "Draco, I...can't...(gasp) breathe damnit!"  
  
"Can't help it, I'm too hyper!" he grinned, "two weeks of separation and that's turned me crazy," he brushed his lips against the other boys' neck.  
  
The two house elves continued whatever they were doing before Harry interrupted them.  
  
"You're not alone," Harry carefully set Hedwig's cage down while still letting Draco kiss his neck, "I cursed my uncle down and he kicked me out of the house."  
  
"Really, live here then," he said almost breathlessly before laying his lips on the boy. Hedwig hooted and covered her eyes with her wing while also trying to turn away.  
  
"...M'kay," Harry said, wrapping his arms around the blonds waist and letting entrance to his mouth before he was asked. Their tongues slid against each other, dancing and wrestling delightfully while also causing oxygen to become a big need. "So..." he panted slightly when they separated, "what's with the redecoration?"  
  
"Hmm," he lightly sucked on Harry's neck, "because mum and I wanted to change the house ever since pops was arrested," he trailed his tongue back to the Gryffindors slightly swollen lips.  
  
"That's a sight that would wake the world up."  
  
"Hey, Ginny...GINNY!?" Harry sat up nearly pushing Draco off of him and onto Hedwig, lucky for both the owl and the blond; he clung to Harry and sat more comfortably on his lap.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Draco asked, once he recovered from almost falling off.  
  
"Moody sent me," she shrugged simply, "by using a portkey, Ron, Hermione, Pansy, Blaise, and Colin will be here," she said ticking her fingers as she counted the names.  
  
"Why?" Draco looked mortified as well as Harry, "Harry was the only one s'posed to come."  
  
"Come indeed," she muttered, "Moody said it was important business or something."  
  
"One, get your head out of the gutter, and two, does this business have to do with the Order?" Harry asked. Ginny just shrugged.  
  
There was a pop and in came Ron spinning around slightly as he held a used quill. "Mama, I'm home," he said dizzily before collapsing on a couch.  
  
"Uh...Ron?" everyone looked at him curiously; he raised his index finger, slowly getting back to his senses.  
  
"That portkey...was one hell of a ride," he said, dropping his raised arm heavily.  
  
There were a few more pops and the rest of the gang appeared, Hermione looked slightly pale and there were dark circles under her eyes, she must have still had those gumballs....Pansy seemed to have gotten a haircut and had her hair up in a ponytail only the...tail...seemed a little spiky and pretty short, there were few wisps of hair falling over her face in a fashionable manner.  
  
The other boys looked the same, well except Ron, his hair was slightly untamed and his poor clothes were replaced by newly purchased ones that actually fit him well. He probably bought the clothes from the reward money for catching Jederkus.  
  
"Whoa..." Pansy stared at Ron's now sleeping form; he looked good in black for some reason.  
  
There was another pop as Tonks apparated before them, "okay, Draco," she said triumphantly, "everything's ready to go."  
  
"Good, mum would be pleased to hear that," the blond sighed.  
  
"You're moving?" Ginny asked, sitting down on one of the couches.  
  
"No, but dads toys are," he said in a cheerful tone, yet also slightly crazy.  
  
"Now, glad to see you dudes are all here," Tonks flopped down next to Ginny. Tonks was still a bit of a hippie ever since Dumbledore showed her that written documentary, "now onto the important business."  
  
Everyone watched her. "Why are we here?" Blaise asked finally.  
  
"That's what we need to talk about," the Metamorphmagus said mysteriously.

* * *

uh...was that a cliffy? (shrugs) sorry for the cliffy then! and ACK!! EVERYTHING FELT SO RUSHED!! WAAAA!!! Review Please!!...lol 


	2. Chores La La La Laaa

Disclaimer: (burp) oh not again!!! ....I don't own Harry Potter (burp) stupid gas!  
  
THANKS MUCHO FOR THE REVIEWS!!

**Shui-Wing0**: Master Draco? We'll probably find out in the next chappy (giggles)

****

**fairy-dust3**: (shrugs) I dunno, but I'm glad you read it anyway (happy smile!) HUGS!

****

**LaraBlack**: ok (hands over Lucius's evil toys) have fun now! lol

****

**silverflames03**: ah yes, they are SO adorable togetha (eyes turn into hearts) sooo adorable (drools) lol YAY I'M A FAV STORIES LIST! (dances for once, good) heehee

****

**The future Mrs Ja rule**: I am? Yay I didn't lose my touch! lol heehee! Ehh...don't curse me (presses update button) uh-heee...

****

**Moonfairyhime**: lol thank you!

****

**Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares**: uy...hope this wasn't sloppy...kinda feels like it is though...oopsy...thanks for the warning/advice thing though!!

****

**RootbeerFloat**: there's some action here, but by the end of the chappy you'll probably strangle me (hides under bed) enjoy the chappy though! (nervous laugh) oh and, I update at around three days or something, I dunno, usually when a new idea whacks in my head...

****

**Lillei**: I should have added more on that in this chappy but I was having so much tiring fun that it wasn't very detailed...yeah...I'll have to fix that up when they get to Hogwarts!

****

**heart and soul**: yay! (dances) I have potential! lol enjoy the new chappy!

****

**N0n3xistant**: yes I hope so too (nods)

****

**Lyla Hayden**: evil isn't even close to what I did in the ending...I'd better run and hide...yeah...

****

**Kikirini-chan**: oh trust me, you'll start threatening me at the end of this chappy lol enjoy it while it lasts!

****

**CrazyLake42**: YAY! More people are reading my fic? (cries happily)

****

**CannedSkittles**: ok then! (big ass smile) HUGS!!!

****

**taekrsbass**: alright, wonder what the question was...but uh...beware I think I'm becoming a cliffy addict!

****

**fish057**: YAY THANK YOU! HUGS! I LUV HUGS!

****

**reflectivelvet**: heehee, would cliffys make the fic better of awful? (blink)

****

**thedarkside45**: lol gumballs, you might not believe what Hermiones does in dis here chappy

****

**PotionsPet**: lol, yay! I LUV the third movie to death! Although...Draco's hairdo looks kinda weird...heehee

****

**Jaded Winter**: yay! BIG OL' BEAR HUG! (notices Jaded Winter can't breathe) oopsy soz heehee!

****

**Isis-mystic**: lol, yeah and he did it calmly too lol

****

**Mac Black**: thank you! (bows) ...where'd that come from..._weird_...

****

**Willow Earthflame**: heehee updated! Hope ya like the new stuff!

****

**Psi**: thank you! here's the update!

oops...I realized there's s'posed to be Cute!Draco...instead I still have a crazed slightly horny one....whoops...oh well read on!

* * *

Chapter Two: Chores-La La-La Laaa!

* * *

Everyone silenced as they watched Tonks, waiting for her to say their reason for being at Draco's home.  
  
"Well?" Colin finally said, "go on, tell us."  
  
"Huh? What? Oh right," Tonks blushed in embarrassment, "you all know the escaped criminal, Jederkus Tye, right?"  
  
"Yup," everyone turned to the waking Ron, he stretched a little and sat up rubbing his eyes, "oh, is it the new chapter already?"  
  
"Ron, not in front of the readers," muttered Ginny, kicking his shin with the back of her foot.  
  
"Ow! That bloody hurt you fucking bitch!"  
  
"Can we get back to the task at hand man? Come on this is serious," said Tonks, frowning, everyone looked back at her, "ok, Dumbledore was the one that actually called you all here. He wants you to become Hogwarts's defense army, in case Tye comes by."  
  
"Why us? Why a defense army? We didn't do anything to the guy," Pansy said blankly.  
  
"Uh-huh, what do you call 'Mione's episode with the guy then?" Blaise crossed his arms.  
  
"That's different, he needed to get his cock chopped off," she crossed her arms as well.  
  
"I didn't chop it off," Hermione finally spoke, grabbing everyones attention, "I got the knife in halfway but he pushed me away, funny thing really, he left with his half dead peepee stick dangling dangerously. Draco, you got any cherry filled gumballs?" there was insane greed glinting in her eyes. Everyone shuddered, twitched or felt a vomit coming on by the end of her lil explanation.  
  
"First of all, THAT WAS GROSS! Second of all, aren't you going to rehab because of that?"  
  
"..._No_..."  
  
"Right," Tonks moved away from the gumball addict and continued with her explanation. "There's been reports about Tye, people say he's talking about revenge and some new world order, nutcase he is, we can't take any risks and Dumbledore says you're the ones who got Tye arrested so the choice is up to you guys if you want to take the job as the defense army."  
  
"Do we get our own private rooms?" Pansy asked at once.  
  
"Dumbledore mentioned a tower you all could share-"  
  
"I'M IN!" she raised her hand.  
  
"Do we get private lessons of defense and stuff?" Blaise asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"COUNT ME THE BLOODY FUCK IN!"  
  
"Is there curfew?" Harry asked.  
  
"Uh...no I don't think so."  
  
"Heheh, I'm in."  
  
"Defense army as in we get to kick ass?" Ginny asked, she received a nod, "Ok, I'll give it a shot."  
  
"What about gumballs? Will there be_ gumballs!?_" Hermione asked quickly.  
  
"You're in rehab because of that right?" Hermione quickly shook her head, "well...no, but there's this new candy that came out, it looks like small round diamonds but they have long lasting flavors, they're in different colors too."  
  
"Do they have cherry!?"  
  
"Yeah, I think so."  
  
"I'M IN!" her face lightened up then looked confused, "what am I in for?"  
  
"_Right_...so I guess we're all in," Colin laughed lightly.  
  
"Do we get paid for this?" Ron asked.  
  
"You wanna get paid?" Tonks asked.  
  
"Hell yeah!"  
  
"Ok then uh...four galleons an hour?"  
  
"Hmm...ok fine then."  
  
"Alrighty then dudes," Tonks said as Kingsley and Mad-Eye apparated with a pile of boxes, "we'll be going then."  
  
"Wait! Why'd you bring us here exactly?" Colin asked.  
  
"Oh, we figured you could help Draco around the house, bye y'all!" the three disapparated leaving a stunned group of teens.  
  
"I don't wanna clean! I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!" whined Pansy as she dropped on the couch and pounded the pillows.  
  
"Pansy calm down you don't have to work, house elves, remember?" Draco said, waving to the working midgets in the living room. If Hermione weren't a gumball addict then she would have bitch slapped the blond.  
  
"Oh right, well then, now what?" Pansy sat up.  
  
"You're gonna help me clean," he said it as if it were the obvious, Pansy's face fell and before she could say 'huh?' or even argue she found herself holding a rag and a dust away spray thing. "Pansy, you and Ron go help clean the hallway with the house elves, Blaise and Colin can help out in the dining room, Ginny and Hermione can clean the kitchens while me and Harry clean out the bedrooms."  
  
"Yes!" Harry whispered to himself. Before he knew it he was being dragged out of the living room by the still crazed Draco. "So was I the only one you owled to come over?"  
  
"Of course, Dumbledores hippie old ass brought the rest over here, trying to ruin my fun I'll bet," pouted the blond as they ran up the large royal-like stairs. "This one should be empty," he opened the door, there were a series of screams and Draco closed the door looking horrified and really pale.  
  
"What happened?" Harry went to open the door but Draco stopped him, shaking his head.  
  
"House elves, fucking...nasty sight, that is," he breathed out heavily, he quickly walked away, still holding a sickened Harry's hand tightly. "Oh GOD that was disgusting!"  
  
"Eww!!! You didn't see any joystick or melons with one nipple each did you?"  
  
"OF COURSE I DID! Ugh how revolting! And they were nice house elves too! Oh, here's an empty room," he said, forgetting what he saw and pulling Harry into an empty bedroom.  
  
"Wow..." was all Harry could say, there was a king sized bed with black silky bedspreads and curtains, the carpeting had tiny dragons flying lazily around. There was a fireplace with comfy looking couches and sofas before it, two doors that must lead to the bathroom and closet, the walls were a very dark shade of green with even darker traces of small dragons lining the door. "Is this your room?"  
  
"No it's the guest room."  
  
"Oh...wow then your room must be mind blowing."  
  
"Mhm, yeah sure, enough talk," he pulled Harry over to the bed and lay on top of him, kissing him so passionately that they were aroused no sooner than you could say 'hello I'm Bob.'  
  
"Mmm, you must have really missed me," Harry murmured as he let Draco kiss and lick his neck.  
  
The blond dragged his tongue down the boys' collar bone. "You have no idea," he ripped off Harry's shirt.  
  
-  
  
"_Hmmm,_" Pansy read the instructions on the back of the spray bottle, "'spray once and dust will go away, if not, spray a few more times and wipe off with rag.' Alright then," she aimed the spray to the dusting vase and pressed the trigger. "AHHHHH!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Huh?" Ron looked over to Pansy who was laughing so hard that she was walking backwards and tripped over a few passing house elves. "WHOA!" he jumped over and caught the falling girl before she hit her head on the desk against the wall. "What the hell is so funny?" he raised an eyebrow at the still laughing girl.  
  
"I sprayed on myself! HAHAHA! Oh man I'm such an idiot!" she continued to laugh.  
  
"You sprayed yourself? How? The red nozzle thingy's supposed to point to the object not the person," he laughed lightly.  
  
"I've never cleaned before," she slowly calmed down. "This is the first time I ever cleaned at all," now she realized her position and blushed brilliantly.  
  
_ They leaned closer until their lips met, feeling each others soft lips before deepening the kiss. Their tongues dancing together, massaging each other as they went deeper into the now heated kiss, their hands exploring the others body-_  
  
"Could miss get off Daildy," said a house elfs voice desperately.

'Crud! It was another daydream!' thought Pansy when she realized she was inching closer to Ron who looked slightly oblivious.

"Miss's butt is _squishing_ Daildy!"  
  
"Oh! Sorry!" Pansy's face became an even deeper shade of red as she quickly stood up only to hit the desk on her way knocking the poor girl out. Daildy hadn't moved quickly enough and was knocked out as Pansy slammed over her again.  
  
Ron shook his head, "poor girls," he said scratching his head, "hm, she's kinda cute when she's knocked out."  
  
-  
  
Hermione lazily passed the feather duster through a few vases and tea cups hanging on the glass shelf. "I want my gumballs," she said waterly. "GUMBALLS GOOD FOR HERMIONE!"  
  
"Hey look what I found in the closet over there," Ginny said pointing to the closet behind her. Hermione looked over at her as if daring her to talk to her. "This shit is hot right?" the redhead said pointing to her self, she was dressed in a french maid uniform, "It actually fits me," she said looking at herself before looking back at the older girl. What she saw started to scare her. "'Mione?" she took a step back.  
  
"AT LAST!" Hermione cried out, tears of joy in her eyes, "TWO MYSTERY FLAVERED GUMBALLS!"  
  
"Where?" Ginny looked from her left to right and didn't see a sign of a gumball, "you've gone ment-OUCH!!!! GET OFF THIS IS PRIVATE PROPERTY!" she shouted trying to pry Hermione off, slapping or punching her head.  
  
See, Hermione thought Ginny boobs were giant gumballs.  
  
-  
  
Blaise and Colin? They found the Dining table to be very useful, 'nuff said heheh.  
  
-  
  
A cloaked figure sat in a love seat eating a plate of cookies while watching tv. "There's nothing on!" he complained, flipping the channels with his best friend the remote. "Oh! Mucha Lucha! DA FLEA SHALL RULE FOREVA!" he said in a tiny, high pitched almost evil voice.  
  
After a few minutes the cloaked figure saw something in the reflection of the screen on the tv. He turned around and stood up with his plate of delicious cookies.  
  
"What you mother f(bleep)er's doing in my house! Get the f(bleep) out!" he said throwing a cookie at...us-them! "And get the camera away from me!" (camera falls to the ground sideways and there's random screams and running sounds.) "Yeah run and hide sons of b(beep)es! Run and hide!"  
  
(Camera's vision goes blank)  
  
-  
  
Harry arched his back slightly as Draco swirled his tongue about the tip of his erection, sliding his tongue against his shaft. "God you're so good," he managed to murmur as the blond took him whole in the mouth, his happy stick welcomed in the wet heat joyfully sending surges up his back and making him arch more. "God you're so evil!" he said at once when Draco took him out of his mouth.  
  
"Come on, I have a better idea," he crawled up and gave him a kiss, "I need I bath," he grinned.  
  
"Me too!" he sat up quickly almost hitting the other boy if he hadn't moved back.  
  
"Well come on," he laughed lightly, taking Harry's hand and running to the bathroom.  
  
"This is pretty hard considering I've got a boner!" but they were already in the bathroom and whatever else Harry was going to say was wiped out of his mind.  
  
There was a bath the size of a swimming poor, maybe a bit smaller but still! There were different types of taps around the edges, just like in the prefects bathroom he remembered in fourth year. The tiles were black and cool against his feet, even the sink seemed interesting, pearly white with silver old fashioned taps.  
  
"I love you..." he said still gawking at the bathroom.

"Is it because of the bathroom?"

"Partially, at the moment, but you know I love you!"

"Awww!" he leaned over and kiss him, "moi too," he bend down and turn on a few certain tabs on the sunk in tub, of course with him bending down he purposefully made sure Harry got a good view of his ass, which of course, made the raven head become more aroused.  
  
The bath was surprisingly full in no time, there was a thick sheet of foam, the heavenly sent of some kind of exotic perfume (heheh now Harry knows why Draco smells so good), and that warm heat of hot water waiting for them.  
  
"So," Draco turned to him, "shall we?"

* * *

(gawk) OH MY GOD DID I JUST CUT IT OFF!? ACK I'M HORRIBLE!! Lol soz, I'd have written more but I wanted this up now since my time on the computer got short (cries) anyways, I'll pay y'all back in the next chapter! REVIEW PLEASE!! 


	3. Continuation From Da Last Chappy And Mor...

Disclaimer: I don' own Harry Potter (blink) heehee....WAHAAHAA! (cries)

THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!! (cries)

**CrazyLake42**: lol THANK YOU BIG HUG! lol

**Lyla Hayden**: uheheh soz for the cliffy but here's the update! soz if it took long though heh

**The future Mrs Ja rule**: heehee dunno, usually the ideas pop out of my head, of I type up som random thing and it becomes a hit lol. Draco and Harry making out on top eh? Yes I would luv to see that heheh

**harleythekat**: four words? where? (blink) oh well...heh soz for the cliffie dude!

**Inylan**: yes I will-am! Here's the new chappy! ENJOY! hee

**Chang Wumei**: no I haven't. I beta ma story on me own, but I do miss a mess of mistakes, I'm trying to teach myself how to edit my own stuff so I can actuall write a book heh (scratches head) but THANKS for pointing out that error! BIG OL' BEAR HUG!

**Nichole08**: heehee ok then, here's the update! Hope you like!

**Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares**: Ginny might do more than that...yeah...lol

**9601041**: wow (blushes in modesty and embarrassment) THANK YOU!!! BIG HUG! BIIIIG HUG!!! Actually, I'm actually beginning to write a book, I just need the right publishing service for it (sweatdrop) hee

**silverflames03**: GLAD THIS FIC CHEERED YA UP! HUG!! HUG HUG HUG!

**Lady Lirimaer**: heehee anuda one of Pansy's daydreams here heehee thanks!

**fish057**: chappy three comes out (presses random button) now! bwahahhaa ok it's not that funny...

**sexAy-iranian23**: thank you!

**JesPaiTha**: thank you teehee!

**SpikedDraco**: thank you much! Here's the next chappy!

**na**: um...thanks? uheh...

**RootbeerFloat**: well they do have fun, but I feel it came out sort of...odd...oh well here's the update!

**Shui-Wing0**: mweheheh-hahaha!!! wow I'm weird...and hyper (smiley face) heehee, here's the new chapter! Master? (ponders name) me likes! lol

**heart and soul**: um...I tried to make it long but I'm not sure with how it came out, here it is! (points down below to new chappy)

**Crimson Colored Cloaked Figure**: thanks! here's da new chappy!

**thedarkside45**: Snape and Hermione (blinks) hmmm....I'm not really into the student/teacher pairings but this sounds interesting enough to work...(still pondering) heheheh I got a weird idea, mweheheheheh!

**Psi**: thank you!

**corae**: Pansy/Ron? It'll happen as soon as Ron stops acting like an ignoring freako even after Pansy kissed him...maybe sometime in Hogwarts heheheh...bath scene, just off da corna!

**Morwen and the little one**: heehee soz Morwen. oh right, Kat, I almost stopped too, mostly 'cause I had writers block heh (sweatdrop)(looks nervous at Morwen's death glare for almost stopping)

**Ryan's-heart's-desire**: tell Tom I said HI! lol I'll be on vacation soon too...I mean to go to a different country for like two weeks (cries)

**Warning**: this chapter involves sexual situations between one hot Draco Malfoy and one hot Harry Potter which means shagging.

ENJOY!

* * *

Chapter Three: Continuation From The Last Chappy And More

* * *

"After you," Harry grinned, "we'd better make it quick before some house elf or something catches us before we actually have some fun."  
  
"If we ever get caught we'll just have an audience, all the better," Draco said, sliding into the large tub quickly followed by Harry.  
  
"Oh right," it took all his power not to groan when the hot water warmed up his still throbbing erection. He leaned over and kissed the blond, his tongue tracing Draco's perfect lips as he wrapped his arms around him, wetting his smooth back with the steaming water which made the Slytherin arch his back in the wet heat and Harrys' ghostly hands.  
  
"You're playing dominant this time?" Draco asked, kissing Harry's neck while also sliding his wet arms against the raven heads back.  
  
"Dunno," he trailed a hand down Draco's spine, the blond fluttered his eyes closed and threw his head back as Harry started sucking and licking his neck. He gasped softly when he felt a finger go in him; the Gryffindor pressed his body closer against his, the water making their bodies slide against each other a little. "Time to hold my breath."  
  
"Huh?" Draco looked at him confusedly, he pouted a little when Harry took out his finger. The raven head took a deep breath and dived into the water. "What are you-_OOOOH! DEAR GOD!_" he gripped the edges of the bath tightly as Harry's mouth covered his manhood whole.  
  
The raven head sucked mercilessly while swirling his tongue around the base making Draco groan out loud and arch his back. But the loss of air was becoming too great and Harry emerged from the water with his head covered with the thick foam.  
  
"Why'd you stop?" the blond asked breathlessly.  
  
"Oh come on, I needed to breathe sometime soon," Harry said, kissing the Slytherin while also gripping the blonds still throbbing erection. He grinned when the other boy groaned in pleasure.  
  
_'Oh hell no, I'm being the dominant in this one!'_ Draco thought, groaning again as Harry started pumping him.  
  
**_'That's the spirit!'_**  
  
_'You again?'_  
  
**_'Must we go over this again?'  
_**  
_ 'Hm!'_  
  
**_'Well then? Go on! Be the dominant that you were born to be!'  
_**  
_'Of course,'_ he grinned and quickly switched places with Harry, surprising him but not disappointing him. "Much better," he kissed him passionately, running his hands through the boys' wet ebony hair, rubbing his happy ding-dong against Harry's, both moaned and groaned as they easily slid against each other thanks to the water.  
  
Draco ran his hands down Harry's back and injected a finger causing the Gryffindor to gasp and squirm a little, he pulled it out then in before putting in another finger and make Harry catch his breath in pants, he lightly kissed the boys' neck as he gently stretched him.  
  
"Mmm...don't stop," Harry buried his head in the blonds neck. Draco grinned and took out his fingers, "evil little bast_AAA-OOHH GOD!_" he arched his back in an instant when he felt Draco's size go in him without warning. He wrapped his legs around his waist and pulled him closer, his breathing going faster as he rapidly adjusted to the intruder.  
  
"Taking a bath has its advantages," Draco grinned as he started pumping.  
  
"Wha?" Harry breathed out, holding the Slytherin closer, groaning at the quick pumps he was getting.  
  
"It's easier to get in and out of you," he sucked Harry's neck lightly while still making his beats harder and faster, hitting the soft spot in the Gryffindor and earning a cry of ecstasy from him.  
  
"Hmm...good-_OOOH!-_point!" he came, "damnit..."  
  
Draco came as well. "Crud...hmm..." he got out of Harry and leaned closer and traced a finger on the boys' chest, deliberately rubbing it against his hard nipples, "RACE YOU!"  
  
"Wha-CHEATER!" he yelled at the swimming blond.  
  
-  
  
"GET OFF YOU FUCKING HORNY BITCH!" yelled Ginny, still trying to push Hermione off her.  
  
She took a step back and knocked her foot on something; she looked down and saw a big wooden hammer.  
  
"Huh, wonder how that got there..." she lifted it then yelped when Hermione took another bite on her poor boobs, "TAKE THAT!"  
  
She swung the hammer down and it hit the bushy haired girl on the head, there was the sound of a thud from the connection and Hermione fell to the ground.  
  
"Oh thank god that's over," she dropped the hammer and hugged her bitten and slightly swollen boobs, "I'VE BEEN VIOLATED! BY A GUMBALL ADDICT NO LESS!"  
  
-  
  
_ Ron wrapped his arms around Pansy's waste and kissed her softy. The Slytherinette ran a hand through his hair, feeling the softness of his fiery red hair. He ran a tongue on her bottom lip and she responded by giving him entrance to her mouth.  
_  
"Oh. My. God! AHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"  
  
"Hm?" Pansy opened her eyes and quickly let go of Daildy who was still unconscious from the last encounter, she fell to the floor with a resounding thud. "ACK! OH-MY-GOD! SO GROSS! YELGH!!!" she repeatedly cleaned her tongue with her shirt, nearly choking herself.  
  
"Are you like some, random kisser or something?" Ron asked, wiping a tear from his eye as he tried to calm down.  
  
Pansy blushed furiously. "No! I thought she was you!" the red head didn't seem to hear, "are you listening to me!? I thought she was you because...well...I LOVE YOU!"  
  
"I'm sorry, what?" he took off his headphones. Pansy's eyebrow twitched as she tried to stay calm down while also trying to figure out why she didn't see the headphones before. "Oh man, you won't believe what I just heard in this song, it was about some guy kissing a different girl everyday of the week! He's like some random kisser or something!"  
  
Her eyebrow twitched again. "Really?"  
  
"Mhm," he nodded, still trying to hold his laughter, "so, what were you saying?" he watched her curiously.  
  
'Oh! He looks so adorable when he's all curious like that!' "Never mind," she muttered, turning away.  
  
"No tell me, I'm not gonna laugh...or if I am then it's because of the song."  
  
"It's not important," she murmured, dusting the shelf of glass statues. 'Why me?'  
  
-  
  
"Pass it I'm open!" shouted Colin waving his hands. He, Blaise, and the house elves were playing...something similar to football but without all the technical stuff...like soccer but you use your hands...yeah...  
  
Blaise turned and threw the rolled up table cloth at Colin who caught it and ran through the blockade of house elves.  
  
"Ack! Blaise!" he threw the 'ball' back at him when a group of house elves slammed into him, only when he threw the ball he did it without looking and before Blaise could catch it the 'ball' smashed into a grandfather clock, smashing the glass.  
  
Everyone froze as they watched the last shard fall. "_Duuuuude_," said a house elf named...Narly.  
  
Blaise walked over and pulled the rolled up table cloth out of the grandfather cloth. He shook it a little and tapped his wand on it while muttering something under his breath, after a little blue glow he put away his wand and turned back to the silent crowd.  
  
"It's fixed, SUDDEN DEATH EVERYONE! FIRST TO SCORE WINS!" he threw the ball to the cheering teams.  
  
And on they continued to play, destroying everything in the dining room including the table.  
  
Of course...they would fix it when they finished playing. What? Did you think Blaise and Colin were having sex this whole time?  
  
-  
  
"Lets see here," muttered the cloaked figure...well he had an apron with 'kiss the killer' with hearts and knives on now, and he was in the kitchen stirring a mixture in a bowl while reading a cook book.  
  
He kept stirring the mixture while turning the page, adding this and that to the mix, muttering a few things as well.  
  
"A dash of poison," he let a few droplets of glowing green poison drop into the mix, "a pinch of Voldemorts ashes, particularly from the left foot," he seasoned the mix with ashes as if it were pepper. "Some chocolate chips," he grabbed a few with an elegant hand and dumped it in the bowl.  
  
He stopped and looked around before stopping right at one direction, he slammed down his big spoon and cook book and walked over to...them again.  
  
"I will eat you up! Yes I will!" (camera goes black as man's mouth covers the vision.) Once again there's a series of screams. "NO CENSORSHIP NOW MOTHER FUCKERS! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKING SHIT EATING BITCHES!"  
  
"Hey I resent that, I'm a virgin and I don't eat poopoo-DON'T EAT ME!"  
  
"I won't...would you like some cookie mix?"  
  
"Thank you; (slurp) mmm, good-ack! I-I can't...breathe! You poisoned...ack...me...ugh..."  
  
"I'll take back my spoon now Mister Dead Guy Sir."  
  
-  
  
"Oh thank god it's over," Pansy sighed, collapsing on a sofa that night. Since Draco's Manor carried no electricity, the candles and fire place were the only sources of light.  
  
"It's not over, we'll be continuing tomorrow," Draco said, sitting on Harry's lap. Pansy looked horrified.  
  
"Harry says you guys have a new business at Honeydukes," Ginny said, making sure she was in far distance from Hermione who was rocking back and forth on her seat, hugging her knees, a manic glint in her eyes.  
  
"Yeah, this bar thing, we want to make one in Honeydukes," the blond replied, "can you be our bartender for the weeks, you don't have to work on Saturday."  
  
"Of course...I _am_ getting paid for this aren't I?" the boys' nodded, "and what will the two of you be doing?"  
  
"Watching over the bar and stuff...we were thinking of putting up some shows on Fridays, but on nights," Harry said.  
  
"I'll work for you guys if I get paid," Ron said raising a weak hand, he hand been trying to fix the destroyed dining room which Blaise, Colin and the house elves conveniently forgot to fix.  
  
"Good, we needed a waiter."  
  
"...Excuse me?" his eyebrow twitched in a way that would make Pansy proud, which she was.  
  
"Ten galleons an hour," Harry said lazily.  
  
"I'll be the best waiter you'll have!" Ron said almost punching his chest, if this were a cartoon his eyes would have turned into stars or dollar symbols.  
  
"I'll be the waitress!" Pansy raised her hand at once. Draco and Harry turned to Colin and Blaise expectantly.  
  
"What?" Colin looked back confusedly, the couple before him pouted and gave him puppy dog eyes, "ok fine! I'll be the cook, bars have cooks right?"  
  
"Yeah...what about you Blaise?" Draco asked smiling so cheerily that his eyes shut (think anime heehee).  
  
"Assistant cook!" Colin gave the Slytherin a 'do you even know how to cook?' look. "What? I've made...salads and...stuff!"  
  
"Ok then...what else is there to talk about?" he turned to the others.  
  
"Well we can talk about what new stuff me and Draco should do on our next show, something that might include chains, maybe whips-ow!" Harry glared Draco who nudged him in the ribs.  
  
"That's not in the script!" the blond muttered.  
  
"Oh right, you take the fun out of everything," he muttered back, Draco stuck his tongue out at him. "Hm! Lets talk about the defense army thing," the Gryffindor said lazily.  
  
"First of all, why a defense army? Tye didn't kill any of us, he just turned the school into creepy hippies so that he could take over the world, I don't see the harm in that," Ginny crossed her arms.  
  
"You're just saying that because you saw his penis," Ron said tiredly.  
  
"It was huge! Perfect! Hermione I can't believe you wanted to cut it off," she glared that the insane girl.  
  
"He...deserved it!" Hermione giggled. There was a pause and everyone moved away from her, heh, Pansy even hopped onto Ron's lap, lucky for her, he didn't argue or push her off.  
  
The group yelped and jolted in surprise when they heard a plate being smashed. "Oopsy...eheheheheh!"  
  
"Who was that?" Ginny asked fearfully, holding a death grip on a pillow.  
  
"That's just Banes, some old butler," Draco answered as he recomforted himself on his boyfriends' lap.  
  
An old man with a hump back walked over, or rather dragged himself over to the group, his left foot wouldn't walk properly. He carried a bowl of chocolate chip cookies that looked to be right out of the oven.  
  
"Would anyone like some cookies?" Banes said in a sort of wheezy insane voice.  
  
"Ok."  
  
"They smell good."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Gumballs?"  
  
"Thank you, Banes."  
  
"Don't mind if I do."  
  
"Yummy."  
  
"OH I WANT!"  
  
The group crowded around, grabbed and returned to their seats with their hands full of the still warm cookies.  
  
"Mmm! These are good," Ginny commented, everyone took a bite and nodded in agreement.  
  
After a pause they dropped their cookies and fell into deep darkness for...who knows? A few hours, days...  
  
Or _forever_...

* * *

bwahahahaha! Ok I'm weird, review please! 


	4. Back To School

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter (cries) I HATE THE LAW!  
  
THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!!!!

**CannedSkittles**: YES! POWER TO THE WEIRDOS! (raises fist) I'm gonna shout that out when I get back to school heehee can't wait to see the confused and startled looks on everyones faces heheheheh lol

**dull halo polish**: (blink) whoa! lol here's de update! A fan? YAY! (jumps around happily) lol COME ON! BIG OL' BEAR HUG!!

**LaraBlack**: oh man! I totally forgot about the chefs hat! Ack! lol oh well, yep, poor Pansy, she kissed an unconscious house elf (shakes head) the poor girl, heheh Draco and Harry dansing? (taps chin and ponders) it could happen...

**Ryan's-heart's-desire**: lol thank you (happy chibi face)!

**RootbeerFloat**: wow really? (bursts out happily) THANK YOU! Scripts for SNL or MAD TV? (blushes lightly) I didn't know my humor was that good heehee! It's times like these that I wish I were old enough to apply for writing those scripts, too bad I'm only fifteen lol

**Skeet**: heh soz about that (sweat drop) I'll try and make a longer one next time!

**dark-haru**: lol thank you!

**thedarkside45**: nope, it's not the end, or else the summary to the story would have been bullocks lol and you're welcome...besides, I like making experiment pairings and this one (even though it already exists) would be the first teacher/student I'll write on...hope I do well on that...

**Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares**: lol her bushy hair must've saved her from dying heehee!

**Lyla Hayden**: POPCORN! YES ME WANT! (takes a handful and gulps it down) mmm! GOOOD lol

**CrazyLake42**: lol, I think I made the gumballs a trademark to the story lol

**S.Malfoy**: heh soz about that, what are you confused about?

**Shui-Wing0**: lol such things are weird in life, and in this case Hermione's probably ninety-nine percent of it lol

**Jaded Winter**: ok I won't hurt you (puts down tommy gun) lol I WANNA WORK IN THE BAR TOO! As a waitress! lol tis a mystery to what those cookies are made of...

**harleythekat**: soz if this came out a bit late or something but here it is! lol

**Chang Wumei**: I might do that (ponders) but she'll have to run away from Pansy after that hee

**silverflames03**: you just reminded me! I have to include that in the next chapter as well! thank you!

**fish057**: they'll get together eventually...hopefully...hehehe

**Nichole08**: yeah it would suck if they died (turns to funeral people and shakes head) lol

**Tom**: lol um...thanks! lol

**Psi**: thank you!

**Inylan**: uh-heh soz for the cliffy but here's the update!

**heart and soul**: P/R will come eventually (big smile) hopefully Ron won't act too much of an oblivious jerk before it happens

**Morwen and the little one**: lol thanks, your reviews are always funny BIG HUG/GROUP HUG!

**Crimson Colored Cloaked Figure**: lol thanks, hope you like the update!

**Taekrsbass**: heehee thanks!

**reflectivelvet**: thanks! How was camp? (ducks from orange marker)

Anyway, soz if this took a while, but I just discovered the delights of scanning (sweatdrop) I signed myself up as under the same name as this one hee, anuda thing that's freaking me out at the moment is that I'm turning into a Ron Weasley fan, or at least I'm just in a faze 'cause I've been drawing Ron non-stop lol whatever, I'll shut up and let you read (chibi smile)

* * *

Chapter Four: Back To School Part One

* * *

"Mwehehehehehe," laughed Banes, almost dropping his bowl of cookies. "eheheheh-HAHAHAHAHA-"  
  
His laughter was interrupted by a grumble and yawn. Harry sat up making the still knocked out Draco fall to the floor with a resounding thud. "Morning already?" he yawned.  
  
"Eh?" Banes quickly hid behind Harry and raised his bowl over the Gryffindors' head, planning to slam it on his head.  
  
"Hmm...that was a good nappy," Draco woke up, stretching on the floor and quickly getting Harry's attention, Banes quickly hid the bowl behind his back and tried to look innocent, "Banes? Whatcha doin'?"  
  
"Nothing," he answered a little too innocently, "I was just about to get you all blankets."  
  
"...You're a weird old man," Draco sat up and turned to the others, missing the 'I'm gonna kill you!' posture from Banes. "WAKE THE BLOODY FUCK UP!"  
  
In an instant the sleeping teens jolted awake. "The hell?" Ginny said, wiping drool from her chin. "When did I go to sleep?"  
  
"Uh...Pansy? Is there any chance you could get off me?" Ron asked amusedly, the Slytherinette blushed brilliantly and sat up so fast that she fell off the couch. "You ok?" he laughed lightly.  
  
"Yeah, the hard wooden floor broke my fall," she said weakly, raising a thumbs up as she gingerly caressed the back of her head.  
  
"DAMNIT DRACO!" Hermione yelled, "YOU INTERRUPTED MY DREAM WITH GUMBALLS!"  
  
"Tuh! Fuck you too," the blond muttered, he stood up and stumbled a little, "whoa...dizzy..." he could have fallen into the fire of Harry hadn't grabbed him in time, thank god!  
  
"Guess it's time for beddy bye," Colin said groggily, "where do we sleep?" he looked at Draco.  
  
"Wherever you want...except mums room, you'll know which one it is," Draco stifled a yawn.  
  
"Uh...no we won't," Blaise said in a 'news flash' sort of way.  
  
"It's the one with all the posters and papers that say charity and shit like that," he plopped down on the sofa and looked like he'd fall asleep in any second.  
  
"What if we nab your room?" Ginny asked, equally tired.  
  
Draco peered an eye open at her, "you won't."  
  
"Right...ok then, I'm off," she yawned and walked groggily out of the living room.  
  
Blaise lifted the now sleeping Colin in his arms, "'Night guys," and he left as well.  
  
Harry scratched his head and turned to Draco who was pouting at him. "What?"  
  
"Carry me," the blond raised his arms at him like a child. He looked so cute that Harry couldn't argue not to carry the boy.  
  
"Alright fine...just don't choke me," he turned around and bent down a little so Draco could climb aboard on his back.  
  
"How adorable," Ron said in a dull almost sarcastic voice. Draco wrapped his legs around Harry's waste as well as wrap his arms gently around his neck. "Harry, how come you're not sleepy?"  
  
"I'm a night person," the raven head shrugged. He smiled softly when the blond buried his head in the crook of his neck.  
  
"Lets go," Draco said, he bucked his hips forward causing Harry to blush at where the blond hit.  
  
The couple left as well leaving Ron with two sleeping girls. He looked from Hermione who was sleeping on the couch almost like a couch potato, to Pansy who was sleeping uncomfortably on the ground.  
  
"Crazy bitch or sleeping beauty?" the redhead muttered as he tapped his chin in thought. "...duh..." he bent down and lifted Pansy. "G'night crazy bitch," he said to the sleeping Hermione before leaving the living room as well.  
  
Throughout the whole thing Banes watched in silent shock. He looked down at his bowl of cookies. "What's in this stuff? It's s'posed to kill them!" he lifted a cookie, sniffed it, and took a bite. In an instant he fell to the floor, snoring his ass off.  
  
-  
  
"Booboo," Draco yawned when Harry stopped in front of a door.  
  
"Booboo?" Harry blinked.  
  
The door unlocked itself and opened. "The door's voice censored," Draco said sleepily. The raven head stepped inside and looked around in amazement. The guest rooms were nothing compared to Draco's room.  
  
It was a large room, probably the size of ten guest rooms put together. Everything was either black or dark green. A large king sized bed draped with green curtains and silk black and green sheets stood over a soft fluffy black circle rug. There were sofas and couched sitting before a burning fireplace, black velvet tapestries that had a silver outline. There was also a marble statue of a dragon standing at the foot of the bed, its head twirled high, almost up the ceiling. Emerald and diamond gems were encrusted in the stature, giving off a look of random shiny scales.  
  
"Wow...you room is-"  
  
"Beautiful? Yes, I know, I designed it myself. Bed, now," Draco said in a rush.  
  
-  
  
Ron kicked the door open and stepped inside the guest room, he blinked sleepily and looked around, it was a plain room with a bed, desk, fireplace and sofa. The redhead walked over to the bed and dropped Pansy there; she bounced a little, stirred but fell back to her deep sleep.  
  
"Bed," he said with a hint of longing, he looked at the sleeping Slytherin and sighed. "She'd better not think I raped her," he muttered, taking his sneakers off as well as his shirt and pants.  
  
-  
  
Meanwhile, at St. Mungo's, a healer was busily putting away a bunch of vials and bottles back into cupboards. Once he finished, he wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand and turned to face the empty counter.  
  
"Where'd the Sleeping Cookies go?" he looked around in confusion.  
  
- (Brief explanation on the rest of the summer)  
  
The next morning everyone had woken up contentedly, some more than others. Pansy woke up to a half nekkie Ron sleeping next to her and all she could think of was 'I've gone to heaven!'  
  
Harry and Draco woke up quite cutely, hugging each other and refusing to leave the bed. Ginny woke up because one of the portraits to her room woke her, so she ripped the painting apart. Colin and Blaise woke up much like Harry and Draco, and Hermione woke with a longing for her gumballs.  
  
As the summer went on everyone had to pitch in and help redecorate the manor from top to bottom, well...Draco and Harry were having so much fun together that Ginny made them do separate chores. Blaise and Colin kept wrecking the house with their made up games and had to clean up the mess they made or else no dinner. Pansy was still clueless on cleaning while Ron pretended to be oblivious of the girls' crush. Hermione...you already know...  
  
Harry's birthday was celebrated with a party, good cake (your choice), presents, and a special gift from Draco (hint, hint).  
  
-  
  
"I'm sorry, Master," Banes muttered, shaking a little as he stood before the cloaked man, "Every time I try to kill them, someone else arrives and it's too late."  
  
"Dumbass," the man said airily, "you DO know that you could have killed one person, and if you were caught you could also kill them? My god you're so stupid," he examined his fingernails, "oh, you missed a spot, darling," he said to the young woman who was giving him a manicure.  
  
"Sorry, sir," she said taking his hand and redoing the nail.  
  
"So anyway," he turned to the still shaky Banes, "since you couldn't do the job I'll have to send that girl...what was her name again?"  
  
"Ch-Cho-"  
  
"Bless you," said the young lady.  
  
"No, it's that girl, her name's Cho Chang-"  
  
"Ah yes! The Asian girl, right?" Banes nodded, "right then, owl her and tell her the mission, go on and don't drag yourself!" he waved the old man off.  
  
"Oh alright," Banes stopped dragging his foot and stomped away in a normal walking pace.  
  
"Hmm," the cloaked figure examined his nails again, "what do you think my color is?"  
  
"Oh, black," the woman nodded, "definitely, it brings out your hair and eyes."  
  
"Yes," he said as he twirled a finger around a lock of his hair, "it does doesn't it?" he received a nod.  
  
-  
  
"Neville?" Ginny gawked when she spotted to the boy. They were at platform nine and three quarters, boarding the Hogwarts Express.  
  
"Oh, hi Ginny," the older teen said facing her. He lost more weight than last year as well as the roundness of his face, and he had lightly toned muscles, not to mention he had a bit of a growth spurt and was almost six feet tall. "Do I have something in my face? Everyone's looking at me," he muttered to the girl.  
  
"Huh? Oh, it's just that you've changed," she snapped out of her reverie.  
  
"If you had gone through my grams' dieting program you'd change too," he said a bit miserably.  
  
"Hey," Hermione whispered in the boys' ear, "you look like a guy who has gumballs, care to share?"  
  
"Sorry, I don't have any gumballs," he apologized.  
  
"WELL FUCK YOU TOO!" and she stalked off leaving Neville to rub his ear in pain.  
  
"Come on, lets find a seat," Ginny took his hand.  
  
"What?" the temporarily deaf teen asked loudly.  
  
"I have visual," Cho murmured to the long earpiece that stretched towards her mouth.  
  
"Are they alone?"  
  
"Yes, they just got in an empty compartment, no one's near," she took out her wand and hurried over to the compartment where Draco and Harry went in.  
  
"Excellent, do your job then."  
  
"I will," she grinned and lay her hand on the door handle, she raised her wand and silently and quickly opened the door. "Ava-" she stopped in her tracks, her eyes widened as saucers. "O-oh my..."  
  
There sat Harry with Draco on top of him, both on a full out make out session and frantically disrobing each other, at least until they spotted one thunderstruck and paling Cho.  
  
"CHO!?" exclaimed Harry, Draco looked up and saw the wand at once.  
  
"Goddamnit, don't you killers know how to knock?" he stood up and pushed the paralyzed girl out, slamming the door in her face. "Now," he turned to his boyfriend, "where were we?"  
  
"Mission, unaccomplished sir," Cho said in her effort to return her normal breathing.  
  
"Ugh! Damnit!"  
  
"This will be harder than I thought," she blushed lightly as the visions of what she just saw kept flashing in her face.

* * *

Soz it's short, I'll try and make the next chapter longer...uh...heh...don't kill me...(looks nervous) review please! (runs off) 


	5. Attempted Murder!

Disclaimer: to hell with the law! I own Harry Potter! (police start chasing me) OK I DON'T!

THANK YA SO MUCHO FOR THE REVIEWS!!!!!

**Shadow Psi**: uh-heh (looks nervous) was I late on the update? (sweatdrop)

**Yana5**: THANK YOU! BIG OL' BEAR HUG TO YEH!

**Skeet**: lol THANK YOU! (anime style smile) I was also thinking along the lines of a different way they'd react to the cookies but then it sounded too....of lol oh well

**Morwen and the little one**: hee soz Morwen (sweatdrop) I'll try not to be evil next time...although you might murder me after this chappy (lots of sweatdrops)

**thedarkside45**: ah yes, so true (giggle) 'cept now everyone gets a nice shocker in this chappy!

**Ryan's-heart's-desire**: lol I'll try not to kill 'em off, why would I do that now? Then it wouldn't be funny anymore...but some other people need to die...(cough)Umbridge!(cough) lol

**CrazyLake42**: YAY! BIG BEAR HUG! HAPPY BELATED B-DAY!!!!

**LaraBlack**: heehee of course I'll make Snape show up teehee, though, he may seem a bit ooc lol thank you! BEAR HUG TO YEH!

**heart and soul**: THANK YOU! HUGS TO YOU TOO! lol Yeah, you got me confused too lmao

**Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares**: okays, but it'll have to be in the next chappy though hee thank you!!!!!!

**Inylan**: lol thanks, I never really like Cho either, I hated what she did in the fifth book (strangles Cho) DIE! lol

**RootbeerFloat**: thank you! BIG BEAR HUG! Gotta luv hugs (anime style wink) lol

**Shui-Wing0**: yup, she finally finds something else worth her time! PRAISE THE LORD MAN!

**dull halo polish**: lmao!! Yes! She must get her gumballs!! lol

**Isis-mystic**: (nods in agreement) yuppers! I'd have sat there and eat popcorn, watching the whole thing (drools)

**oOWeasleyWizardWheezesOo**: lol thanks a bunchies! BEAR HUG TIME!! lol

**Nichole08**: he's probably not being thick and just waiting for the right moment to actually do something, lol, I mean how can he ignore the fact the Pansy had kissed him in the first fic lol or he's just ignoring the whole thing (eyes Ron suspisciously while he tries to look innocent)

**Chang Wumei**: a deal? Let moi thinkies...lol a threesome with Ron lmao! oh! THANKIES FOR TELLING ME THAT LIL MISTAKE! I knew I spelt that wrong somehow lol

**silverflames03**: THANK YOU! BIG BEAR HUG!!!! lol I like making people see the light in characters they don't usually like hee, at least the characters that I like lol

**sexAy-iranian23**: yup! I'll take that advice to the grave lol thank you!

okays, if this was late...MOI IS SORRY!!! My parents have been dragging me out of the house (grumbles) that's the only reason I hate vacation...oh! And On the sixteenth of this month I'll be at Venezuela for two weeks (cries) the sheer horror of going on a plane! So for those two weeks, there won't be any updates (still crying) (sniff) me will be fine just read the update like the good peoples y'all are (sniff) ok I'm good now lol

* * *

Chapter Five: Attempted Murder!

* * *

"What the blinking fuck was she doing in the train!?" Harry yelled inside one of the carriages that were pulled by the thestrals, "she's not supposed to be here! This was suppose to be my last happy year at Hogwarts!"

"It will be," Draco assured, patting the raven heads lap, "as long as I'm here anyway."

"Aww that's so cute!" Pansy commented with hearts in her eyes. She faltered slightly when the couple suddenly started making out unembarrassedly, groping each other and practically stripping the other while groaning and moaning in pleasure.

"Now that's hot," Ginny commented, her eyes glued on the couple.

"Don't they ever get tired of having sex all the time?" Neville asked, even though he too was staring.

"No!" everyone shouted, especially Harry and Draco.

"Uh-heh! Got it!" he nervously shrank slightly.

"Don't pay any attention to them, they're just horny," Ginny assured.

"You said 'no' too," but the redhead ignored the comment.

In no time the carriage stopped before the front gates of the school, everyone stepped out including a reluctant blond and Gryffindor (who by the way, ended up wearing the others uniform in their fast attempt to get dressed).

"Draco, Harry, switch clothes before you get an audience," Pansy murmured, seeing the mistake in their getting dressed.

"With pleasure," Draco bowed before turning to Harry, "quidditch shower rooms?"

"Lead the way!" and the two ran off holding hands.

"Hopeless...me want gumballs," Hermione said tearily as they all walked inside.

-

(Sorting Hat ceremony ended, blah blah blah, now we're at Dumbledores speech! Bwaha!)

"Dudes and dudettes!" Dumbledore said, standing up from his chair and getting everyone in the Great Halls attention, "whassup! Welcome back to another year at Hogwarts man!" Everyone eyed each other before applauding rather nervously.

"He's still a hippie?" Ginny muttered. Ron and the others sighed sadly.

"Harry and Draco had better hurry up," Colin muttered, "even if they are shagging they should be done by now."

Ginny blinked. "But...they just left us ten minutes ago."

"That's enough time for a quick shag...sort of...hmm," he tapped his chin in thought.

"As y'all know or will now know," Dumbledore continued, "the forbidden forest is...well...ya know, forbidden! If you go in and manage to come out alive you probably have an arm or something detached."

"Headmaster!" McGonagall muttered angrily in disaprovement in his speech, but the hippie continued.

"I mean there's angry centaurs there, along with a baby giant, some unicorns, bugs, big ones," he said tapping each of his fingers in count, "nasty plants with teeth and stuff-"

"Dumbledore!" McGonagall's lips became a thin line in her anger.

"Right, right, well now that you know that lil part," he smiled happily even though the first years were shaking in fright, "there's also curfew, which I know some of you will break for a bit of exploration or going over to your boyfriend or girlfriend for some make-out or shagging session-OW!"

"Hm!" McGonagall smiled slightly in triumph, she had stomped her foot on Dumbledore's really hard.

"Pain," the headmaster whimpered a bit before restoring his composure, "yeah well, there's also this thing about some killer coming here to kill certain students, so because of that we'll be having a defense army to protect us, _any-deaths-which-is-likely-will-receive-a-ceremony-at-the-end-of-the-year_, with that out of the way, EAT UP!" he gave them the peace sign.

The students looked slightly confused at what Dumbledore said in a rush but they ate anyway.

"Hey!" someone shouted at the staff table.

"Oh right. YO DUDES AND DUDETTES!" Dumbledore yelled making everyone jump and turn to him, "we got a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Cho Chang!" he waved exaggeratingly to the young lady who stood up and smiled rather doll-like at everyone, they were all creeped out. Dumbledore sat back down.

"God what a bitch," Sprout muttered.

"Bwaha! Got that right!" the headmaster laughed. Cho sat back down and farted causing Snape to stand up and run away from the table with his hand covering his nose and mouth.

"No gumballs?" Hermione looked at the table full of food, her bottom lip quivered.

"I'll trade you three for anything that'll take Cho's nasty fart smell away," Snape said from behind her, tapping her shoulder with a small bag of gumballs.

Hermione gasped and spun around on her seat, she jumped on the table with an insane look in her eye, scaring everyone near her especially Snape who had his eyebrow twitching nervously.

"MY LOVE!!!" she shouted jumping on him and sending him down on the floor. Everyone watching sweatdropped. "I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING! MY VIRGINITY, MY BOOKS, ONE OF MY PORN MOVIES, MY PARENTS MONEY-"

"I can't...breathe!" the potions master managed to get out, waving his arms as his face started turning blue. Hermione had put her whole full weight on his chest, the poor man.

-

"Mmm!" Harry was pressed against the wall of the shower room, still kissing Draco who was fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. "Should we take a shower?" he breathed out once the blond started trailing his kisses on his neck.

"Mhhmmm," was all the Slytherin could reply, he finally got Harry shirt off and was now working with his pants. The raven head closed his eyes and arched his back slightly when Draco started swirling his tongue on his hard nipples.

"_Gods_..." he lifted Draco's tucked in shirt and started to unbutton it.

The shower farthest away from them suddenly turned on, steam quickly started emitting from it when the water hit the ground getting Harry's attention quickly.

"You-_ohh!_ Could have picked a shower closer to us," Harry said breathlessly.

"Mm?" Draco pulled down Harry's pants, "what are you talking about, luv?" he traced his tongue on the Gryffindor's muscles making Harry start to pant.

"You...turned the shower on right?" he tried to rub himself against his boyfriend.

"No I didn't," he pulled down Harry's boxers and gripped his erection while he kissed the boy again.

Harry pulled back suddenly, "but I didn't turn the shower on."

The shower next to the last turned on too, it too emitted steam, the shower room was becoming hot.

"What the hell?" Draco turned to face the showers, the next shower turned on too.

"ACK! IT'S HAUNTED!" Harry yelled running to the door, "IT'S LOCKED! WE'RE DOOMED!"

The fourth shower blasted on, Harry and Draco clung to each other as the steaming water of the showers kept getting closer. "Got any plans?" the blond asked nervously.

"No...we're so dead."

"Well then," Draco swallowed, "I just wanna say, I've always loved you, ever since I met you at Madam Malkins."

"Really?" he looked at him in the eye.

"Well who could not love you're perfectly adorable green eyes and messy black hair, it's fucking irresistible!"

"Oh Draco! I love you so much!" he hugged him, the closest shower sprung on and they jumped to the wall to keep away from the scalding hot water. "IT'S THE END!"

They turned to the shower before them and screamed aloud. Not because the shower turned on, but because there was a cloaked figure standing tall and raising an ax, ready to kill them.

"AHHH!" Harry quickly slapped the man from one way to the other so many times they the figure stumbled back, slipped and fell on the wet tiled floor.

"Jesus Christ! Mother fucking hell!" he said caressing his cheeks and sore bum.

"YAAA!" Draco kicked the door opened. He watched in shock as the door fell flat on the floor. Harry pulled up his boxers and pants, grabbed his shirt, stuck his tongue out at the slightly beaten killer and tore out of the shower room with Draco.

-

"Ah, so you say this type of shampoo will help me with my greasy hair?" Snape asked holding a shampoo bottle that said, 'Grease today, gone tomorrow' Hermione nodded enthusiastically as she chewed on a gumball happily.

"Yup, it worked wonders on my cousins' hair."

"Why is Snape sitting with us?" Ginny muttered to Neville.

"Because Cho farted, that girl's evil," he shook his head.

"Mmm! Yummy!" Ron said happily as he bit into a chicken leg while refilling his cup of pumpkin juice. Ginny sighed and shook her head.

"He is SO not my brother!"

"Am too, check the birth certificate and blood test, bitch," he said astonishingly clearly through his stuffed mouth. He received a punch in the head.

"But what about my old shampoo? Shine Away?" Snape continued curiously (so ooc but cute!).

Hermione blew a bubble and shook her head, "that's what gave you the greasy hair look, I can give you a new hair style if you want, my cousin taught me a bunch of things on hair."

"Who is this cousin of yours?"

"Aden Granger, he owns a hair salon," she blew another bubble. Snape raised an eyebrow dully.

"Then how come you kept your hair bushy!?"

"'Cause I'm lazy," she shrugged, "I guess I should change it," she twirled her finger in a knot of her hair, "it's really getting hard to wake up and not see the sun with all my hair in the way..."

The doors slammed open grabbing everyone's attention. They saw a pretty sight indeed.

Harry had his shirt clutched in his hand which left his whole torso bare while he was breathing heavily in attempt to return to a normal breathing level, plus he was drenched in water and his pants were dangerously hanging on his hips, looking like they'd slip down, lets just say Filch took the whole night mobbing the floor of drool.

Draco was also drenched in water, breathing heavily with his clothes clinging on him revealing his wonderfully toned muscles and shape.

With two hot boys like that it's no wonder why even the straightest guys were getting boners.

"Killer...in...shower room...quidditch! Ax...oxygen! Bleh!" was all Harry could say.

"Killer?" Dumbledore stood up, finally alert, "where?"

"Quidditch shower rooms!" Draco said at once, "tried to...kill us (insert gasps and cries of fear from everyone)...showers turned on hot water...he had an ax...I'm pooped," he and Harry collapsed in the nearest free spot.

Of course, there was room for only one at the Hufflepuff table. Draco ended up sitting on the free space while Harry sat on his lap, resting his back on the blonds' chest while his head was slightly thrown back and Draco had his arms wrapped around his waist with his head on Harry's shoulder.

Everyone watched in silence while also getting hornier at the beautiful sight before them.

"SHAG!" Pansy shouted suddenly, everyone jumped out of their drooling reverie and shouted in agreement.

"That's enough!" McGonagall said, standing up. Cho, Dumbledore, and Sprout left with their wands out and ready. "Everyone go to your dorms, the Defense Army stays."

"Defense army?" Ron questioned, raising an eyebrow and looking around curiously.

"That's us you dimwit," Ginny sighed and stood up, Hermione was still in her deep conversation about hair styles with Snape.

"Really? Wow that's cool!" Neville said, grinning cheekily and getting Ginny to blush brilliantly, "well, later then, bye," he walked off with the rest of the retreating students.

Once everyone left Ginny and the others walked over to the Gryffindor head of house.

"Now listen," she said in a hushed voice. There were sounds of groans and moans, she looked up and blushed lightly, "POTTER! MALFOY! PAY ATTENTION!"

"We _aaaaare_," Harry moaned, throwing his head back as Draco slid his hand into his pants as he sucked the boys' neck. McGonagall blushed harder and turned away.

"Teenagers," she muttered tersely before facing the curious teenagers, "now that you've been given the job as the defense army of this school you will all have living quarters in one of the towers."

"ALRIGHT!" Ron raised a fist happily, nearly hitting Blaise.

"Right," she closed her eyes in irritation, "it looks like the killer came sooner than we thought so in order for you to actually protect this school you must go under special training, you won't fight tonight, I daresay the killer's already gone by now-"

_"Faster!"_ Harry's breathy cry interrupted. McGonagall's lips went thin again.

"You'll receive schedules in the morning as well as no classes for tomorrow-"

"YES!" Colin repeated the fist that Ron did.

"Will you listen!" she said through gritted teeth, everyone shut up, "good, if you follow me, I'll take you to the tower," she turned to the shagging couple and wondered idly why she didn't hear them hit the floor, "POTTER! MALFOY! QUIT FUCKING THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF EACH OTHER AND FOLLOW ME TO THE TOWER!"

The two grumpily got up and dressed a bit sloppily, grumbling something about dumping McGonagall to an active volcano.

"Oh no, braids? That would look horrible on me! On you it would be better," Snape nodded.

"Hmm, maybe," Hermione twirled a lock of her hair in thought, "what about a hair cut? I know one that would fit you perfectly!"

"SNAPE! GRANGER! QUIT TALKING LIKE GIRLFRIENDS AND COME HERE!"

"God she is such a bitch some times, I'm telling you," Snape sighed, standing up along with Hermione.

"She's fair, but yeah she is a bitch," Hermione nodded.

"This one time she started screaming and yelling when she found Dumbledore sleeping with her, it was hilarious! She thought he was going to rape her!"

"I TOLD YOU TO FOLLOW ME!" she looked like a monster now.

"OH DO SHUT UP!" was her answer.

* * *

OMG! Did I try to kill off our main couple! Ack! Oh well there's more funny killing attempts ahead along with more blossoming love (stupidly runs around throwing flowers in the air) REVIEW PLEASE!


	6. Letters From The Past

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter (cries) this world is so freakin' evil T.T

THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS!!!

**Lyla Hayden**: glad I brightened your day soz, it was bad though (sweatdrop)

**jack**: thank you!!!! (anime smile)

**Yana5**: lol thanks hee!

**LaraBlack**: whoa! (catches breath) did not expect the shag lol (sweatdrop) thanks though lol glad you like the chappy!!!

**DavePotter**: lol I was curious about Girly!Snape (anime smile) I like it, tis funny lol

**thedarkside45**: lol (dances along too) thanks!

**Shadow Psi**: adjectives? (blink blink) I'm so slow (sweatdrop)(runs to dictionary)

**Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares**: ok! HEE what kind of character would you like to be? And is this aloud in 'cause I read something in their updates about no interactive fics

**sexAy-iranian23**: lol oocness can be so funny sometimes, if you do it right I guess (shrugs) I basically have no idea what I'm doing lol thanks!

**RootbeerFloat**: thanks again!!!! (big ass bear hug) lol I had fun writing that part hee

**Chang Wumei**: lol remember you said something about R/H in a review before? Well I sneaked something in this chappy but instead of Herm feeling up Ron it's the opposite...yeah...lol as for Remus...dude I totally forgot (cracks up) soz, I'll try and bring him in in the future

**CannedSkittles**: heh soz, I only got in a lil bit before they were interrupted...oops...don't kill me!

**silverflames03**: glad you like me Sev! Hee lol too bad I can't bring my computer with me on the vacation (cries)

**Nichole08**: lol should I make that hair scene at the bar? Heehee!

**Ryan's-heart's-desire**: lol things are gonna get crazier like in the first fic lol

**CrazyLake42**: soz this came out sorta late (on my schedule anyway) the next chappy will come out later 'cause I'm gonna be heading off for two week (cries)

**Chihiro-loves-Haku**: thank you!!! (big hug!)

**taekrsbass**: lol, you ok? (sweatdrop)

**!TOODLES!**: lol soz about the late update!

**reflectivelvet**: here's the new chappy! but the next one will come out in like two weeks or something (cries) I'm being torn off my computer by me evil parents!

ok people! **BIG ASS NOTE!** I'll be gone for two weeks to Venezuela (sniff) so the next chappy will come out REALLY late...SOZ!!!!!

* * *

Chapter Six: Letters From The Past

* * *

"Cho's the new DADA teacher!?" gaped Harry when they told him the news, "just fucking great!"

"Mr. Potter! Watch your language!" scolded McGonagall; she missed the middle finger that was sent to her.

"It's not that bad, at least if she tries to feel you up or something you can report her to Azkaban, tis illegal for a teacher to rape a student," shrugged Ron.

Everyone turned to him, "DUH!"

"Tuh! Whatever, haters."

"What are we hating?" Hermione asked cluelessly.

"Oh Weasley thinks he's all smart and everything, so tell me about this hairspray you were talking about," said Snape.

"Can Harry and I share rooms, professor?" Draco asked innocently.

"And continue your reckless sex everyday?" McGonagall said testily, Draco didn't drop his innocent expression, "whatever, but you'd better clean the uh...ahem! Leftovers when you're done."

"Leftovers?" the blond raised an eyebrow.

"You know, the cum, maybe some saliva, that stuff," Harry replied unblushingly.

"Oh..." he turned to the Gryffindor head of house, "of _course_ we'll clean it up."

"Good."

"With our tongues."

"EUGH!!!!" everyone took a step away from the snickering Slytherin.

"Here we are," McGonagall stopped in front of a painting of a young woman in a black dress with white wings, sitting on a rock.

"Are these them?" the painting asked, her accent sort of street-like and completely the opposite from what everyone thought she would sound, "jeeze, they're like models what the fuck!?"

"Should I take that as a compliment?" Ginny asked dully.

"Cho Chang's a bitch and should die a slow painful death," McGonagall said calmly, everyone gawked at her but the painting opened.

"I like the password...it's a bit long though," Harry said, following the deputy head in the passage that lead to a luxurious common room.

"Bloody hell god loves me," Ron breathed.

The common room screamed royalty. Cushiony sofas that were smooth and gold along with some detailed sewing of flowers and plants. Soft carpeting in the colors that matched the sofas, carved desks that had detailed engravings of vines curving up the legs, a painting of the Hogwarts four stood over the large fire place. They all waved at the newcomers.

"The girls dormitories are on the left, boys on the right, got that?" said McGonagall, the teens nodded, "good, now you're responsibilities in the Defense Army will show on how well you protect the students from Tye, if you do well then we'll get out of this alive. If not, well then we're fucked."

"Does anyone besides me think McGonagall's emotionally disturbed? One second she bitching and the next second she's swearing," Harry muttered.

"Menopause maybe?" Draco suggested.

"How old IS she?" Ginny whispered.

"Professor? Are you going through menopause?" Hermione asked out loud.

"What?" McGonagall sputtered, "I beg your pardon!?"

"Yeah, she is," Hermione nodded, popping her third gumball in her mouth.

"I am NOT going through menopause! How dare you?" you could have sworn you'd see steam coming out of her ears.

"She didn't mean it," Ginny said, kicking Hermione in the shin from behind, "she's just being brainless at the moment."

"Brainless!? Why you mouth yapping whore!" yelled the bushy haired gumball addict.

"Second next to you."

"Excuse me!? How dare you even insinuate that I'm brainless you redhaired freak!"

"Suck my tits, I could care less."

"Oh that does it, hold my earrings, Sevvy," Hermione whipped out a scrunchie and tied her hair into a ponytail.

"You don't have any earrings," Snape blinked, he quickly grabbed the brunette around the waist before she could jump onto Ginny and pound the crap out of her.

"Now wait I minute, 'Mione!" Ron said, jumping between the two, "come on, you're both friends, you shouldn't fight!"

"Move over peace maker!" Hermione raised her fist but Ron grabbed it.

"Doesn't this sound familiar?" Draco asked thoughtfully.

"...No," Harry raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend.

"What Hermione and Ginny said, 'suck my...' _yeah_...and 'second next to you'? Those insults are what we said to each other before we went to Honeydukes, ah how strange life is," he wiped an invisible tear.

"Hm! Déjà vu!" Harry grinned, looking back at the fight.

"'Mione stop! If you hurt Ginny I'll get in trouble!" Ron practically begged.

"Errgh! Fuck off! She deserves what she's gonna get!" Hermione growled menacingly.

"God, what a child," Ginny muttered.

"Hermione, act sensibly, fighting won't get you anywhere," Pansy said in hopes to get some sense into the lunatic girl, she sweatdropped with she got the evil eye.

"Listen to Pansy, woman! Goddamnit you're strong!" Ron said, trying to hold back Hermione's fist a little more.

"Errr-AAARRRGH!!!!" the Gryffindorette used all of her might and knocked Ron to the ground. But she fell too and ended up sitting on the redhead and in Ron's attempt to not get his face smashed he shielded himself with his hands and my oh my...

...His hands landed on Hermione's melons!

"Huh?" the brunette looked down at her chest and just stared, "why Ron! This is so sudden!"

"I'll give you sudden," growled Pansy, and she jumped on Hermione, sending her sideways to the ground, two seconds later they were both in a cat fight.

"Pansy what about 'fighting won't get you anywhere'!?" Blaise yelled.

"SCREW IT!" and she landed a punch square on Hermione's face.

"You do realize," Colin said, sitting down next to the astonished Ron, "that they're fighting over you?"

"...Yeah," the redhead said shakily, "I didn't know it would get this bad though."

Everyone (except the fighting duo) looked at Ron incredulously. "WHAT!?"

-

"Sir, I have news," Cho said to the reflection in the mirror.

"That you saved a lot of money by registering for gei-"

"No, no, no...well, yeah but I'm talking about Potter and the others!" she mentally slapped her forehead in exasperation.

"Ah! Good," he said evilly, rubbing his hands, "very, very, VERY good heheheheh!"

"..._Riiiiiight_...well I just found out that they are the defense army of the school," she frowned when she saw her boss examine his nails, "sir?"

"Do you think purple fits me? I dunno, it'll look like my fingers are bruised or something," he said in a lisp.

"SIR!"

"Whaaaaat?" he whined.

"Urgh!" she massaged her temples, "do you want Potter and his friends dead or not?"

"Of course I do!"

"Would that also explain the reason why you came here and tried to kill him and Malfoy with an ax?" she asked dully.

"What? I never went to Hogwarts!" he scoffed, "are you feeling ill or something, darling?"

"No I just have headache..." she stopped, "oh yeah right! Like there's another person here who wants to kill Harry Potter!" she said sarcastically, "but with an ax? Hun, you gotta think of something more artistic and less messy."

"I swear to my ass that I was never there...an ax? HA! That person needs to learn the lessons of the art of murder," he chuckled.

"But if it wasn't you...then...whoever it is, is probably still here!" she paled in fear.

"Where did the attempted murder take place? Come on, tell me, ahaha! I gotta know if it's embarrassing or not."

"It was in the quidditch showers...Potter and Malfoy said something about the showers being turned on hot water. When I got there the killer was gone but the showers were still on."

The reflection of her boss stopped laughing. "Anything...else?" he said in an overdramatic tone.

"Um..." she racked though her memories, "there was a message on the mirrors, it said 'one by one all will be dead, stripped from their bones to rot in the sun, I'll strike on and on, and kill all of you, I am the messenger, from above and beyond.'"

"...That was convenient of you to remember all of that," Cho's boss said in a dull sarcastic voice. "But this sounds familiar...it could be...HIM?"

"Him? No way! I thought I killed him!"

"He must have survived...you are pretty bad at aiming things you know."

"Shut up! If there's a killer out there, and if it's HIM! Then I'm not taking part of this shit anymore, I'm quitting, get me the _fuck_ out of here!"

"Look, Farts A Million, you sealed the deal with this friggin' contract," he held up a long piece of parchment, "now go do your job and pretend that the killer's a friend...all killer's are friends to each other."

"...You're a _straaaaange_ man, but whatever, Potter wouldn't talk to me about Cedric so I'ma whoop his ass!"

"THAT'S THE FREAKIN' SPIRIT!"

-

The morning found Harry waking up to a naked sleeping blond, their limbs tangled up in a way that got him a hard on.

"Hmm," Draco hummed, stirring, "is that an erection I'm feeling?" he grinned and opened his eyes, staring back at emerald green. "Good morning," he smiled cutely.

"Good morning indeed," he leaned over and kissed him, Draco quickly let entrance and massaged Harry's tongue while also letting it explore his mouth in a soothing motion.

The blond let out a soft moan when a hand slid down to his hardening crotch. Harry grinned and stroked him slowly; Draco let out another moan and tried to rub himself against him.

An owl swooped in and started pecking their heads to stop making out, which they did because the owl started pecking harder.

"Fucking owl," Draco muttered, rubbing his head. The owl hooted indignantly and stuck out its foot out where two envelopes were tied. "You could have hooted instead of peaked!" he untied the letters grumpily.

The owl seemed to be glaring and he made a motion as if it were about to poop on the bed.

"AHHHH! OK! OK I'M SORRY! JUST DON'T SHIT ON THE SHEETS!"

Harry chuckled and gave the owl an owl treat, it nipped his finger in thanks and flew off.

"This is yours," Draco handed him one of the envelopes as he opened his own.

(Small silence while they read...(tick-tick tick-tock)...ok they're done)

"You have GOT to be fucking me!" Harry breathed out in shock.

"Ditto," there was a look of bewilderment on Draco's face.

The door opened and Ginny and the others stepped inside (Pansy and Hermione were still a bit bruised from their fight last night). "You got the letters too?" the redhead asked, still looking at hers, she received nods.

"This is freaky," Ron shook his head, still staring at his letter.

"It's probably just a trick," yawned Hermione, "I need a gumball. Sevvy must have more."

"Sevvy?" Blaise raised an eyebrow. He took a step back from the evil eye Hermione sent him.

"Why would they trick us?" Pansy asked, "I mean, if it's not a trick then..."

"But how could Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin know about us?" Colin asked, frowning at the letter.

* * *

Oooo! Anuda weird ending! Soz this took a while! And it was short; soz about that too, anyway, gotta go and take a showa. I have to leave at two in the morning (cries)


	7. Dead Bodies

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter (blows nose) I don't have enough talent to own it anyway...(blink) was that angsty? HELL NO THIS IS A HUMOR FIC! NO ANGST HERE!...wasn't this supposed to just be the disclaimer...

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS!

**Shui-Wing0**: lol I agree with you, the computers at Venezuela were a bitch too, the keyboards were like alien made or something (sigh) I couldn't log in, it was horrible (cries) Thanks for the review! Glad you like the bad guy!

**RootbeerFloat**: wow LONG review THANK YOU!!! (big ass bear hug!) lol glad you like the last chappy, but now that I'm back to writing I'm not sure about this one (sweatdrop) the mysterious killer? Hmmm I'm keeping him mysterious until I know who he can be (sweatdrop) lol I do things so randomly that I confuse myself! lol

**Lyla Hayden**: ack! I totally forgot about putting in the part at what it said inside! (bangs head) I'll have to still that in somewhere in the next chappy, soz!

**driven to insanity**: soz this took like two weeks (I was at Venezuela, my parents are so evil sometimes) but finally! Here's the update!

**LaraBlack**: lol thank you! I'll try and make them do magic more, they'll probably have to do more in the next chappy lol glad you like Pansy!

**Yana5**: lol thanks!

**Ryan's-heart's-desire**: (raises eyebrows) I need to take a peek in that closet...lol thanks!

**CrazyLake42**: lol I updated just now and I came back yesterday, I would have updated yesterday but I fell asleep once I hit the sack, three plane rides made my ass hurt (sweatdrop) lol

**Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares**: the pairings are gonna get freaky, trust me, as for the letters...OOPS! I totally forgot to add that in this chappy, I'll have to remember to add that in the next one (sweatdrop) soz o and I'll be adding your character in that one too (anime/kawaii smile)

**reflectivelvet**: I know, soz it's confusing, it's just a bunch of killers trying to get Harry and his buds, while they're at it they're killing the students too, ask me what else is still confusing please! thanks!

**thedarkside45**: lol soz I forgot to add what was in the letter here, I'll have to sneak it in the next chappy, thanks for reviewing!

**sexAy-iranian23**: lol thanks!

**taekrsbass**: lol penguins lol, soz this came out so late but better late than neva!

**Bongo MonkeysXP**: Ron finally notices something! (crap did I just spoil you? O.O)

**silverflames03**: yeah I'm sozzy, I forgot to add the letter part here...me will have to stick it in the next chappy. Yay I'm back, and safe from any plane crashes lol the trip TOO Venezuela but the trip back here I felt like a lil kid lol

**Chang Wumei**: (opens door and Remus enters) WELCOME TO HONEYDUKES TWO: HELL TO PAY!!!! lol your welcome on the R/Hness! lol and the SS GGness, Dumbly shall explain

**SlytherinGrlForever**: lol thanks, and yes Salazar and Godric are very dead, just...yeah...Dumbly will explain everything lol

**Nichole08**: lol i did have a great time but I was sick through the whole thing (cries) my parents thought I wasn't telling the truth! oh well...o dude I nearly drowned in the beach too! lol anyway here's the update!!!

**DemonRogue13**: here Draco's cutely insane, and Hermione...she's just creepy..lol

**xXxIce.PrincessxXx**: lol thanks!!! (big bear hug!!!) um...here's a stuuuupid question, how do I send the av's to yeh? O.O

**heart and soul**: I sure hope I'm keeping it up, I'm not so happy with this chappy gah! lol enjoy!

I AM BACK FROM VENEZUELAAAA!!!!!! It was fun but my whole time there I was sick (cries) oh well...at least I had some fun...especially with the horsies (laughs at memories of yelling at running horse to slow down because my ass hurt)

* * *

Chapter Seven: Dead Bodies...it's not that scary!

* * *

"Yo Mista Dumblydoor!" shouted Blaise, pounding on the door. Everyone stared at him blankly, "open da door we gotta tualk to yeh!"

"Um...Blaise, sweet stuff, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Colin asked nervously.

"Hm? This is the way to get Dumbledore to open the door, HEY MISTA D!"

The door opened and Dumbledore's sleepy self looked at them groggily. "Yo..." he yawned. Everyone looked at his pajamas, they were baby purple and seemed to belong to one really big baby because the feet were also covered and there was a teddy bear knitted on the left chest of the pajamas. "What brings you dudes to my sanctuary?" he yawned again.

Everyone held up their letters.

"_Ooooooh_well, come on in dudes and dudettes, I got lots to tell y'all," the teens walked inside and sat on the pillows as they watched Dumbledore walk hurriedly yet slowly to his own pillow. He sat on it and yawned again, smacked his lips numerous times before he was fully awake.

"Um...Headmaster...what's with the letters? Why are they signed by Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin?" Harry asked while the old hippie stretched.

"You're their sons and daughters," he replied calmly as he scratched his ass.

"_WHAT!?_" they all shouted.

Dumbledore laughed. "Nah I'm just screwin' with yeh," he earned glares but he ignored it, "see what happened was this thing we call Mondo Future Prophesizing."

"Aw no more prophecies please, I barely understood my own prophesy," moaned Harry.

"...Dude that prophesy was so clear a newly born baby could understand it," blinked Dumbledore.

"But that part! 'Neither can live while the other survives' I didn't know if I was gonna die too! God the crap was literally scared out of me!"

There was a pause before Dumbledore spoke again. "So anyway this Mondo Future Prophesizing thing deals with a lot of magic, Godric and Salazar were the strongest out of the Hogwarts four, now they were the opposite to what everyone thought them to be. They got drunk together, had sex, made lil babies together, fought together, got married, the whole nine yards and in that order too."

Everyone gawked at him. "Um...that's all nice and everything...but what does that have anything to do with us?" Ron asked, making a face.

"Well when they had sex their magical powers got mixed and became so great that they themselves could prophesize."

Harry tried to ignore the pouty look Draco was giving him. "Harry!" he whined.

"We are not gonna prophesize, natural course of time will tell us what happens," he crossed his arms.

"But I wanna know what our kids will look like!" he gave him puppy dog eyes but Harry shut his eyes.

"I'd rather like to know which one of us will get pregnant."

"Hey! If you two are finished yapping can we please get this thing going I want to know about the letters!" yelled Ginny.

The two stopped talking and faced the headmaster. "Right then, so they were planning on making a defense army and would only give the jobs to the most worthy people at the most dangerous of times," he whipped out a bunch of gumballs from his pocket and popped a few in his mouth.

Bad idea because now Hermione was watching closely like an abandoned puppy, everyone nervously moved back, Draco even jumped on Harry's lap.

"They used their prophesy powers and saw you guys, they wrote their letters to you dudes along with some awesome powers you've probably already gotten."

"Um...how do you know all this? I mean you're one OLD man but they were before your time," said Draco blatantly.

"They gave me a letter," he blew a bubble with his gum, that did it. Hermione flew over and jumped on him.

"GIVE...ME...THE GUMBALLS!" she growled madly.

"No way they're mine!" he stuffed his mouth with what seemed to be the rest of the gumballs, "hm!"

"I need my gumballs!" she said panically, "give me gumballs!"

"She's creepy," Colin laughed shakily, hiding behind Blaise.

* * *

The mysterious killer sat in the Hufflepuff table munching on a cheeseburger with relish.

"And then she just goes and rip his penis off with a kitchen knife," Zacharias shook his head.

"That poor man!" gasped a crazed Slytherin by the name of Malcolm Baddock.

"I was rooting for his wife! She's got guts to do that!"

"But wasn't he asleep?"

"Oh right..." they stopped at the door to the great hall, "excuse me! Sir!?" The killer just kept munching on his food. "Hello!?"

"Mister Spooky Cloaked Figure!" shouted Malcolm. The killer waved them off, "maybe it's a new teacher," he shrugged.

The sound of footsteps came up from behind them. They turned and faced a man with graying hair, young face, and a train wreck of robes.

"Professor Lupin!" Zacharias shouted. Malcolm looked at the man in confusion.

"Who?" he asked.

"He was our DADA teacher in third year," the Hufflepuff answered, "you wouldn't happen to know that guy over there would you Professor?" he pointed behind him.

"I'm not your teacher anymore," sighed Remus, he looked at the cloaked figure, "um...nope, don't know him, I can't see his face and the shape of the body's unfamiliar."

"Shape of the body?" Malcolm asked, raising an eyebrow, "ok then."

"Mister Creepers!" shouted Remus, "how's the cheeseburger!?" the two students goggled at him, "it'll get him to talk, trust moi, so how's the cheese-"

THWANG!

Malcolm stumbled back and looked down at his chest where a mini ax was sticking out. "Hey!" he said indignantly, "watch the heart!" with that said, he collapsed dead once his head hit the ground.

Remus gawked at the dead boy. "Oh shit!" and he took off, probably to the safest place in the castle, Snapes offi-I mean, the broom closet!

Zacharias looked down at his short timed friend, "you killed Malclom!" he shook a fist at the killer who went back to eating his cheeseburger, "YOU BASTAR-" BANG! Zacharias fell to the ground too when he was shot in the head by the killers' beebee gun (I forgot how to spell it).

Mr. Killer lay down his gun on the table and took a long sip of his nicely cold Dr. Pepper before going back to chowing down on his delicious cheeseburger.

-(_HOURS_ later)-

"I'm going back to bed," yawned Pansy, stretching and not noticing Ron watching, "Mondo Future Prophesizing? Couldn't they think of a better name?"

"Mmhmmm..." Ron nodded dumbly.

"Ron?" Hermione stopped and tapped her foot while blowing a bubble with her gum. How she got the gum from Dumbledore will make all shudder... "what are you staring at?"

"Hm?" Pansy glanced at Ron, blushed furiously and stopped stretching.

"Pervert," teased Ginny, grinning like a cat.

They continued to walk down the corridor when suddenly a funky smell caught up in their noses.

"Ok," Colin said as if he were about to throw up, "who farted?" Everyone protested saying it wasn't them.

"It doesn't smell like fart," Blaise sniffed the air, "more like...something rotten."

"Eww! It's getting worse!" Pansy pulled her shirt over her nose and mouth which caught Ron's attention.

'**Hey her belly-button's really cute!**' he thought, fighting back the urge to go over and lick it. Why he was acting like this, we don't know, maybe because he got no breakfast or because he finally realized Pansy was something to look at.

The smell was getting stronger; Hermione blew a bubble and somehow managed to stick her nose in it without popping it. "Ah!" she sighed happily, "cherry flavored goodness."

"Oh my god!" Draco squealed, jumping onto Harry's arms, "it's really tacky shoes! The horror!" he pointed down to Zacharias's school shoes that lost their shine.

"Let's get out of here before people think we killed them!" Colin jumped on Blaises shoulders, not exactly knowing how he did it but not caring at the moment. "Come on let's go!"

And they took off...well Hermione stayed behind and checked their pockets before taking off with her hands full of gumballs, compliments to the dead Malcolm.

* * *

Remus kicked the door open and tore in scaring the crap out of Snape who was busy fixing his hair so that Hermione could give it a hair-cut later in the day.

"Sevvy I..." Remus stopped and examined the potions professors' attire. A silky green bathrobe with fluffs at the ends and feathery lime green slippers, "love that bathrobe, looks gorgeous on you," the werewolf commented.

"Remmie! Darling! What are you doing here?" Snape walked over and gave some sort of airy kiss to both of Remus's cheeks (like fashion designers to their favorite customers/friends).

"I came to visit," he looked afraid, "and there's been a murder."

"Oh Draco and Potter are fine," Snape assured, walking over to his closet.

"No, I mean a murder that happened just now."

"Really? Who was it?" he searched through his long line of black robes that were all practically the same except that there was a little green inscription on the inner collar of the robes that said either Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday etc.

"It was a fourth year I think, had black hair, pale face, Slytherin, Zacharias was with him too," Remus sat on a chair shakily, "he's probably dead too."

"Hmm...it's probably Malcolm Baddock, good riddance that boy was such a nuisance!" he stepped in the closet and closed the door, then reopened it literally a second later, fully dressed.

"The killer nearly killed me!" the werewolf shouted hysterically.

"Awww," he came over and hugged the afraid man tightly, "does lil Remmie need a dick up his bum?" he cooed.

The former professor sniffed and gave him puppy dog eyes. "_Mmmaybe_."

"It's a curse, they all want me," Snape said overdramatically before leading Remus to his bedroom.

* * *

Cho hurried down the crowded corridor, her stomach aching of hunger. "Move over I'm a professor, I deserve my food first!" she pushed through the crowd, not caring that she gave a few of them concussions. "Move it-" she stopped when she saw the reason for the traffic jam.

There lay the dead bodies of Zacharias and Malcolm, sprawled and with their pockets turned inside out.

"Hmm," she kneeled down and examined the corpses.

"Move over, I'm a nurse," Pomfey moved through and kneeled down with her trusty first aid kit, "Miss Chang, leave them, they need care."

"Care? They're dead, what care do they need?"

"Oh they can be saved, we can get them back," the nurse narrowed her eyes, "I've been through worse things than this-OH MY GOODNESS!"

For Cho yanked out the ax that was still on Malcolms chest. She studied it for any strange marks and found two circles with a lightening bolt in between making it look like some crooked dick; it was marked on the bottom of the handle. She gasped.

"It's HIM," she hissed.

* * *

"We're going to Honeydukes tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow!" Draco sang, jumping around happily causing Harry to get a headache.

"Could you please calm down? My head hurts," he rubbed his temples.

"Can't, I'm on a sugar high!" Draco said, jumping on the bed in a very unmalfoy-ish manner.

"What sugar? You didn't have any breakfast!"

"I ate some of Dumbledores lemon drops before we left, I can see why he likes them, WEEE!!!!!" he kept jumping.

"Draco, stop before you hit your head," Harry watched as Draco kept jumping higher. "Draco," now he was jumping impossibly higher, almost hitting the ceiling. "DRACO!"

Harry jumped off his chair and rushed over to the giddy blond, grabbing tightly on his waist before he could jump any higher. They fell flat on the bed.

"Don't scare me like that!" breathed the raven head, crawling up to face the giggling Slytherin. "How many lemon drops did you eat?"

"Dunno, I handful, maybe like eighty or something, they were pretty small," he burped and laughed, I mean really laughed, it seemed to be contagious because Harry started cracking up too. He buried his head in his boyfriends' chest to calm himself and breathe in his expensive and intoxicating sent.

"Hmm, you smell good, as always," he almost whispered, sliding his hands under the blonde's shirt, Draco shuddered slightly and let out a groan when Harry's fingers brushed lightly against his hardening nipples. "Is the hyperness wearing off?"

"Yeah, now I've got a headache," Draco sighed and closed his eyes, not minding one bit that the other boy was unbuttoning his shirt, "we see two dead bodies and we're here doing this," he chuckled.

"Smith needed to die, he kept getting on my case at fifth year," the Gryffindor murmured, sucking lightly on the blondes' neck.

"The Baddock person was weird too...we'd better not get in trouble for not saving them!"

"Yeah," he sat up, "I'm hungry, wanna go get some breakfast?"

Draco just stared. "That, what you just did, was torture!" his boyfriend blinked in confusion, "you left me wanting for more!"

"Don't worry," he winked slyly, "you'll get more after breakfast."

"Ok I'm hungry lets go!" Draco grabbed Harry's arm and ran out of their bedroom so they could eat their breakfast and get back to what they were doing.

* * *

Ron sighed as he looked at the letter he received from his mama. It was filled with so much hope of him getting married to Hermione and having children. Oh and a small paragraph telling him to study harder.

'**What the hell do they see in her? She's crazy**,' the redhead thought as he lay back sprawled on the sofa, '**just bloody great!**'

"Mmm! That was a nice nap!" Pansy walked out of her luxurious bedroom, yawning and stretching. Ron craned his neck and watched her closely. She seemed to have finally sprouted some sort of growth spurt because she had a nice curvy figure, and her hair cut fit nicely with it.

"Ron what are you staring at?" Colin's voice made Ron jump out of his skin and fall off the couch.

He stood up quickly, completely red in the face, "nobody saw that," he straightened his shirt. Pansy watched, blushing lightly yet also confused, "I'm gonna go get some breakfast," he walked off leaving a staring Pansy and laughing Colin.

* * *

Ahhhh! I'm not really happy with this chappy! (bangs head) But I haven't written for nearly two weeks so I'm a little rusty (hangs head) oh well...REVIEW PLEASE!


	8. Ah Da Romance!

Dislcaimer: (cough cough) I don't (sneeze) own Harry P-Po-ACHOO!-tter...SEE, IT'S THINGS LIKE THIS THAT MAKE ME SICK! Literally...

THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS PEOPLE!

**Lyla Hayden**: cookies!? (grabs a few and munches on them) THANK YOU!!!

**xXxIce.PrincessxXx**: thank you! (big bear hug) lol dearly missed? (wipes tear) anuda bear hug!

**Psi**: lol here's the next chappy, thanks!

**mizukimarr910**: sorry about that, could ya cut me sum slack? (major sweatdrop) I just got back and I haven't written in two weeks plus I was a bit sick/drowsy that night so the chappy wouldn't have come out right, as for the plot/story line, soz (sweat drop) the Remus/Snape thing, soz about that too but it's already been done so...yeah...and this chappy, the plots not even there so I doubt you'll like this chappy too

**Yana5**: lol it would, I just never see Draco pregnant...wonder how that would be...he'd be even more spoiled than he already is lol

**thedarkside45**: lol I don't mind the anonymous signers, at least it's still a review and they all make me happy lol (chibi smile) THANKS!

**LaraBlack**: lol funny review, almost poetic lol glad you're likin' it so far!

**CrazyLake42**: lol here's the update!

**Ryan's-heart's-desire**: lol I would like to be in that closet too, thanks! and soz if the Remus/Severus thing scared yeh! (sweat drop)

**DemonRogue13**: lol Dumbledore can be scary at random times lol, YES! (punches air) I finally got the R/P thing going!

**Inylan**: thanks! Venezuela was fun, I had a near death experience in the beach (nearly drowned because a wave pulled me close to ocean, could you believe I tried to save my aunt (she was taken with me too) from drowning?) and lived, thank GOD! The horsies were fun...I bought stuff...the food was great...mountains froze my bones lol but it was fun thanks for asking!

**Morwen and the little one**: lmao poor dears (sweat drop) wow you're in school already? o about the breakfast thing, Morwen, I'm making it up in this chappy so...yeah lol enjoy! Hope school gives ya'll a break!

**Shui-Wing0**: lol yes it was terrifying, those computers, all in a different language (even though I understood them) and I didn't know the codes for the 'at' symbol so I couldn't sign in (cries) twas horrible lol, anyway thanks for reviewing!

**RootbeerFloat**: lol long review again (big bear hug) and about the playtime for H/D, got it! Glad you liked the chappy, made me all chipper lol I dunno if I'm funny in real life or on the inside, hee, I just...do what I want I guess (sweat drop/chibi smile), and that sometimes gets people to think that I'm weird so I'm like woohoo! lol and that thing: _it seems like I can take the side of me everyone doesn't see and put it into writting. _I completely understand, I do that most of the time when I write angst. And don't worry about the questions, tis fun when people ask me these kinds of questions lol, as for school, I'm starting on the ninth (cries) so sad. and you said you wished we could talk, do you have msn? 'cause that way we could talk (anime/chibi smile) thanks again for the review! and yes you are my best reviewer! (anuda bear hug)

**Chang Wumei**: lol I know, I reread the last chappy and realized how creepy Draco is on sugar high (sweat drop) and about Ron having two wives...(ponders) I'll think on it. lol Your welcome on the SS/RL scene!

**Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares**: thank you! (bear hug) lol

**SpikedDraco**: O.O .... Uh-heh-heh....here's the new chappy! lol

**Nichole08**: (wipes tear) thanks mucho! there's a lil more R/P stuff in this chappy...I just realized how short this chappy was (hangs head) soz...it won't be as funny as the last one lol just a bit of a break from the plot.

**Lame and Un-needed Note**: ok, PEOPLE! This chappy...is pretty much lame and plotless...not to mention short and...not what I planned it to be...anyway...as a **warning!** there's gonna be some H/D shagging at the end, not D/H for H/D...meaning Draco's not gonna be dominant in this one, which might freak some D/H fans out...anyway...oh just read the chappy!

* * *

Chapter Eight: Ah Da Romance! (it's just a lil break...)

* * *

__

_Dear Mum_

__

_THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT YOU'LL MAKE ME WANT TO MARRY HERMIONE 'LOONY' GRANGER! I'd rather pick someone myself thank you very much. Once again...I WILL NOT MARRY HERMIONE! SHE'S A GUMBALL CRAZY WOMAN AND FRANKLY SHE JUST SCARES ME!! Thank you for understanding._

__

_Your Son_

__

_-Ron_

Ron folded the parchment and slid it in an envelope before tying it to Pig and sending him off. "AND DON'T PECK MUMS NOSE! SHE HATES THAT!" he called after it.

"Who are you yelling at?"

"Waaa!" he jumped and tripped over, falling on his ass, "ow..."

Pansy looked down at him. "Are you ok?" she blushed when he blushed, and she didn't even realize that Ron was looking up her skirt.

"F-fine," he blushed harder, trying to resist the urge to grab Pansy and just take her.

"Uh...ok then," she moved to get her owl but Ron grabbed her leg.

"No! Stay!"

"Why?" she looked at her awaiting owl.

"...I'm comfortable," not really, he was lying on some owl crap and the smell wasn't like any normal bird poop, whoever shitted was one hell of an owl...yuck...

"Really?" Pansy didn't look to sure.

"Uh yeah...just don't go," he still had his hand on her leg and was slowly moving it up, Pansy blushed like a cherry now.

'Oh boy...please let this be real! That I'm not daydreaming again!'

* * *

Ginny sat under one of the trees, reading Hogwarts: A History and glancing at the letter from Godric and Salazar. She was still a little hooked at the whole Defense Army and letter thing that she actually felt like doing some research.

'The old Hermione would have been proud,' she thought amusedly, oddly, the new crazy Hermione was a lot better than the old bookworm. At least now she didn't have to worry about the bushy haired girl telling her to study every minute.

"Aren't you supposed to be in classes?"

"Yaa!" Ginny jumped, she could have sworn the hair on her head stood on every end giving her an afro look, what was up with Weasleys and getting scared to quickly? "Oh," she sighed, "Neville it's you."

"Who did you think it would be?" he sat down next to her.

"The killer, he's been getting popular lately."

"Oh right, he killed that Slytherin and Hufflepuff right?"

"Yep."

"Riiiiight," there was a pause, "whatcha readin'?"

"Hogwarts: A History, I got this letter from Gryffindor and Slytherin and felt like doing some researching, even though I already know the answer," she turned the page, hoping Neville didn't notice that she was blushing because he was so close to her.

"Cool-wait," he shook his head, "Godric and Salazar gave you a letter!?"

"To me, and Harry and the others, yeah," she shrugged casually, '_crudding hell!!!!! __I'm blushing __too much!_'

"What did the letter say?"

"Here," she handed him the letter, and tried to her best to keep breathing normally when Neville's hand brushed hers.

"Okay," he skimmed down the letter

(the moment some have been waiting for!)

__

_Dear Miss Ginny Weasley_

__

_We greatly appreciate your accepting to join the Defense Army to defend Hogwarts on these dark times. Below is a list of things that you will now acquire due to joining the defense army:_

__

_1. Upgrade on speed and agility_

__

_2. Levitation_

__

_3. Telekinetic ability_

__

_The other members of the army will also obtain different gifts. Remember to have a clear head, stay calm-_

__

_Helga: There!_

__

_Salazar: Helgaaa! What in bloody Merlin's name did you just do!?_

__

_Helga: Fixed it up, hee!_

__

_Salazar: Fixed it up!?_

__

_Godric: Well, darling, you must admit, this IS a much better way, at least we don't have to write, thank you Helga._

__

_Helga: No problem, see you later!_

__

_Salazar: ...I just can't believe her, how can she stay so chipper like that? And she ruined the letter! Look at it!_

__

_Godric: Oh well, at least they can sort of see what kind of people we are._

__

_Salazar: (murmurs grumpily)_

__

_Godric: Aw...we'll have sex tonight, I promise!_

__

_Salazar: We can't you donkey! I'm still pregnant! Ten months does not pass in five months you know!_

__

_Godric: Oh right...well, onto the letter, hi there Miss Weasley! First of all, we greatly appreciate you joining the defense army! You'll be receiving powers, they're-_

__

_Salazar: We already went through that part!_

__

_Godric: We did? Oh right! What you now have to do when you train and do the real thing, you have to relax, never go all tense because then when he enters you it might be painful, so anyway, you have to relax, enjoy it-_

__

_Salazar: Have you got sex on your mind twenty-four seven!? You're so horny sometimes, I swear! Ignore Godric, he's got an erection at the moment-_

Neville raised an eyebrow, the letter was oddly entertaining.

__

_Salazar: Now what we meant, is when you're defending the school or training, keep a clear head, you can never be nervous, that will cause what you're fearing to happen, anyway, when you use your powers you have to relax into them, don't force yourself to use them or else they'll never work. And another thing, teamwork is a valuable thing; you're all equal and different at the same time but never higher or lower than the other. That should be it, thank you again for joining the defense army._

__

_Godric: Nice job, now lets have sex!_

__

_Salazar: I'm pregnant!!!!_

__

_Godric: Could you a least suck it or-or touch it?_

__

_Salazar: (sigh) What am I going to do with you, Reventus!_

__

_Sincerely,_

__

_Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin_

"Wow," Neville laughed, "I never knew they had such modern language three-hundred-something years ago," he laughed again.

"Yeah," Ginny smiled shyly, "why aren't you in classes?"

"I felt like cutting," he shrugged, "Snape was getting on my nerves so I took off."

"You cut class? Potions class to be exact?" Ginny said looking impressed; she liked the new Neville, very much indeed.

"I couldn't help it, he kept twirling his fingers in his hair, which by the way didn't look really greasy today and that was creepy," he shuddered.

"Oh you poor boy," Ginny giggled, forgetting her book and lying her head on his shoulder.

"I know," he said in a fake teary voice.

'_Man he's so warm...do I sense a bit of muscle under that shirt?_' Ginny thought, snuggling closer to Neville.

* * *

"Ok, breakfast eaten and digested, no ones here, well except Blaise and Colin, no interruptions, the room's nice and warm, not to mention clean, can we please shag now!" whined Draco. Harry couldn't help but laugh, he loved making Draco all frustrated like that, it actually made sex better...for some odd and un-odd reason...

"Of course we can," the raven head grinned, stepping closer to the blond, "when have I said we couldn't? You could have just shut me up instead of whining," he caressed his boyfriends soft, warm cheek.

Draco looked appalled, "excuse me? You mean to tell me that we did all that stuff for nothing!? Harry Potter I swear to-mmph!" he was stopped by a pair of lips pressed roughly over his. The move was so sudden that he was sent backwards on the bed.

He wasn't complaining anymore now. His hands roamed hungrily over Harry's body, tugging at his shirt frantically nearly ripping it apart so he could touch the well toned torso that lay underneath.

"Did you need me that much?" Harry grinned, sucking hard on Draco's neck, getting moans of pleasure out of him.

"You have-_oooh!_ No idea you bastard," he finally got the Gryffindor's shirt off, his hands traveled up and down the beautifully toned muscles, he kept brushing his hands past the boys' hard nipples, having the urge to suck them hard and get Harry to cry out like he always made him.

But, unfortunately, he didn't do so because was too busy enjoying the way Harry was sucking his neck.

The Boy Wonder pulled open Draco's shirt, his kisses trailing down further.

The blond arched his back and held the boy tightly. "Oh gods!" he gasped out. The raven head had sucked on a nipple while also rubbing himself hard against Draco. The movement made their body temperatures shoot up high, breaking little sweat. "Christ do that that again!"

Harry smirked a smirk that would have made Draco proud if he had looked. He switched to the other neglected nipple and repeated the process. They were both panting and sweating a little more, the tightness in their trousers becoming more painful.

They took off each others pants, mostly because of the pain and also because of the heat that was driving their legs mad.

They kissed again, harder and hungrier; their tongues battled for dominance until they gave up and just lazily massaged each others tongues, their frantic bodies finally calmed down.

Harry slid his hand down to Draco's throbbing member, stroking it slowly yet gripping it hard, the Slytherin Prince groaned under the touch, he dug his hand into the mess of Harry's jet black hair, gripping it as his groans got louder when the Gryffindor stroked faster.

He couldn't hold it in anymore; he came into Harry's hand. "That ended to quickly," Draco pouted, "evil boy, you are."

"We're not done yet," the raven head whispered in his ear.

"What are you-_HELLO!_" Draco arched his back gracefully; he did _not_ expect the finger to enter him.

"I think you must know already," Harry grinned, entering another finger and stretching his lover.

Draco couldn't answer, he was too busy panting and enjoying the intrusion, he fluttered his eyes close in the enjoyment, he got hard again because of it. Harry couldn't help but admire the beauty that lay before him. The Slytherin with his hair all messed around and a bit matted on his head due to sweat, eyes closed, mouth open panting, back arched, freaking beautiful.

He took out his fingers and positioned himself, he wanted to get in his so badly, but he didn't want to hurt him so he went slowly-

"Damnit, Harry! Get it all in-OH!" Draco held him closer, groaning as the raven head started going in and out in a slow rhythm, "Harder, faster," he breathe out. Harry did as he was told and the blond cried out in pleasure, wrapping his legs around the boys' waist.

Their beat became quicker, bodies sweating profusely but not stopping to cool off. Draco gripped Harry's hair tightly, his other hand on the boys' back, his nails practically digging into his skin. He bit his lip, he was gonna come again.

"Harry-!"

"Draco!" They came at the same time, leaving two limp, happy boys snuggling into each other for a nap.

****

**-Last Minute Rambles-**

Colin sat contentedly on Blaise's lap in the common room. "This whole chapter was about romance...so I guess Hermione couldn't make her appearance," the younger one joked.

"Hey! I heard that and for your information I was taking a shower!" shouted Hermione, coming out of her room in a towel as she wrapped another towel on her head, "besides, I'm in a bigger predicament than any of you when it comes to romance."

Blaise and Colin blinked. "She's finally acting...sane," the Slytherin said in shock.

"Don't mention the 'G' word," Colin whispered.

"I mean I have to make a choice between Ron and Sevvy," she turned back to her room.

"But...Ron's with Pansy," Colin frowned.

"Oh there could always be a threesome," Hermione said, securing the towel around her, "the author just needs to think about it, don't you Wp!"

Without permission jumped awake on the sofa opposite Colin and Blaise. "Wha?"

"The threesome, you're thinking on it right?"

"Hm? Oh, right, yeah (yawn) I'm thinking on it. Oh, soz, Colin, Blaise, me and my deflated brain forgot to stick you in the chappy since you're romantically involved," she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"That's ok, at least we're in the last minute ramble," Blaise said cheerfully.

"Why couldn'r you stick me in the chappy, Wp?" Hermione glared.

"Because Ron was busy and so was Sev, besides, you were taking a showa," she stretched and crossed her legs Indian style on the sofa.

"Oh right...I'd better get ready, I told Sevvy I'd give him a haircut," Hermione dashed back to her room, tripping on her way which caused the towel to slip a little.

"...Well then, I guess that's the end of this chappy, we apologize if it was too short!" Colin snuggled into Blaises embrace.

"Please review and thanks for reading!" Blaise said cheerfully. Without permission fell back to sleep again, "and just for the record, the mysterious killers will show up in the next chappy along with the making of the bar Harry and Draco are planning on making!"


	9. The Making of The Bar

Disclaimer: (picks nose) Uhhhhh I don't own Harry Potter...if I did there'd be no hetero pairing standing!!! (laughs evilly)

THANKS MUCHO FOR THE REVIEWS!

**Heart and Soul**: lol I explained at the bottom, it's a ramble when I forget to say something up here...so yeah...it's not a part of the story, more like, commenting on the story

**DemonRogue13**: lol THANK YOU!

**Lyla Hayden**: STARBURSTS!!! (grabs a bunch) come to me my cherry flavored starburst! lol I'm a cherry freak, and I hope I get another H/D shag scene like that in the next chappy lol

**xXxIce.PrincessxXx**: lolness hee there's anuda last minute ramble in this chappy, I think I should do that for the rest of the chappys, it's fun (anime/chibi smile)

**Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares**: lol yep she comes up in this chappy in fact, I messed up and made her sound cool instead of nerdy though, oops lol enjoy!

**sexAy-iranian23**: lol here's the new chappy! enjoy!

**Psi**: lol thank ya!

**CrazyLake42**: ack! skool (cries) I'd rather stay home and write! or draw lol

**LaraBlack**: LMAO!!! The ending of your review made me laugh until tears came out! LMAO!!! Uh, abilities for the others, I haven't quite decided, but you'll find out in the next chappy when they train YIPPEE! lol You want to be in the last minute rambles? Okeedoky lol (anime smile) thing is (sweatdrops) I forgot for this one so you'll be in it in the next chappy!

**Yana5**: lol yuppers lol thanks for reviewing!

**Ryan's-heart's-desire**: thank you! (hugs back)

**Inylan**: lol I never saw the movie, though I could probably get H/D to dance on the bartop (smirks at innocently cuddling couple) heheheeeeeh lol

**RootbeerFloat**: YAY ANUDA LONG REVIEW! (dances)lol aw, that sux about the computer T.T I'm in the tenth grade too!! WOO!! (high five) lol YAY the sex scene was good! (dances happily) wow you compared me with Stephen King!? (gawks and blushes modestly) BIG OL' BEAR HUG TO YEH! Wow, lucky you for getting extra time on the computer! (big ol' smile) Scary movies? I'm too scared to watch them, probably maybe a suspense but that's as close as I can get (sweatdrop) pretty weird since some stuff here's horror lol you sounded hyper in this review! THANKS FOR REVIEWING MWAH!

**Shui-Wing0**: lol, it sounds like an attempt at being giddy lol here's the new chappy!

**Chang Wumei**: lol interesting math equation there lol. I made Salazar pregnant...well...no idea why really, I just did it at random to see the results from the readers XD lol

**Morwen and the little one**: lol glad you guys liked it! (chibi smile) wow that was a short answer...I WANT SUM CHOCOLATE TOO! lol

**Dru Black**: yummy raisins! The wrinkled version of prunes! lol ok that was weird, GLAD YOU LIKE IT! (bear hug) WOO!

I just noticed that when five or something days come I'm like FUCK I NEED TO UPDATE NOW!!! Ok that was a weird ramble lol READ ON TO DE FIC!

* * *

Chapter Nine: The Making of The Bar

* * *

The next day everyone woke up running around for their shoes, skirts, pants, thongs, brushes, everything, because they were running late for Honeydukes, their wizarding version of the coffee shop in Friends...yeah...

"Has anyone seen my black stockings?" Ginny asked, walking around into different rooms.

"Try your drawers!" Colin yelled from his room.

"Oh right! Duh!" she ran off back to her room.

"Harry that's my thong! Give it!"

"You never wear it!"

"Well I plan to where it when we're making babies now give," Draco snatched his leather thong back and continued to search the bedroom for his left shoe while his boyfriend sulked.

Crookshanks watched as the teens raced around the tower finding what they were looking for in odd areas.

Hermione snatched her brush. "What's my brush doing up your anus!?"

"Hey I was bored, and I wanted to experiment, besides, it's not like you even use it," Blaise said, backing away from the fuming girl.

"Why I oughta-"

"Gumballs!"

"Where!?" she looked like a maniac again and started looking for her devoted gumballs.

"GET OFF ME YOU WENCH!" Ginny yelled, bonking the girl on the head, she got off and Ginny went to the bathroom, caressing her sore boob.

Suddenly someone started playing some jazzy dance music that must have come from the forties.

"Who's playing my grandma's music?" Colin looked around.

"That's me!" Pansy waved from the door, trying to hide her half dressed form, "I like this music," she made to close the door but Ron zoomed in after her.

"LET ME HELP YOU GET DRESSED!" he yelled.

While everyone was still getting ready, Crookshanks sat on the coffee table in the common room, listening to the music that Pansy had put on. The fat cat had to admit, the music was pretty good, his tail began to swish.

The music started to come in with more beats, the flaming cats bum starting to move to the beat. Then like the dancing WB frog from the old cartoons, Crookshanks stood on it's hind legs and started dancing like an actual human. Of course when someone passed by he quickly went back to sitting, then dancing again when they disappeared.

"Colin, have you seen my tie?" Blaise asked, shuffling around his drawers.

"You look better with out it," his boyfriend answered, quickly hiding the tie under the bed.

"Really?" he looked at the life size mirror, "I feel so naked!"

"...You are naked..."

"Oh..."

* * *

"They're turning it into a restaurant?" gawked Mr. Huneydukes, his wife nodded.

"They've already got cooks, we'll have to make room for the bar, they're coming in a few hours," she pulled out her wand, her husband sighed and laughed lightly, "what's funny?"

"Are the waiters and waitresses going to wear strange uniforms?"

"Hopefully not, they said it'll have Honeydukes written on them," she waved her wand and a whole shelf scooted aside, "it better not be something too frilly or shows too much skin."

"I vote for the second choice!" he received a slap, "OW!"

"Just help me make room," she sighed and returned to the shelves.

* * *

"Get me out of this fucking place I am in NO way participating in this anymore!" Cho yelled to the mirror.

"Oh god, not HIM again," sighed her boss, "who did he kill?"

"Smith and some Slytherin guy," she answered quickly.

"He's starting small, soon he'll get to Potter and his friends, we have to beat him at it!" he made a fist then gave a high pitched scream, "oh no! My nail polish! Darling could you fix this please?" he turned to the young lady who nodded and starting doing his nails.

"Well what should I do!? If I stay here I'll be dead for sure!" she bit her nails and looked around nervously only to scream at her reflection in the mirror.

"Calm down, just stay away from him," he chuckled, "who else would wear such a tacky cloak like that?"

* * *

Mr. Creepy Killer growled angrily as he picked up what his rival said through an extendable ear. Oh he wasn't going to let his rival insult him like this, _ooooh_ no; he was SO not going to get stepped on like this.

In his anger he flung his beloved ax and hit someone square in the stomach.

The polite victim pulled out the ax, walked over to the killer and tapped him on the shoulder. "Here you go, sir," she handed him the ax; a second later she dropped dead.

"..." At a loss for words Mr. Killer shrugged and walked off, cleaning his ax and humming to a tune.

* * *

"Weeee're baaaaack!" Draco shouted, bursting through the door with everyone else behind him.

"Harry! Draco!" Mrs. Honeydukes hugged both boys tightly, "I've missed you so much!"

"What she means is, she misses you both giving shows almost every Sunday," Mr. Honeydukes crossed his arms and his wife blushed brilliantly.

"Hank!" she glared.

"Uh...we'll just get building then," Harry said, pulling out his wand, not wanting his bosses to argue over something...uh...silly. Everyone else had their wands out and walked over to the big ass space next to the cash register.

"Maybe we should turn this into a hotel or something," Draco said, looking around the store.

"Uh, the restaurant/bar is fine for now," Mrs. Honeydukes sweatdropped.

"But what if the customers get too drunk or something-"

"That's enough, Draco," Harry said, pulling the blond to the work spot by the ear.

"Ow! Ow! Pain! Abuse!"

-The Making-

"What type of drinks should we have?" Ginny asked, holding up a clipboard.

"Fire Whiskey (spelling?)!" Ron yelled at once, waving his wand and almost getting the wood to build itself in to a table.

"Ok...anything else?" she looked around the working teens.

"I dunno," shrugged Pansy, waving her wand and getting the wood to build into a chair, "buy a whole bunch at the store, ask for the best though," she winked.

Harry and Draco combined their powers and built a perfectly curved and attractive bar with engravings of vines on the edges. They grinned at each other and hopped onto the bar, you know...to test its sturdiness.

"Strippers!" Ginny yelled, magiking herself some popcorn, "take it off!" she chanted.

"What if you slip?" the slightly sane Hermione asked, examining the surface/stage, "it seems fine..." she took a few steps back and went on a run, she jumped on to the bar, only she couldn't stop, "WLAAAAAA!!!" she screamed when she slid/flew off the bar and crashed on the wall, she slid down, "ouch..." she gave a thumbs up, "it's good!"

After a silence of odd staring everyone went back to work. Except Harry and Draco...

"Hmm..." Colin looked at the room at the back and saw it was an old rundown kitchen, "well...it's a kitchen...BLAISEY-POO COME OVAR HERE!" he yelled, stepping inside and waving his wand around so that the kitchen became a bit cleaner.

"You found the secret room for sex?" Blaise asked, stepping inside, "oh, it's just a kitchen."

"Probably the only kitchen," Colin sighed, still cleaning the kitchen.

"This is taking too long," Blaise made a powerful wave of his wand and said a spell. In seconds the kitchen looked brand new, with better flooring, clean walls, the best stoves and sinks, and a set of new cooking tools.

"How did you do that?" Colin asked, looking round in awe.

"Simple spell," his boyfriend shrugged, "it makes everything brand new and better," he put away his wand.

"You've earned yourself sex tonight."

"ALRIGHT!!!" he punched the air happily.

"Uuugh..." Hermione finally stood up, rubbing her forehead in pain. Most of the table and chairs were done but Ron and Pansy were still making more. Ginny was making a shelf to put in the bottles of wine, liquor, stuff like that. Harry and Draco were still a little busy on the bar.

They lay naked and shagging, ignoring everyone around them. Harry held Draco, panted quickly while the blonde kept with his quick and hard beat. "OOOOH! GODS DRACO!" the raven head gasped out, digging his hand in the blonde locks.

The Slytherin sucked and licked his lovers' neck, his hands caressing his hard nipples; he grinned when Harry groaned in reply.

Hermione grabbed a jar of gumballs, sat in a chair and watched as they kept on going, soon enough, Ginny joined as well as Pansy, and oddly, Ron.

"Wow...they're freakin' amazing," he commented, grabbing some of Ginny's popcorn,

"Well, they shag a lot they _should_ be amazing," his sister answered back, "I wonder if they'd consider a threesome."

"Probably," Pansy shrugged, "this story's wacky enough for that to happen."

Draco traveled a hand up Harry's thigh, always amazed at how smooth it was. They both came and left a mess on the bar.

"I am NOT cleaning that up!" Ron yelled. His voice startled the couple and they fell of the bar.

The door opened and someone stepped inside. "Mum! Dad!" she said, walking over and hugged Mr. and Mrs. Honeydukes, "how are you guys?"

"Mum? Dad?" The group watched as a girl with purple hair talked with her parents. She wore clothes that imitated a school uniform except they were artfully ripped, the stockings were dark red with a symbol of a clothing company on the sides, and she had on combat boots.

"I didn't know they had a daughter," Harry said, putting his clothes back on.

"And you worked here too, that's a shame," Ginny shook her head, "I like her style though."

Hermione was staring at her for a different reason though, she spotted a bag of gumballs in her hand. "G-G-G-Gu-Gumbaaaaaaalls!!" she dashed over and grabbed the girls' hand.

"Huh? Excuse me!" the girl tried to yank her hand back.

"GUMBALL!" Hermione kept her grip.

"Oh I'm sorry, Zani this is Hermione, she's a bit on the gumball freak side," Mrs. Honeydukes explained, "over there are here friends-"

"Ron, Pansy, Ginny, Harry and Draco...but where's Blaise and Colin?" Zani looked around.

"They're in the kitchen," Mr. Honeydukes answered.

"Oh..." Hermione was still holding her hand and it was starting to freak her out. you like...let go of me?"

"GUMBALL!"

"Right...you want gumball?" she had a plan building up in her head.

"Yes! Me want gumball!"

"Well...these aren't gumballs, they're marbles everybody thinks they're gumballs."

"_Uuuh_ oooh," Ron said slowly.

Hermione visibly paled and she let go of Zani's hand.

3...2...1...

"WHAAAAAT!?" she screamed making the girl in front of her cover her ears, "HOW DARE YOU TRICK ME LIKE THAT!? HOW DARE YOU!?" she started chasing her around the shop.

"Ack! Make her stop!!!" she took out a marble from her bag and threw it to Hermione, it clonked her on the head but thanks to her bushy hair it bounced off. "HOLY _SHIIIT!!!!_" she jumped on a table and made to jump on the other one but the table started tilting her forward and send her back to the floor.

"YAAAA-OMPH!"

Zani looked back and saw that one of the legs on the table hit Hermione from under the chin, she fell on a chair, it fell backwards and she was temporarily knocked out.

There was a pause...

"WAY TO GO ZANI!" Draco cheered, clapping happily at what just happened.

The purple haired girl blushed in embarrassment.

-Last Minute Rambles-

"Well, you've seen the making of the bar...too bad there wasn't enough of me and Draco...Wp! This is supposed to be a fic on us!" Harry yelled at the sleeping authoress.

"Hm..." she sat up from her bed groggily, "what are you guys doing in my room?" she rubbed her eyes tiredly.

"This is the location for the last minute rambles genius," Draco said, flopping on the bed and making himself comfortable.

"Oh...oh right! Welcome readers! To the last minute rambles!"

"A little late for that, this bed is comfy, Harry lie down," Draco smirked seductively and Harry gave in, he lied down next to him.

"Yeah it is comfy," he make himself comfy too and sighed.

"Ok, the reason for these last minute rambles is to say whatever Wp forgot to say at the beginning so," Draco turned to Without permission who fell asleep again, "somebody get this girl some coffee," he sighed.

"Oh Wp," Harry said innocently, "if you stay awake you'll get to see Draco and me _shaaaaagging_."

"I am awake!" Without permission sat up, opening her eyes wide in an attempt to keep awake.

"Good, now tell the readers what you needed to tell them," Draco said, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh right," she clapped her hands, "people! Ok since you guys are asking me to do this pairing and that pairing I have decided to do them ALL including that threesome (anime smile)! It'll be a bit difficult and they won't be serious...well...Pansy/Ron will stay serious but they'll be with other people yet still stay together, if you get what I'm saying. Oh, don't ask for Harry and Draco to be with other people, this fics on them so they're stuck together."

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing," Harry pouted.

"Heehee, soz, anything else I was supposed to say?"

"Yeah!" Hermione burst in the room, her chin bandaged with a big Band-Aid, "what the fuck made you make me become the accident freak!? That's Draco's job!"

"Hey!"

"Well I thought it'd be weirdly funny, besides, you never get hurt, I think, so I decided it was time you did," Without permission shrugged.

Hermione stormed out of the room muttering something about stupid writer.

"Kay, now that I said what I said, shag you two-eh?"

Draco and Harry fell asleep, snuggling into each other like the cute bastards they are.

"Awww....heehee, oh well, leave a review please!" (falls back to sleep).


	10. SUPAR HEROES!

Disclaimer: (cries) I don't own Harry Potter!!! WAAAAA!!!

Thanks for the Reviews!!!

**xXxIce.PrincessxXx**: lol thank you! (bear hug) and your welcome, tis fun being beta (big smile and anuda bear hug)

**Nichole08**: thank you! (bear hug) lol I'll have to add that Draco in a leather thong in the next chappy, thanks!

**Yana5**: lol thanks!

**Lyla Hayden**: CHERRIES! (grabs some and munches on them) yummers (goofy face) lol here's the update!

**sexAy-iranian23**: lol I'll make sure to have some sort of camera (starry face) lol

**Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares**: yay! You liked it! (big bear hug!) lol I'll try to email yeh!

**Shui-Wing0**: lol I hope you don't use that whip on me (sweatdrop) here's da new chappy! (big smile) lol

**Inylan**: (blushes in embarrassment) thank you! (bear hug) lol I just liked the part where Hermione kept getting hurt heehee XD

**DemonRogue13**: lol thank ya!!!

**black-ravenrose**: thank you! (big ol' bear hug) T.T (sniff) lol me happy

**LaraBlack**: LMAO!!! again! XD Kay I got yeh in the last minute rambles lol But I didn't know what type of character/personality you wanted to be (sweatdropped) so It was all made up (anuda sweatdop) hope I got it right, and yes that was a hufflepuff that got killed XD lol you said you wanted to be there when the bar opens? What type of character do you wanna be? Hope this is allowed in or I'm screwed (big sweat drop) any way (big bear hug) enjoy the chappy!

**kannah**: I'll try to make the scenes longa!

**RootbeerFloat**: (returns bear hug and has a big smile) happy that you liked it! I had a lot of fun writing that last chappy (not to mention I also felt random lol), hope you like this chappy!

**zoomaphonethepirate**: T.T THANK YOU!! (bear hug) lol I'm hugging everybody

**CrazyLake42**: lol hope you like this chappy!

* * *

Chapter Ten: SUPAR HEROES!!!

* * *

A few days passed and our main people have yet to open their bar because of some...glitches they still need to work out...

"Harry! Draco! I thought you came here to practice not shag!" fumed Colin, a wooden cooking spoon in his hand.

"Relax, enjoy it," Ginny said, munching on some popcorn.

So as you people can see, Honeydukes Bar ain't gonna open for another week...but right now our main dudes and dudettes have come upon the day when they have to train and realize what their powers are...

(wooshing sound and some corny super hero jingle in the background)

The alarm clock buzzed causing Harry to jerk awake and fall off the bed, slamming on the floor like a pancake.

"Ugh...pain...ow, tummy," he caressed his poor tummy and stood up. He glared weakly at the still screaming clock and picked up his sneaker, "evil clock," he murmured, swinging his shoe at the clock and sending it to smash on the wall.

Breaking apart, the clock fell on the floor by bits and pieces. Harry hopped back into bed and was about to go back to sleep when the alarm on the clock went off again.

"Goddamnit!" he ran over to the smashed but still working clock, picked it up, opened the door and threw it out, not noticing that it bonked Hermione in the head, sending her backwards and flipping over the sofa in the common room, "serves that clock right, jeeze..." he yawned and went back to sleep, turning to cuddle with Draco only to realize that he wasn't there. "Eh?" he looked around and finally heard the sound of the showers being turned off.

__

_"And the music keeps on playin' on and on!"_ Draco's muffled voice sang from the bathroom, _"on and on!"_

Harry watched in blank shock as his boyfriend continued to sing to the muggle song. 'When the hell did he sing or hear from a _muggle_ song?'

_"On and on!"_ Draco continued singing, then the most extraordinary thing happen. He jumped out of the bathroom, but the door was closed so he ended up walking _through_ the door like a ghost! _"And_-HOLY SHIT!" he looked at himself then at the door, "what the-how-oh lord," he fainted.

It took Harry a little longer to achieve what had just happened and when he got it... "Damnit why did you have to wear a towel!...Draco? Yuuhuu!"

-

__

_BRRRP!_

"Oh hell no," Colin shook his head and got out of the bed, "you did NOT just fart!"

"It's not my fault," Blaise pouted, "it was that messed up Friday Surprise you cooked up, what the hell was in it?"

"I need some Lysol," Colin put his hand over his nose and mouth before pulling out a big tin can of Lysol from desk drawer, "for your information it was cheese, beans, chili, and some brown stuff I found at the store...I forgot what it was called..."

"Oh, here's comes the big one!" Blaise shut his eyes tightly and stiffened as he let it _aaaall_ out, "whew!" he sniffed the air and passed out.

"That better not be your power," Colin muttered, still spraying the fart contaminated area.

-

Pansy smiled into her pillow as she dreamt a nice wet dream of Ron caressing her in certain sensitive spots, sending her over the edge and moan softly.

Of course...she didn't realize that it really WAS happening...neither did Ron. Oddly.

The redhead lay cuddled next to Pansy, dreaming the same dream. It wasn't until they let out loud moans that they finally woke up.

They shot they're eyes open and just stared at each other, waiting to see who would move away first, which didn't happen seeing as they were quite comfy with where they were.

"Ron..." Pansy breathed out softly.

"Hm?"

She smiled at his blushing face and braved herself to cuddle into his arms. 'YAY!'

"Yay?" he blinked.

"What?" she looked up at him.

"You said 'yay'."

'Oh shit...'

"And you said 'oh shit' without moving your lips...hey teach me how to do that!"

All Pansy could do was stare. Even she couldn't pass how dumb Ron was acting now.

-

Ginny walked out of her room brushing her teeth like she usually did every morning. This time she decided to brush her teeth in the living room while reading a few articles in Witch Weekly.

"Uh?" she looked down at Hermione's unconscious form in the middle of the common room, "aw fuc'," she said through the toothpaste in her mouth.

She trudged back to the bathroom, finished brushing her teeth quickly, then came back to the common only to find that Crookshanks had his head under Hermione's skirt doing who knows what...

"Oh that is just so fucking disgusting! Crookshanks! Shoo!" she waved her hands for emphasis (wrong word?). With a large screech, Crookshanks went flying to the couch, Hermione's panties clutched tightly in his teeth.

Ginny gawked at her hand then at the growling cat. Did she just do that? There was a long pause as she still gawked at what just happened. Then she remembered about the letter, shrugged and went back to her room, planning to get dressed for the day.

-

Snape looked at the mirror, admiring the new haircut Hermione had given him, how his hair looked you ask? Well imagine it the way you would like it (eh...to be fair...).

Remus walked in the office and whistled at Snape. "_Niiice_ hairdo Sevvie, who's the hairstylist?"

"Granger, she has a way with scissors, obviously," Snape said airily but grinning at the same time as he flipped his hair around for different style ideas.

"Gumball Addict?" Remus raised an eyebrow, he sat down as the other man nodded, "she should do my hair sometime, this gray hair's beginning to make me feel like an old man," he blew away at some stranded hairs going over his eyes.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-" he stopped when Snape raised an eyebrow at him, "thirty-seven..." he grumbled grumpily.

"Oh that's _sooo_ old," the Potions professor said sarcastically. He started making poses at the mirror, flipping his head this way and that to see how well his hair billowed like his robes.

A knock on the door caused them to tell the other to get the door.

"I'm not your servant," Remus glared, "more like a guest, you're the host, you get the door."

"Sex after whoever the person is leaves."

"I'll go get the door!" Remus said over-politely, he walked to the door and opened it, "yes?" he looked at the person, paled and slammed the door closed.

"...That was rude...I'm highly impressed," Snape smirked, "well," he clapped, "lets get to the shiggy-shaggy," he made his way to his bedroom but Remus stayed put.

"It's the killer!" he breathed out loudly. Snape turned to him confused, "the killer!" he mouthed, pointing to the door, biting his fingernails.

"Hm! Killer my sexy ass," he said gruffly, he stepped in his closet and closed the door.

A series of metallic sounds emitted from inside the closet before Snape finally stepped out, dressed like a soldier with two machine guns in his hands, and two bullet belts criss-crossing his chest in the form of an X. He put on a round helmet that said Sexay on the front before putting up a tough face readying himself with his beloved guns.

"Time to get busy," he said in a low and tough voice that caused Remus to get hard. Snape nodded for him to open the door which the werewolf did, "alright murderer, you're-" he looked back at the cowering Remus dully.

"What, is he gone?" Remus took a peek, "oh no he's still there!"

"Remmie," Snape put a hand on his hip, "it's just Filch for gods sake!"

"I'm not a murderer!" said man said indignantly.

Remus looked at him again. "...Oh sorry...you look like him!"

"How could I look like him when he has a friggin' cloak that covers his face!?"

"How did you know that?" Snape held up his guns again, looking at the squibb suspiciously.

"Professor Chang told me," he shrank away from the guns.

"Pro-oh right, that bitch," he said offhandedly, "Professor Chang? I'd rather call her Toad Food, or something more appropriate."

"Why are you here, Filch?" Remus asked, still not coming out from hiding behind the door, only because he didn't want the guy to see his bulge.

"Got news from Dumbledore, he would've sent Professor McGonagall but she's busy with her class. Anyway, he says it's time for Potter and his friends training, something about them already showing their powers."

"Oh, well, thank you," Snape closed the door in his face and faced Remus, raising an eyebrow at the noticeable boner, "aww you got an erection, would you like Uncle Sevvie poo to take care of it?" he cooed.

"Yes please," the man answered indifferently and quickly, hunger in his eyes.

"Well, let's take a trip back to my bedroom then," he threw his guns back in the closed and lifted Remus off his feet, "after that, it's training with the horny teens."

"Yay!"

-

After everyone was changed, conscious, and in the common room, they sat in silence, trying to figure out what to do with these powers.

"Does that mean that we don't get to have sex?" Draco asked worriedly, "I mean, my power's phantasm so...ah! Oh no! My sex life's ruined!" he nearly jumped on his seat.

"Calm down," Harry wrapped an arm around him, "see? My arm's not going through you, so maybe it's an emotion that triggers it."

At this, Draco visibly calmed down, "ok," he nodded, he looked so worried and vulnerable you could have sworn he would have sucked his thumb right then and there.

"What was you're power Blaise?" Ginny asked, amusing herself as she levitated a few quills in the air.

Blaise sighed happily and looked down at Colin's lap, "X-ray vision," he said dreamily. Noticing at what the Slytherin was staring at; Colin blushed brilliantly but didn't make a move to hide away. Actually he made himself more comfortable, purposely making Blaise see more.

"...Ok..." Ginny grabbed a pillow and hugged it over her chest, "Colin? What about you?"

"Huh?" he looked away to the Weaslette, "oh, um...what was it?" he tapped his chin in thought, "oh, it was some fire thing..." he raised his hand to level up to his face and frowned in concentration. A tiny red flame appeared before vanishing, "I suck," he sighed.

"We're gonna be training so you'll get better," Ron finally spoke. At the time through the whole conversation he was busy nosing through Pansy's thoughts for...certain reasons...and he was happy to see that she felt the same way. Plus he enjoyed the daydreams she was going through. Heheh,

"And you guys?" Ginny looked at his brother and his soon to be girlfriend.

"Hallucination," Pansy scrunched her nose in disgust, "I wanted something like yours, Gin."

"Too bad," she grinned before looking at Ron.

"Mind Reading-"

"Me too!"

"Wha? No mama fucking fair you get two powers!" he nearly stomped his foot, "that's is _sooo _not right!"

"Actually, three, but you guys all have it so yeah...it's two," she blushed in embarrassment.

"The speed thing?" Harry asked, he received a nod, "well...at least I have super strength. Heh, that could come in handy," he grinned slyly at Draco who, shockingly, blushed hard.

"Does anyone care about MY power?" Hermione said angrily, smacking on her gum, everyone faced her.

"Go ahead..." Ginny said dully.

"Shape Shifter," she said proudly, blowing on her bubble gum.

"Shape shif..." everyone stared at her and started complaining about how the craziest of the group got the best power.

"That's not fair!" Pansy complained like a three year old, "I get the lamest power!"

"Oh somebody hold me back!" Harry stood up, "before I whip 'Mione's freaky ass!" he clenched his fists. Draco quickly grabbed him but since Harry had super strength, the blond was pretty much hanging onto him, dangling too.

Before any bruising or blood shed could happen, the door opened and Snape and Remus walked in. "Alright knock it off you horny bastards!" Snape yelled. Harry froze causing the swishing Draco to fall with a resounding thud, "you're training begins today, I'm sure you're all beginning to use your powers?"

"Yep!" Everyone turned and saw two Pansy's sitting on either side of Ron, one was cuddling him, giggling a little.

The original Pansy's jaw dropped. "WHORE!" she punched the fake Pansy away, quickly forming back to Hermione.

"Well you weren't doing anything," she crossed her arms. At this, Pansy blushed.

"...Ok...I feel thoroughly molested," Ron said as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"If you're all done with touching each other in the yummies then would you follow me to the training grounds please?" Snape asked lazily. After that, the mindless and horny youth followed their hated and favorite teachers out of the tower.

-

"No way, nuh-uh! In you're fucking wet dreams!" Ron said, taking a few steps back, "don't make me go back to that bitch!"

"Oh dear," Trelawney said devastatingly, "I can see a dark aura around him, only filled with lust and anger."

Ron looked at Snape and Remus desperately. "She's kidding right?" he said, taking another step back from the former divination teachers' advancements, "oh come on please!" he grabbed Remus by the legs, "don't make me go with her! She's crazy! Cookoo!"

"Weasley either you let go of Lupins leg or you'll be going to the centaurs for your training," Snape threatened.

"Will they kill me?" he muttered, standing up.

"Most likely."

"Hey! Trelawney!" he turned back to the crazy woman, "have I mentioned how long it's been since you teached me?" he wrapped a friendly (fake) arm around the woman's shoulders as they both walked over to the north tower, Pansy followed behind, glaring at the woman who was chatting mindlessly to her red haired angel.

"Now," McGonagall turned to Hermione, "you come with me for your transfiguration training." Whiningly, Hermione followed, complaining that she wasn't with Ron.

"I mean," she said, "we're supposed to be together! There's fandoms on our love, our creator made us that way, Wp! YOU'D BETTER GET US TOGETHER!"

"Hush! That's not in the script!" McGonagall hissed. Hermione continued grumbling.

The remaining heroes looked back at Snape and Remus who were looking through a list.

"Lets see, since your powers are more on the physical side, follow me-us!" Snape corrected himself, seeing the glare Remus was giving him.

As they walked out of the castle Draco couldn't help but feel something different from his favorite professor.

"Harry?" he whispered.

"What?"

"Did Sev get a haircut or something?" he kept looking at Snape who had fallen into a conversation with Remus.

"Yeah," Harry shrugged, "Hermione gave it to him."

"Really now, she's quite good...for a gumball freak..."

"Yeppers!" he said cheerfully getting a weird look from his boyfriend.

"Right...Professor Snape, I LOVE that new hairdo!"

"Why shouldn't you?" Snape said, flipping his hair a little, "it's positively grand!"

"Git," Colin muttered, getting a chuckle from Blaise, "where are you taking us sir-uh sirs?"

"The forbidden forest," Lupin answered happily.

"Oh," they continued walking until they realized what they said, "WHAT!?"

-Last Minute Rambles-

"The forbidden forest," Ginny tisked, "Snape and Lupin are crazy," she shook her head.

"I'm surprised you didn't say 'mental'," said Without permission, sipping on some coffee with milk.

"That's my brothers language," she made a face, crossing her legs on the bed, Indian style, "so now what did you need to tell the readers Wp?"

"Oh right," she set down her mug, "dudes, dudettes, and others," she clapped, "soz if the plot's starting to get foggy but it'll get clearer later on! Second thing is that the pairings will get their business on soon. If you still have questions, keep 'em coming as well as a bit of requests," she sweatdropped, "I'm getting a bit of writers block so any suggestions on pairings or other things would very much be appreciated!"

"I would also appreciate it if you got her a brain!" Ginny piped in, getting a glare from Without permission, "what? You're back at school; you need all the help you can get, especially for science, geometry, physiology..."

"Physiology especially, that class is for seniors only, I just don't get why they mixed it in with sophomores," she sniffed.

The door burst open and in rushed Harry and Draco making out and throwing themselves on the authors bed, almost hitting Ginny.

"Woohoohoohoooo!" Without permission rushed to her phone and dialed a number, "hello? Yes they're shagging, bring your video camera! Kay bye!" she hung up and watched with Ginny, eating popcorn.

A few seconds later Lara Black burst in with a video camera, filming as the couple started undressing themselves, planning to shag the living daylights out of each other.

"Hey Wp!" she gave Without permission a high five and sat on the other side of Ginny, munching on some popcorn as well, "how long were they at it?"

"Just a few seconds ago...you came really fast," Wp sweatdropped.

"I didn't wanna miss the show!" she continued filming, getting close shots of some (ahem, blushes) parts...

"I forgot to bring my camera," Ginny pouted.

"If they ever break up, and they better not! Then I will use this to either blackmail them or get them back together!" Lara said kinda maniacally.

"Dear gods Draco," Harry breathed in his boyfriends ear, falling into beat with him as he wrapped his legs around his waist, "harder!"

The blond complied and thrusted harder, going deeper. Harry cried out in pleasure, arching his back in such grace that made Draco proud, he leaned down and kissed the raven head's neck, sucking lightly on the sensitive spots which got Harry to moan and groan.

"Man I can't believe I'm getting this on film!" Lara squealed happily, moving cautiously around the bed to get better shots.

Wp, while still munching on her popcorn, took out her camera and took a few shots of the shagging couple. "Heheh, these would make some _very_ _nice_ av's..." she fell into a fit of giggles and took close up pictures.

The couple, of course, didn't mind this at all. They WERE porn stars after all.

"Ginny, if you please?" Wp said, still taking pictures.

"Hm? Oh! Re'iew plea'! Or el' I'll go all ku'-fu on you!" the redhead said with her mouth stuffed with popcorn.

"You know kun-fu?" Lara looked at Ginny blankly.

She swallowed, "of course, I'm s'posed to be the tough but shag watching bitch in this fic."


	11. Training

Disclaimer: ACHOO! (sniff) I dun own Harry Potter ACHOOO!!!!

Thanks for the reviews people!

**xXxIce.PrincessxXx**: lol (sweatdrop) this one came in late too, it's just that I've been getting a lot of ideas for future fics but I need to finish this one first XP

**Shui-Wing0**: lol yep, 'Mione's a weird lil sack of...something XD

**Yana5**: probaby XD they wouldn't care though, they were too into each other at the moment lol

**DemonRogue13**: thank you!

**Ryan's-heart's-desire**: yay for the sophomores! (punches air. Air:...ouch...) yeah I need to add more H/Dness

**Dru Black**: lol

**zoomaphonethepirate**: Mystery men? cool! dunno it though (sweatdrop)

**LylaHayden**: BROWNIES! (grabs some and stuffs it in her mouth)...I ate it quickly...T.T

**Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares**: lol ok, I'll try the Hr/Z thing XD the old flashlight in my head sparked a bit lol I totally forgot about Nevilly-Poo! O.O thanks for reminding me! 8D

**LaraBlack**: LOL! XD ok works for me, the next chappy's gonna be a blast! Physiology turned out to be interesting, I actually feel smart in that class O.O and that's saying something lol. THANKS FOR THE LONG REVIEW HUN! (big bear hug)

**Inylan**: this chappy ain't that great, I have a better idea for the next one though, lots of steaminess from all pairing's! (gawk)

**fish057**: this one's pretty lame, just the aftermath of the last chappy, hopefully the next one's better! 8D

**RootbeerFloat**: JKR? (puts on a blond wig) Yes I am (police start chasing her) OK I'M NOT! I'M JUST A PERUVION SILLY GIRL! lol anyway, this one's a dull chappy but the next one should be better! The plot gets more clearer (thank god!) bear hug to yeh!

**lynnie**: lol soz for the delay, writers block. anyway, here's the update (finally) enjoy!

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Training

* * *

"Now," Trelawney said, "take deep breathes, clear your minds from everything."

"Guess that means out with the perverseness," Ron said sadly.

"Concentrate only on your powers...clear your mind...inhale," she took a deep breath, "exhale," she breathed out, "let it all go...release the stress-"

BRRRP!

Ron and Pansy glanced at each other before conjuring up some Lysol and spraying it all over the oblivious teacher.

-

"Alright Miss. Granger, show me what you've got," McGonagall said.

Sighing, Hermione transfigured into Pansy easily. "Happy?"

"Not really," the Transfiguration teacher said dully, "You didn't transfigure your clothes."

"Eh?" she looked at her uniform; it was still Gryffindor, "I thought I couldn't transfigure clothes!"

"Animagi and Shape Shifters-"

"Aren't that different at all, both require a transfiguration of the clothes," Hermione said lazily, "do you honestly think I wouldn't know? I'm Hermione Granger_, hellooo!_"

"Well if you knew that then why did you even think you couldn't change your clothes?"

"It slipped my mind ok? Whatever just teach me this change clothes thing so I can get to my Ronnikin's!"

"Bitch," McGonagall muttered.

"Do you have a gumball?"

-

The small group walked in the forbidden forest, going deep enough to be in at least mild danger.

"Why must we train here?" Colin asked, standing close to Blaise.

"Training involves fighting and you're the defense army so you need to learn how to survive things like this," Snape said in a quick slightly confusing manner.

"And if we don't survive?" Harry asked.

"Then that's one less idiot to come to my class."

"You bloody heartless son of a mother fucking bitch!" everyone gaped at the raven head, "what?"

"Right then," Remus said, getting everyone back to the task at hand, "what you five need to do is to protect each other from an army of giant spiders, compliments to Aragog, on three."

"Giant spiders?" Blaise squeaked.

"You're joking...right?" Ginny said slowly.

"One."

"Aragog?" Harry trembled.

"Two."

"An army?" Draco raised an eyebrow.

"Three!"

"SHIT!" they all yelled before climbing up a tree.

Nothing happened.

"Snape! You bloody bastard!" Draco yelled, "why the _blinking_ fuck did you scare us like that!?" No answer, "Sev?" he looked around from his position on the branch, "Mr. Werewolf?"

"Draco...listen," Harry said, grabbing his hand to hush him. The blond silenced.

There was the sound of pincers, a number of 'something' coming their way, a big number.

"Oh...bloody...hell..." Colin managed to say when he saw shadows of spiders heading towards them. They were so pact that it looked like a black nothing eating up the ground.

"If Ron were here he'd die," Ginny said, pulling out her wand.

"I'm dying right now!" Draco yelled, "I don't want to fight those disgusting spiders! I mean, have they ever heard of a shower?"

"...Draco these spiders can kill us and all your worried about is their hygiene?" his boyfriend said incredulously.

"Death too..." the blond said after about five minutes. Sighing, Harry made to jump off the branch, "don't leave me!"

"Don't worry, love, you're coming with me," he grabbed him by the shirt.

"Wha-WAA!!!" Harry jumped off the branch taking Draco with him.

"Come on Blaise," Colin copied what Harry did.

"But I hate spiders!" Blaise yelled as he was pulled down to the ground, quickly followed by Ginny.

-

The killer in the dark cloak walked down the corridors to the great hall, his stomach screaming for a large plate of fries with a cheeseburger and a large goblet of soda.

"Not so fast," a voice stopped him.

He sighed and turned to the speaker. Cho faced him with what she thought was an angry face. Instead it looked like a face twisted in between pain and fear. Something the killer tried not to laugh at.

"Don't think you're gonna kill them before me, you may be my bosses brother but there is no way in freaking hell you're gonna beat me in this."

"Kill who?" he asked, raising an eyebrow under the shadow of his hood.

"Potter and his friends!" she yelled, throwing her hands up angrily.

"Who says I came to kill them?" he said in a chilling voice that got Cho to shiver, "I just came here to do what I was sent to do."

"What's that?" she mentally punched herself for sounding shaky.

"To kill everyone," he smirked.

-

"TAKE THAT YOU SONS OF ARAGOG'S BITCH!" shouted Harry, punching a spider away from him, the punch was so tremendous that the spider went flying backwards, crashing into a bunch of other spiders.

Draco had his wand pulled out, trying his best not to be too scared as dirty spiders advanced on him. "Stupify! Inflamaray! Avada Kedavra! Crucio! Petrificus Totalus! Um...expelliarmus!"

The spiders in pain paused and looked at each other in confusion before going back to being in pain. Why Draco said 'expelliarmus' was beyond them.

"Bwahahahaa!!" Colin cackled madly, "accio eighth leg! Accio eyeballs! Accio hearts!" he yelled gleefully, pointing his wand to a few unlucky spiders.

Blaise paled as his boyfriend continued doing what he was doing. "Colin?" he said shakily, "calm down...that's sick!"

"I'm still alive aren't I?"

"Yeah but...ugh! Gross just...blegh!"

"Watch out!"

Blaise turned and faced a charging spider. "YAA!" he punched it so quickly and sharply that his fist went right through the spider.

"Way to go Blaise!" Colin said, jumping on a dead spider while swishing his wand around as well as a spiders leg.

Draco's eye twitched when he watched what the couple did. He made a mental note that when he went back to the castle, he'd take a strong potion of memory draught.

Shaking his head he turned and gasped when a spider came flying at him. His mind went blank in fear and the spider went right through him as if he were a ghost.

'_Wait a minute..._' he looked at himself and then to a tree. With a concentrating face, he made his mind go blank and he got his hand to go through the trunk of the tree.

Quickly pulling it out an idea struck him and he raced through the spiders, tricking them into chasing him only to get them to crashing into one another.

"You can't catch me!" he yelled, sticking his tongue out at them as he ran around making crazy loops to get the spiders to crash into things.

Ginny made herself float over the little war and raised her hands. A bunch of spider floated and hovered before her, twitching and trying to escape.

"Ring around the rosy, a pocket full of posies," Ginny sang happily, getting the floating spiders to spin around in a circle at a fast rate, one could have sworn they'd saw one of the spiders throw up from the spinning, "we all fall down!"

She moved her hands down in a harsh motion and the spiders fell to the ground like bombs, all making thundering thudding sounds.

"Oh yeah, I'm good, I rock, right on!" she shook her bum as she jigged in the air.

"Accio Snape's Tommy gun!" Blaise yelled, concentrating hard.

Somewhere up on the trees on the highest branch Snape gaped at his student. "WHAT!?" he yelled.

"Well," Remus tapped his lip with a finger, "at least he's helping to fight back, just as long as he doesn't shoot anyone." He watched as Blaise caught the gun and started shooting at any spider within eye shot.

"B-but!" he looked teary and he pouted, "it's _mine!_ It's my favorite!"

"Oh don't be such a cry baby, that's my job," he sat back against the trunk of the tree and crossed his arms.

"...No sex tonight."

"You're no fun!"

There was a pause in which loud thumpings of giant footsteps could be heard. "What is that?" Snape looked around.

"Hagger!"

At this everyone froze and their blood ran cold.

-Last Minute Rambles-

Ron gulped down some of his coffee, set it down on the counter and huffed. "I only appeared in like...one part!" he complained.

"Soz," Without permission sweatdropped, "I was in writers block for this chappy, I think I have some idea for the next one though...I might even kill someone," she laughed evilly.

There's a silence as that cast stared that the crazy author. "You don't mean that...do you?" Draco asked shakily.

"You never know...but I know Cho's gonna die...I just need to find a good way how."

"Burn her!" Colin yelled.

"Shoot her!" Blaise punched the air.

"Curse her arse to next week then torment her in a torture chamber," Harry took a long swig of wine, "then pour acid all over her body, make her drink some too."

Everyone stared at the Boy Wonder. "Harry," Ginny said slowly, "you have issues."

"I know!" he smiled cutely.

"That wine's gotten to his head," his boyfriend muttered.

"Colin's worse," Blaise said miserably, "did you see what he did to those spiders?"

"Yes," Remus set down his butterbeer, "pardon my language but what the bloody fuck were you on about Wp?"

"We can get you help you know," Pansy said worriedly.

"I was having writers block," Without permission blushed, "and I was listening to some music that put me in that mood at the moment. I actually wanted something sillier to happen like, Draco picking up a spider's leg and go 'hey look! A dildo!'"

Pause.

"Without permission don't you dare write that up on one of the future chapters or I will strangle you to death and beyond," Draco threatened.

"Calm down," Pansy drank her coffee, forgetting that it was hot so she sputtered when she swallowed it, "ow! Hot!" she grabbed some ice from Wp's drink and stuffed it in her mouth. Ron watched amusedly as she visibly calmed down immediately, almost looking like she was had an orgasm.

'Must not think dirty thoughts!' he smacked his forehead a bunch of times.

"So what's the news for today?" Ginny turned to the authoress.

"Hm?" she blinked then straightened up, "oh right!" she drank some of her water, "soz if this chappy was short people and majorly late, but I had MAJOR writers block for this, I'll try to get the next one up sooner! The couple's will most definitely get their little freak on in the next chappy!"

"That's it?" Snape snapped, "god what a waste!" he downed the rest of his firewhiskey, "review or suffer the wrath of my Tommy Gun!"

"No need to be harsh," Remus said, drinking some more of his butterbeer.

"Has anyone noticed that Hermione's not here?" Pansy looked around the bar.

"You care?" Ginny laughed.

"No!" she blushed.


	12. Trapped!

Disclaimer: (pics ear) I don't own Harry Potter (flicks earwax) XD

Thanks Mucho for the reviews!

**Yana5**: lol thanks! :)

**Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares**: your character comes back! :) lol oh I wanna see that picture! Neville doesn't have any super powers because since everyone in the DA's all together I wanted one couple that had one person in the army and the other not. But don't worry, there's gonna be a certain chappy that'll have lots of Ginny/Neville stuff :)

**DemonRogue13**: lol I couldn't help it, that image was stuck in my head until I wrote it down XD

**LaraBlack**: lol thanks, TERRIBLY SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! T.T Yes Colin is freaky, hope you like the new chappy! :)

**xXxIce.PrincessxXx**: yes it is T.T and it's not about writers block either O.O anyway, I finally updated, so...YAY...it's bloody short though T.T

**Lyla Hayden**: thanks! :) sorry about the late ass update!

**sexAy-iranian23**: lol thank you XD

**Shui-Wing0**:yep they're all crazy XD heehee lol hope you like the LATE update (sweatdrop)

**Ryan's-heart's-desire**: lol he says thank you along with a bow lol

**Inylan**: O.O LMAO interesting way to die, I'm still thinking on how to kill her, she really needs to die XD

**CrazyLake42**:(gape) lol! XD yes school does suck, thank god for the winter break!

**Chang Wumei**: yes, I loathe her (hiss) lol this time it wasn't writers block, it was too many ideas jumbling in my head X.X twas bloody awful but here's chappy 12!

**Dru Black**: um...thanks? O.o

**Nichole08**: yes she does :) I'm planning on plenty of ways to kill her (holds up kitchen knife and flips it around while thinking of many laughable possible ways) mwahahaha XD

**Hannah C. Thaw**: thank you! (bear hug) lol Gin/Crabbe/Goyle? (dies) lol

**leftoversushi**: lol yeah that would have been hilarious, I'll have to stick that in somewhere...XD

**Sweetblood17**: thanks! soz this came out late!

**W**: the identity will come up in the end XD and thanks, I wanted the last minute rambles to be something that no one has crossed over before :)

**RootbeerFloat**: missed you too! And I finally updated!! :)

**SpikedDraco**: yes she is, it'll come up soon in a certain chappy, anyway, yeah...lol don't worry, Herm won't do anything drastic...I hope! Thanks! (big bear hug)

**A/N**: I FINALLY UPDATED!!! I'm so **sorry** for the lateness and shortness of this chapter! But at least it's finally here and in time for christmas XD. Anyway, I'm not too happy with this one, I just got back to typing this so it feels confusing and completely weird...

**MerryChristmas!**

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Trapped!

* * *

"This had better be good," Mr. Boss said, looking irritated at the interruption from his party. He still had the hat full of fruit on.

"He wasn't planning on killing Potter and the others; he's going to kill everyone!" Cho screamed hysterically, hair flying over her face.

"He's always like that! You called me up for that? Come on!" he turned off his side of the mirror.

"You don't understand! He's crazy! He-OH YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER!!!" she slammed the mirror to the ground, "I'm out of here, that's right!" she laughed insanely, "I'm off! I'll get a job at some bar! Yeah, yeah, I'm gone, bye bye! HA!" she grabbed her suitcase and started packing.

-

"How'd you guys escape?" Zani asked, sipping on her glass of pumpkin juice.

"It was brutal," Ginny said with enthusiasm, "we thought we were dead! Blaise had this tommy gun and started shooting the crap out of the giant-"

"Grawp," Harry said.

"Yeah whatever, anyway he was shooting the crap out of him right? Well Draco started playing tag with him, making him smash into trees and stuff, then Colin usedhis fire powers and put a few trees on fire, scaring Grawp, and then Harry knocked him out in one punch! ONE PUNCH!"

"What did you do?" Zoe asked.

"Oh I floated his body in a deeper part of the forest. IT WAS BRUTAL!!!"

"I think she's had a little too much-" Draco sniffed Ginny's empty cup, "firewhiskey."

"It was brutal!" the redhead continued, "you should have been there, Blaise was like-" she started making bullet sounds while pretending to hold a gun, "Colin was all WOOSH! Draco was crazy a fuck! Screaming and running! And Harry! BAM!" she swung her fist and knocked Hermione down. "It was bloody WICKED!!!"

Everyone looked down to where Hermione lay unconscious; her nose was bleeding a little.

"Nice one," Ron muttered.

"Ok I'm calm," Ginny sat down looking fully content, everyone stared at her oddly, "I needed to get it out of my system," she shrugged.

The door open and in stepped Neville holding a newspaper. "Hey," he said, sitting down on Hermione's empty seat, "what happened to her?"

"Ginny knocked her out," Harry said, gulping down his butterbeer.

"Oh, good going, Gin," he put the newspaper on the table, "I found something that you guys should know."

Everyone leaned over to look at the Prophet, Hermione woke up and leaned in too.

_Earlier this morning Lucius Malfoy escaped from Azkaban, his whereabouts right now are unknown. The only thing that was found in his cell was a note:_

_**He Must Pay!**_

_This sentence was repeated all over the paper. Narcissa Malfoy was unable to comment on her husbands escape due to the fact that she's in a different country doing charity, Aurors are on their way there at the moment. Meanwhile her son, Draco Malfoy, is also unable to be interviewed since he's currently in Hogwarts and Headmaster Dumbledore will not let any aurors ask him about the escape._

"Wow, hey your dad has issues," Harry said, leaning back on his chair, "has he ever considered therapy?"

"He escaped?" Draco paled, "FUCK!!!"

"What's wrong?" Hermione asked, still a bit whomped out by Ginny'smajor punch.

"Are you nuts!? He's escaped from Azkaban and looking for someone! He's insane! You DO remember he was a deatheater right!? HUH!? HUH!?" he stood up, slamming his hands on the table.

"Ok, calm down, love," Harry sat, pulling Draco down to sit on his lap, "it's not like he's coming after you."

"He wanted me a to be a GIRL!" screamed the blond, "a GIRL I tell you! I may be flamingly gay and all but I still like my happy stick thank you very much!"

"A girl?" Zani tried not to giggle.

"Yes!" wailed the blond, "he kept trying to persuade me to take a gender changing potion, the crazy fuck."

"Here, drink this," Mrs. Honeydukes said, bringing a steaming goblet, "calms you right down to the bone."

Draco took it and gulped it down only to spit it out, sending spray all over Neville's face. "This stuff tastes like shit!"

Mrs. Honeydukes took the goblet and inspected it, "oh it is, I'm sorry dear, I'll fix up a calming draught right now."

"No need!" Ginny said, blushing from wiping Neville's face from the Dookie Drink, "I'll do it," she jumped over the bar stand and grabbed a bunch of bottles that were displayed on the shelves.

Everyone watched entranced at the redheads speed. She set two cups on the table and started flipping around bottle after bottle, pouring in a little of this and that while not spilling a drop. After mixing the drink with the two cups she gave the finished mix to Draco who took it hesitantly.

He downed the cup, waited for the calming to kick in then past out. "My homemade specialty," Ginny grinned proudly.

"What's in it?" Harry gaped, holding Draco in a better position while sniffing the empty cup.

"That's a secret," she winked, putting away the bottles.

"You guys are gonna make a lot of money with her as your bartender," Neville said, eyeing the cup. Ginny blushed modestly.

"Oh stop," she blushed even more.

"Well, before you guys start making out, I need to piss," Ron stood up and walked to the bathroom.

The bathroom door blew open and Ron was flung inside, hitting his forehead on the wall. "Ginny!"

"It wasn't me," his sister said with wide eyes.

"Ron, are you hurt bad?" Pansy said worriedly, running to the bathroom, the same thing happened to her…except she landed on Ron instead of the wall. The door slammed shut.

"Ginny stop it!" Hermione yelled, not liking Ron and Pansy alone together…in a small room.

"It's not me! Really!" the young girl yelled back.

The candles hanging around the store flickered out and fell to the floor with a number of light thuds. "Colin? That _was _you wasn't it?" Blaise asked uneasily.

"No," his boyfriend answered in the same uneasy tone.

"What's going on?" Zaniasked, completely lost.

An evil cackle echoed through the walls.

"Hermione was that you?" Neville asked. He received a slap, "ow!"

-

"Mwahahahahaaa!" cackled Dumbledore, playing with his action figures, "take that!" he made one action figure punch the other, "die evil space monkey die! HAHAHAAAA!" he attached a tiny sword to the toy and made it attack the space monkey.

"Professor Dumbledore!" Snape knocked on the door. The bearded man squealed and grabbed his toys, throwing them under his pillows and some into his closet, "Headmaster!"

"Coming! Coming! Just a second!" the old man ran around the office, hiding his action figures without once considering to use his wand.

"Albus!" McGonagall yelled, joining Snape in pounding the door. "Albus open up!"

"Hang on! I'm naked!" he threw his toy dinosaur in his cabinet.

"We did not need to know that!" Snape said in a sing song way, "that's it I'm opening the door!" Dumbledore let out a high pitched scream before turning to face the two teachers, his Dark Vader toy behind his back.

"We need to talk," McGonagall said, striding inside followed by the potions teacher, "I'm sure you've heard about Lucius Malfoy escaping from Azkaban."

"Really?" Dumbledore said, sitting down on a pillow, he yelped when the sharp point of a toy poked him in the ass through the pillow.

"What's wrong?" the deputy head blinked in surprise.

"Nothing! Haha!" he stood up, "Malfoy's escaped?"

"Just this morning," Snape answered, "it's all over the Daily Prophet, we think it's Potter he's after, he _does _have a grudge on him."

"So do you but do you go out and murder the kid, _noooo,_" muttered the hippie.

"Excuse me?"

"No, nothing. So what do we do gentlemen?" McGonagall cleared her throat angrily, "gentlemen," he repeated causing the Gryffindor head's lips to thin into a line.

"They're the defense army, but how can they protect themselves?" Snape asked.

"Dude, why are you worried about Harry?"

"He's with my godson and if I don't do anything he'll blame me!"

"You have a godson?" McGonagall looked at the greasy haired man with wide eyes.

"Yes, I do."

"You do what?" Dumbledore asked.

"I have a godson."

"Really?"

"Yes really."

"So that makes you a godfather."

"Of course!"

"You're a godfather?" McGonagall asked.

"Yes! I am a godfather!"

"To who?" the two asked.

"To Draco you dolts! Good lord!"

"You're the godfather of Good Lord?" Dumbledore raised his eyebrows.

"No I'm-ok forget it," he tried to calm down, "now listen, I have an idea."

"Good for you!"

"Shut up!" his hair flew around, "ok," he breathed deeply, "my plan is to set up double the security spells especially to where Draco and his friends are sleeping at. Lucius knows how to counter plenty of spells so we should also add in alarms in the bedrooms and stuff."

"Oh I see," McGonagall tapped her bottom lip in consideration, "Albus what do you think?"

"Huh?" he looked away from one of the toys sticking out from under his desk, "yeah, yeah go on and do that," he waved them off. The two professors walked out of the office, talking quickly to each other about the spells they should put up.

Dumbledore sighed at he closed the door. He raised the Dark Vader toy he was still holding and placed a hand over his mouth. "I am your father!" he said in a muffled voice.

"Headmaster! Headmaster!" Cho yelled running up the spiral staircase.

"Oh what now!" complained the old man, turning to the door. It slammed open and hit him in the face making him fall over.

"Dumbledore!" Cho yelled angrily, suitcase in hand, "I quit!" she turned to leave while the poor man gingerly touched his burning nose.

"Ah…ah-CHOO!!!"

"What?" she growled, turning back.

"Not you! I sneezed! Ow…" he pouted at his pounding nose.

-

"Who's there!?" Harry called out, holding the still unconscious Draco tightly.

Blaise looked around carefully, using his X-ray vision to find the culprit. He looked from up to down to even the bowls of candy. "Nothing," he said, frowning at every corner, though it was pretty hard since it was dark and gradually getting darker from the sunset.

Mr. Honeydukes grabbed one of the unlit candles and lit it with his wand, it blew out just as quickly, "damnit."

"Dad what's happening?" Zaniasked; trusty marbles in hand just in case anything would try to attack her.

"Dunno, lumos," his wand lit up then faded away, "looks like using magic's out of the question."

Mrs. Honeydukes fumbled around the back of the counter until she found an old plastic flashlight. She flicked the switch and it lit brightly until it quickly dulled to nothing. "We'd better get out of here."

Ginny reached the door and pulled at the doorknob. "It's locked!" she pushed her weight against it but it wouldn't budge.

"I'm getting déjà vu," Harry murmured. Draco stirred and fluttered his eyes open.

"Harry?" the blond whispered faintly, trailing his hands to his boyfriends waist, "what's going on?"

"We're trapped."

"That's not nice."

* * *

**Last Minute Rambles**

"IAM SOOOOOOO **_EXTREMELY SORRY_** FOR THE **_MAJOR_** LATENESS OF THIS CHAPTER!!!!!" Wp cried, "this time it wasn't even writers block, it was de fact that me brain was getting filled up on so many different ideas for fics that I couldn't resist but start typing them up! I'll try my best to get the next chapter out sooner! And make it longer too, 9 pages?" she shook her head in shame.

"What a shame," Ron shook his head, dusting himself from the dust that collected on him through the long break from being updated.

The others joined in as well as stretched their stiff muscles. "Dear god I feel like a zombie," breathed Draco, "and my clothes!"

"Sorry," sniffed Wp.

"You need a hug," Harry said, shaking his head.

"Where's Hermione? She's not here again," Pansy said, looking around.

"Why do you care?" everyone said in unision.

"I don't!" she blushed, "I just feel suspicious that she'll do something bad to us."

"Riiight!"

"Oh hush!"

"So what are your plans for the next chapter?" Remus asked.

"How'd you and Snape escape from that tree?" Colin asked, sipping his coffee.

"After you guys fought the evil Grawp, me and Sevvy had a little fun then went back in the castle to have more fun! Then Sevvy got the letter about Lucius escaping so he had to take off leaving me to have fun on my own," explained the werewolf, drinking his cherry soda.

Everyone stared that their favorite former DADA teacher blankly. "Was it fun?"Draco asked after the long pause.

"Hell yeah!"

"Well I'm happy for you," he patted the man's shoulder.

The door burst open and Hermione marched in dressed as Santa Claus minus the beard. "Happy Christmas mother fuckas!!!" she yelled, jiggling her pillow stuffed tummy.

"She. Is.On. Crack," Blaise said, shaking his head.

"Presents?" Zani asked, eyeing the big bag that Hermione was holding over her shoulder.

"Gumballs for all!" the lunatic shouted joyfully, emptying the bag on the table. Everyone stared at all the gumballs that came tumbling down on the table, spilling to the floor. They were all in different colors and sizes, and there were even some with designs for christmas and other holidays.

Wp picked up a large gumball with a snowman on it and shook her head, her shouldersshaking in silent laughter, "only Hermione," she said, giggling a little.

"Review please! AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO Y'ALL!!!!!!!!" everyone yelled.


	13. Dude WTF?

Disclaimer: I don't (fart!) own Harry Potter (burp)

Thanks for the reviews!

**sexAy-iranian23**: uh heh! lol soz, if this was just as long as last time, Writer's block is being a badder bitch than before. Couldn't help it, I had to write Dumbly and his toys X3 lol

**Becky-Witter**: ah you changed yer name, interesting name by the way :) omg LOL that would be so funny for Cho to die! XD I'll try and do that thanks!

**DemonRogue13**: lol thanks! I'm glad you liked that scene! XD quite a few people seemed to like it too wow

**Starrarose**: thanks!

**IcePrincess**: lol, the name was so long I couldn't put it all in without blinking in shock lol, there's barely any slash here, hopefully there'll be more in the next chapter!

**black-ravenrose**: thankies! I'm working on the ones that I had to type, if you saw, one's already up, Doll, anyways, thanks for reviewing!

**leftoversushi**: lol, yep, Hermione's a nice lil freak lol, she's got a bit of me in her lol oh I LUV oreos!

**Ranma Higurashi**: lol thanks! Yes she's psycho!

**Slash-Lover**: mmm it's a possibility...heeheeheee! you'll just have to wait to find out XD

**Inylan**: lol this one isn't that funny (then again I shouldn't be saying anything what with me trying to get everything done all at once lol) but hopefully it's a lil satisfiying for now

**CrazyLake**: here's the new update! Hope's it was sooner than the last update!

A/N: Soz for another long lateness in this one, it's getting harder to get this done X( but it must and WILL be completed! yeah...

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Dude WTF?

* * *

"What's going on out there?" Pansy asked, poking the locked door with a pout.

"Sounds like a blackout," shrugged Ron, pulling out his wand, "lumos." His wand lighted up but quickly faded away, "mother f-" he stopped himself, seeing as there was a lady present…right…

"Well," Pansy sighed, sitting down next to him, "I guess the next best thing is to wait this out." She blushed lightly but Ron couldn't see, what with the all the darkness and stuff.

"Or we can use our powers."

"Yeah that too…"

-

"Whoever's doing this can you please come out?" Harry yelled aloud, "we won't hurt you," he glanced at everyone innocently toying with their weapons of choice, "let's sort this out like civilized people."

_"Must kill…"_ said a shaky and hissing voice.

"Yes and I must piss but unfortunately the oblivious duo snagged the bathroom first," Blaise grumbled, crossing his arms.

_"Huh?...No, really, I must kiiiill!"_

"Harry who is that?" Draco asked, snuggling closer to his boyfriend.

"Killer who wants to kill us," he shrugged.

"Really?" he arched an eyebrow, "son of a bitch…"

"Do you think they're snogging in there?" Ginny asked, looking at the bathroom curiously.

"Who Ron and Pansy?" Colin looked as well, "probab-OW!" he flinched and when a marble hit his head, "ZANI!" he turned, rubbing his head in pain.

"What?" she looked up confused while Hermione stood snickering behind her, holding her bag of marbles. Without saying anything, Zani made a blind lucky punch behind and hit the Gryffindorette square on the face, she fell, "what?"

Colin watched as the marbles spilled out of Hermione's hands, "oh…nothing…"

_"HEY! Did you HEAR ME? I MUST **KIIIILL**! Fucking assholes…"_

"Hey!" Draco shouted, standing up, "do you hear ME?" he pulled down his pants and mooned the ceiling, "kiss my gorgeous arse I could fucking care less!"

_"…"_

"I think you scared him…" Harry said as the blond pulled up his pants.

_"…must-kill…"_

"Bugger," muttered Draco.

-

"Why aren't we calling for help?" Ron asked suddenly as he played with a towel that hung over his head.

"I'm too comfy," was the answer along with a body leaning close to him.

"Hm, good point," he wrapped an arm around the girl causing her to blush furiously, "might as well check what they're thinking about." Pansy nodded and watched in fascination at how quick the redhead's face suddenly set into concentration.

"D-do you see anything?" she asked hesitantly; not knowing that she was clinging to his shirt.

"Two people are thinking about shagging each other…that's got to be Harry and Draco…one's thinking about gumballs so that's Hermione…" he frowned even more, "um…there's one on cooking and Blaise, that's Colin…the other one has to be Blaise since it's got Colin all over it," he blushed at the images, "damn, he's a pervert in disguise! Sort of…erm…and here's one about fighting and…Neville?" his eyebrows suddenly shot up, "heh, Ginny, oh, I see the Honeydukes's, theirs is all about candy, kids, and one's more on marbles…geez," Pansy giggled, "here's one on Ginny…I think…it's kind of vague, maybe that's Nev-hey!" his ears reddened, "if he puts one finger on her I'll…oh fuck it, I keep saying that and she's still going out with everyone," he shook his head.

"That's it?" the Slytherinette blinked.

"Yeah pretty mu…" his head lolled to the sighed as another vision took over his head.

"Ron?" Pansy quivered, holding his arm tightly, "RON!"

-

_It was a darkening world…full of whispering voices saying ancient prophecies…_

_The most dangerous of all…_

_...The murder…the kill…the death…the pizza…the end of the world…_

-

"Ro-" Pansy suddenly blushed when a hand started creeping up her thigh towards her 'sacred spot', the hand felt so soft and gentle against her that she immediately felt herself getting wet, "Ron…"

She let out a yelp when two strong hands flipped her over so that she ended up sitting on Ron's lap. "Someone else is here," he whispered in a low voice against her ear. The Slytherinette shivered at the hot breath ghosting over her ear and down her neck.

"W-who?" she trembled, arching her back slightly at the gentle fingers trailing up her back.

"The killer…" he moved forward and kissed Pansy roughly.

Hey, if apocalypse was coming he might as well have a few shags with his crush!

-

"Is the voice gone?" Neville asked, glancing around in hopes of spotting the creepy murmuring wannabe killer.

"No…I can feel him," Ron said, frowning and causing everyone to scream in surprise.

"…Hermione!" Ginny yelled looking flushed, "If you're changing then at least warn us!"

"Eh, feck off," the Hermione turned Ron sniffed, "anyway, the killer's here, he's going on about some prophecy he made up, obviously he's from St. Mungo's so that narrows down our culprit."

Everyone stared at the shape shifter, so speechless that they looked stupid.

"Gumball," Zani said uncertainly, her eye twitching at the shock.

"WHERE!" she turned back to herself and looked around fretfully, tongue hanging out like a dog, "AH! GUUUMBAAAALL!" Ginny quickly put her arms over her chest with a panicked look, "GUMBALL! GUMBALL!"

To everyone's surprise, the rabid gumball freak went after Zani.

"OUCH!" screamed the Honeydukes's daughter, "GET HER OFF! SHE'S TRYING TO EAT MY RIGHT BOOB!"

"Aww, aren't they having fun?" Mrs. Honeydukes said admiringly, "we never did that when we were young," she pouted.

"That's because we weren't the ones with brain damage," her husband muttered.

"GET HER OFF!...oh wait…SHIT! SHE'S CHEWING MY BOOB!"

-

"Gotta get out! Gotta get out!" Cho squealed to herself as she dragged her trunk through the streets of Hogsmeade, "damnit! Why's it so empty? It's fucking creepy!"

It was true. Hogsmeade looked completely abandoned, there were even discarded papers blowing around in the wind, and the rats were nowhere to be found either.

"Mommy I want my blanky…" trembled the former Ravenclaw, "I need candy…candy and a rifle!"

_"HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!"_

"AHHH!" she screamed, running towards Honeydukes, "candy! I need candy! Need to calm my nerves!"

But in her stupidity and fright she ended up banging herself hard against the door, therefore, falling unconscious.

The people inside wondered what that sudden noise was but then dismissed it as a knock on the door.

"We're locked in!" Ginny's muffled voice said through the door.

The person standing outside over Cho's unconscious form said, "OK!" back before lifting the scrawny Asian girl and walking away, whistling to a death tune, "I finally get to kill you!" he giggled under his black hood.

-

"Ok, he's gone," Ginny turned back to the others, "what?"

"That could have been our ticket out of here!" shouted Harry.

"Oh…" she looked back at the door, "hmm….well, now what?"

_"Must…kill…"_'

"Oh shut up!" shaking her head, Ginny sat down next to Neville, "I need a chocolate bar…"

"Yummy gumball…" Hermione murmured.

Everyone looked back at the two girls; so far Hermione had Zani on the floor…still in the delusion that the other girls' boobs were gumballs. Why wasn't she getting pushed off? Because Zani was in a state of shock.

There was a set of muffled moaning and groaning. Harry looked over at Blaise and Colin. The younger boy was sleeping on the Slytherin's lap but they weren't making the noises. He turned to Neville and Ginny…nope, they were still in a state of denial…then where the hell was that noise…

"Oh my," he looked behind him and sighed in relief. Mr. and Mrs. Honeydukes were playing Rock Paper Scissors like responsible adults…

"Hm…" Draco snuggled deeper in his arms, "looks like Ron and Pansy finally got together…you're so comfy, like a pillow…"

"Ron…and Pansy?" blushed Harry, glancing at the bathroom door.

"Yep," the blond answered, giving him a kiss on the neck, "bloody hell, Ginny's drink really knocked me out."

"It's supposed to knock you out for several hours," said girl responded, "you should be feeling drowsy."

"Eeeh…fuck off…" he yawned.

_"Until we meet again…"_

The candles flickered back on and the door creaked open letting in a shining burst of sunlight into the store.

"Halleluiah!" shouted Ginny, running outside and kissing the ground only gag in disgust at what she just did.

"Uh Ginny?" Harry said, standing next to her with a sleepy Draco in his arms, "we've only been here for like…a half hour or something…"

"What's your point?" the redhead blinked up at him.

"Come on, we'd better leave before we're trapped again," Neville said, helping her up.

"OH MY GOD!" shouted Mrs. Honeydukes when she opened the bathroom door revealing a naked Ron and Pansy humping the living daylights out of each other, "THERE'S A MESSAGE ON THE MIRROR!"

Blaise walked over, carrying Colin like a baby, and read the message, "'Apocalypse will begin when the bitch is killed by my hand'," he looked around the store, "which one?"

"Hermione?" Pansy suggested before crying out in pleasure at Ron's quick and hard pacing.

"We'd better tell Dumbledore then," sighed Harry, secretly hoping that the bitch in the message was Cho.

"GET OFF ME!" Zani shouted, snapping out of her shock.

-

"Here they come," McGonagall murmured, looking out the window.

"And we don't care mucho!" murmured Dumbledore, singing to a muggle spanish song.

"Ugh! _Minerva!_ You're such a pervert!" Remus said, putting a hand over his chest in mock disgust.

"Wha-NOT LIKE THAT!" she yelled, a pink shade staining her cheeks, "I meant Potter and the others! They're coming back!" she pointed out the window sharply, "perverted werewolf!" she muttered, crossing her arms angrily.

"Why thank you!"

"Do you guys think Harry'll take the job of DADA teaching?" Dumbledore asked, fiddling with a flower.

Snape turned to him bewildered, "Headmaster, put the flower down."

"Dude, we must appreciate nature's beauty," he put the flower in his hair and crossed his arms.

"Old man lost his balls," the Potions professor muttered.

"Have not! See look," he unzipped his jeans and reached for the waistband of his Hello Kitty boxers.

"ARGH! NO! THE HORROR!" he hid behind Remus, trembling.

"AHEM!" McGonagall cleared her throat, trying to grab their attention, it didn't work, "AHEM!" she tried again, nothing, "HEM HEM!" she did an Umbridge. All three mean squealed in terror before turning to her. "Focus! We must tell the defense army of the new protection shields now come!" she walked out of the headmasters office briskly before muttering, "Poufs!"

-

He stood towering over her trembling form, a large ax in his hand and a hidden maniacal grin under his hood. Chilling snickers escaped his lips as he traced the trembling figures face with the tip of his ax.

"This isn't enough," he said in a smooth voice, "not enough for you."

The tied and gagged Cho looked up at the killer confusedly, could it be that she could make it out alive?

"They must all know, they must all realize that they will all soon die," he pulled back his ax and sat down on a nearby crate, opening another and pulling out a sugar quill, "oh! My fav!" he immediately started sucking on the tip while Cho looked back in horror.

Sugar!

No this was torture! How can he eat that in front of her like that? NO!

"Which one do you think I should take?Potter or Malfoy?" the dark hooded man asked casually. Cho squealed in either delight or horror, "eh, thought so," he shrugged, crossing his legs, "maybe I should help that red haired girl and Longbottom kid? They SOOO want each other you know?" he suddenly stood up and stepped in the shadows behind the staircase.

The door upstairs opened and down trudged Zani, muttering to herself, "that Hermione! We should put protection spellson the gumball jars! And on my boobs too!" she opened a crate and pulled out three bags of gumballs.

Cho tried to scream through the cloth in her mouth. The Honeydukes girl turned and spotted her. There was a pause.

"That's one large rat…better call the exterminator," she turned around and walked up the stairs, tripping over her shoelaces twice.

NO! She left! Cho tried to stand up but nearly fell over.

Wait a minute…RAT? How dare that girl call her a freakin' RAT!

The killer stepped out of the shadows, sniggering under his breath. "Looks like you're stuck with me," he pulled back his hood, smirking down at the former professor, "we're gonna have fun together."

All Cho could do now was glare at the man. Out of all the people why did HE have to be the bad guy!

Meanwhile back at Cho's old office, the mirror jumped up and down on the floor fretfully.

"Damnit Chang!" shouted the reflection of the boss, "I want you to see my newly manicured nails!"

**_-Last Minute Rambles-_**

"It was short again," Draco said, setting down his coffee, "and a bit boring if you ask me."

"I know I'm sorry," sighed Wp, sipping her Inca Cola, "it's just that I've been trying to get my schoolwork done, and I've been reading a bunch of fanfics on that adultfanfiction site," she blushed, "and I've also been working on this one-shot that's been bugging me the whole time."

"Really?" Harry perked up.

"Yeah, but you're not the main character, it's actually Ron," she smiled sheepishly, "I've fallen in love with the guy," she sighed dreamily.

"It's the red hair," nodded Pansy, taking a swig from her butterbeer.

"I know, I mean, have you seen my art? Most of them are Ron Art!"

"Eh," the Slytherin girl shrugged, "see? Red hair. And thank GOD you finally got me and Ron together!"

"I thought I'd die a virgin!" Ron said, chewing into his big chocolate chip cookie. Everyone stared at him in shock, "what?"

"Well then, what about me!" pouted Draco, "I thought you loved me!"

"Oh I do, but Ron feels so easy to write, you have this cold snobbish air that's not really easy for me to write."

"Hmph!" he crossed his arms, "_right._"

"Ok, before this turns into war," Remus said, looking at Draco warningly, "why don't you tell us what the last rambles for today are Wp."

"Oh…heh," Wp gulped down her Inca Cola, "I'm really sorry for the long wait, I wanted to update everything at once, it turned out to be a bad idea since I had to think up different things at the same time so I ended up only updating Blue Blood as well as put up a new story called Doll…sorry about that, my brain's feeling a bit stupid so I'm gonna have to take a lil break. Everything's being updated, except the few dormant ones unfortunately, so…thank god for that."

"When are you gonna update that other one? The one with the comfooter?" asked Pansy, swiveling her butterbeer.

"I really don't know, and it's called a comPUter," Wp admitted, "I had everything planned in the beginning but now that I read through it, the chapters are kinda…crappy, but hopefully I'll put up something new, and as for the Giver fic, Beyond, I have a good idea for the next chapter but I'm getting lazy with typing it up. Anyway…yeah…"

"Lazy bitch," muttered Snape, taking a big bite out of Ron's cookie.

"Hey!" shouted the redhead.

"Oh! And the other reason for my lack of updates is that I was reading these two awesome comic books, Only the Ring Finger Knows and Selfish Love! They both rock! I had to showit to my classmates, I think I turned two of my friends into slash lovers," Wp snickered, "and the funny thing was that the few classmates that didn't like it just kept looking through the extra stories on Selfish Love, heheh, I think they liked it! The pervs…"

Everyone looked at the authoress blankly.

"Well then, review please, if Wp makes anuda late update then we'll torture her," smiled Colin.

"Love, you're creepy," grinned Blaise.

"Thank you."

"Read _Only the Ring Finger Knows_ and _Selfish Love_! You'll love 'em!" shouted Wp as she was getting attacked by everyone.


	14. Once Again With the Beds

Disclaimer: (looks around) hi (inches towards the ownership of Harry Potter and steals it) bwahahahahaaaa! (caught by cops and then arrested) _maaan_…

**Starrarose**: more H/D slash and a (gasp) DRAMATIC ENDING! to that chapter lol psyche nah

**DemonRogue**: I agree whole heartedly (high five)

**Aelita E. Mlafoy**: Drag Queen party? (thinks about it) I was thinking on one for my Doll fic XD so lovely XD (bear hug)

**sexAy-iranian23**: sorry sorry sorry! (whimpers and shrinks) although as a plea for forgiveness the characters are doing as they promised in the last minute rambles (cowars)

**leftoversushi**: lmao! XD ...Hello Kitty Spoon? (tears up) (sniff sniff) I ain't got one

**Falcon Zanbandia of Nightmares**: I never get any emails from this site anymore (pouts) my stupid hotmail account doesn't let me accept them and I _KNOW_ I didn't put a block on them. Sorry for not contacting you! I'm always on the other computer and it has NO internet connection T.T I'll try to IM you or email you as soon as possible (like after my shower, I smell like the pool X.X)

**Kat Davi**: really? (swells up) tell her The Dementors Kiss is MY favorite! X) I luv it! I guess she might have gotten the hint from my reviews XD

**CrazyLake42**: soz for the god long wait X.X so much in my life (I'll explain later in the Last Minute Rambles) got me preoccupied T.T

**fifespice**: and the plot thickens with the end of this chapter O.O OoooOOOoo...er...yeah XD soz about my slow ass! I never realized how busy life can be

**Anon-a-miss**: lol soz for my cliffhangers XD still a fan? (bear hug!) I never see you at school anymore T.T what's up?

**woelfin-akhuna**: PRAISE GOD I FOUND MY MUSE AGAIN! (bends down and kisses the floor) ah yes, Colin is a lovely little freak XD I love him (hugs plushie) he's so cute!

**gray angel**: and so they shall (snicker) more plot builds up after this chapter and so help me if I don't update faster, shoot me XD

**moonlight-dragons**: I've got my muse back and I'm going to update faster, even if it means putting some of my other fics on hold because in all do respect I STARTED THIS AND I WILL END IT! in a good way XD

**A/N SPECIAL!**: Ladies, Gentlemen, others...I'M BACK IN BUSINESS BABY! (dances) I should be able to update faster though I doubt the chapters will be long T.T BUT I WILL GET THE NEXT CHAPTER NOT IN THREE MONTHS NOT IN TWO MONTHS BUT MOST LIKELY A WEEK! (faints) ok you can read now heehee!

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: Once Again With the Beds!

* * *

Dumbledore strummed his guitar like a professional guitarist. "Liiiife," he sang, eyes closed peacefully, he strummed again, "is, like, totally aaawwesooome," he continued strumming while McGonagall, Lupin, and Snape watched with comically large and shocked eyes.

"The horror," Snape whispered dramatically.

"Where'd he get the guitar?" Remus looked around confusedly, "what the hell?"

"Ugh…" McGonagall shook her head and rubbed her temples.

"The piiiizzaaa is coooold!" Dumbledore sang on, strumming his guitar and bopping his head up and down, his white hair flailing up and down wildly, "and my pants are soiled! Oh yeah!"

"Oh god," McGonagall covered her mouth, the signature sign of 'oh my god I'm gonna barf _real_ bad!'

Finished with his random song, Dumbledore raised his bony hands and made the peace and devil horns signs. "Thank you good night!"

Clearing his throat, Remus stepped up and pat the old man's shoulder, "Headmaster sir? Let me by the hundredth person to tell that, you're completely bonkers!" he said good naturally.

"Why thank you, honey," he pat the werewolf's hand, "so! What's on the agenda today?"

"Finding the murderer," McGonagall said through gritted teeth, "Albus there have been seventeen-"

A scream from outside caught their attention, McGonagall rushed to the window and watched as a Ravenclaw seventh year got a chest full of bullets by the cloaked and hooded murderer.

"Eighteen murders," McGonagall corrected herself, "Albus I think it's time to close the school."

"You know, you could have just hexed the murderer since he was right there," Remus said, crossing his arms.

Looking back out the window, McGonagall could only see the body of the Ravenclaw, the killer was gone. "Damn!"

"What the hell is our defense army doing?" growled Snape.

Dumbledore watched the professors while sucking on a blueberry flavored lollipop. Everyone slowly turned to him. He held up a jar full of lollipops, "want one?" he blinked innocently.

* * *

Ginny hummed softly when a soft breeze blew over her. She turned on her bed and hugged the source of warmth that kept her warm for the night. Her hand caressed the warmth and slipped under the sheets.

Her hand ran over something long, smooth, hard, and silky.

"Dick?" she peered an eye open…then commenced to let her jaw drop in a silent scream.

Neville stirred awake with a smile before opening his eyes. "Holy-" he sat up quickly only to realize that he was butt ass naked, "ah!" he covered himself with the sheets, causing them to slip off Ginny to reveal her whole chest.

Neville paused and stared non-stop at the redheads' chest. "Niiiiice," he said after a long minute.

"What happened?" Ginny asked, not bothering to cover herself. Hey, she was already revealed, what's the point of covering herself when Neville already saw her?

"Huh?" he looked up, "oh-I don't know!"

"Not again," she shook her head, "what do you last remember?"

"Coming here-I mean the school! We were _going_ to the school after we were trapped in Honeydukes!"

"Something happened," Ginny frowned, tapping her chin, "you don't remember anything else?"

"Uh-no," he was back to staring at her boobs.

"We'll have to go to Dumbledore…" there was a pause before Ginny snatched the sheets from Neville and stared boldly at his cock, forcing herself not to gush she said, "niiiiice."

Neville truly was a beautiful boy.

* * *

Harry woke with a start, what the hell was poking his ass at such an ungodly hour? He glanced at the clock, it read one o'clock in the afternoon…ok so it wasn't so early…

Turning halfway he saw a familiar blond teen sleeping close behind, his arm lazily rapped around his waist. Oh…he was dreaming…Harry smirked and eased his low backside closer to Draco's need. From this position the raven head looked a lot like some sort of human cat.

"Mmph," Draco stirred but went back to sleep, bucking his hips forward so that his hard member brushed against Harry's entrance. The Gryffindor gasped quietly before carefully inching his entrance to Draco's tip, he could feel himself gradually growing hard.

The Slytherin bucked his hips forward again, this time reaching destination and getting his tip in Harry who hissed and closed his eyes tightly before forcing himself to relax and sink a little lower, getting Draco's size in him. Trust his super powers to make the pain go away quickly.

Breathing faster, lips parted, Harry closed his eyes and forced more of Draco in him. The tip brushed his prostate and his back arched in pleasure, he bit his lip to stifle his cry.

The blond's arm around his waist tightened as Draco began to pound him.

_'Damn! That's one hell of a dream he's having!'_ Harry thought in awe, meeting in beat with his sleeping boyfriend.

"Ha-Harry," murmured Draco, his hand slipping down to stroke Harry. Suddenly, the Slytherin giggled and Harry knew at once that he was awake.

"Ah! You-god!-sod!" he blanched before crying in ecstasy as he came hard in Draco's pumping hand.

* * *

Blaise woke up smiling. Through the whole night he was contentedly sleeping under a nice warm comforter…that was strangely heavy.

"Morning, love," murmured Colin sleepily, kissing his neck before frenching the confused Slytherin.

"How'd we get here? Was there a party?" Blaise looked around the bedroom. Their clothes were all over the floor, but how the hell did they get there? "We'd better go to Dumbledore," he sat up and got out of bed, not minding in the least that he was nude.

"Aww," Colin pouted, he was also nude and considerably hard too, "can't we just stay for a little while longer," he sat up, the sheets on his shoulders slipping off and revealing his full nakedness.

Blaise turned to his boyfriend and let his eyes wander over the toned young body and the deliciously hard cock that lay between the two nice long legs. "Ok," he said immediately, dropping his shirt and jumping back on the bed earning a 'woot!' from Colin.

* * *

Pansy sat up abruptly by the sound of a door slamming and confused voices becoming loud and then fading away followed by another slam of a door. Figuring nothing was wrong; Pansy lay back in bed only to face a stunned Ron, she smiled.

"Oh. My. Gumball. God," he said slowly.

Pansy's smiled quickly wiped off. Oh no…not…no…

Ron's hair curled and elongated, turning brown, his freckles disappeared and his bare flat chest became rounder and slightly tanner.

"SHIT!" Pansy jumped out of bed, grabbing the sheets, she ran out of Hermione's room shouting, "I'VE BEEN RAPED BY A GUMBALL FREAK!"

She ran past the common room to her own room missing Ron sit up from the sofa and stare confusedly after her.

* * *

The door burst open and in thundered Ginny and Neville. "Professor it happened again!"

All four adults stared at the two students in surprise before Remus started to stifle is laughter.

"What is so funny?" Ginny twitched.

"You're-y-hahahahaa!" he fell into a fit of uncontrollable giggles.

"What?" Neville looked at the laughing teachers confusedly.

Dumbledore, who wasn't laughing, smiled and pat their shoulders, "children, did you have sex?"

"What?" they blushed.

"Oh it's no big dead, it's all about love," he laughed, putting on his round rimmed purple tinted sunglasses.

"We didn't have sex," Ginny said through gritted teeth, gradually blushing harder, "we didn't-did we?" she turned to Neville and found the reason why the professors were laughing. She looked at herself and gasped. They were wearing each other's uniforms, "NEVILLE!"

"I didn't do anything!" he gaped back at her. Ginny had to admit, for a guy who used to be round and then lost so much weight; he was really pretty in a skirt, especially since it was short, "…could this pass for a kilt?" he looked at his-_Ginny's _skirt thoughtfully.

"Yeah…if you're a man-whore," she raised an eyebrow at him, clearly liking what she was seeing.

"I am not a man-whore!" he stomped his foot, "and your shoes are painfully small," he winced.

Done with her laughing, McGonagall took in the seriousness of the situation, "did the others end up in each others beds too?"

"I don't know," Ginny pulled up her falling pants.

"We'd better go to the tower then, lead the way crossdressers."

* * *

Cho looked around the basement of Honeydukes for anything that could free her and spotted something shining out of one of the open crates.

Transfixed by the shiny thing, Cho wormed her across the floor and reached the crate. Flopping up and looking at the shiny thing, her eyes sparkled, it was a four foot sugar quill!

Then she started crying.

She was gagged so she couldn't eat the quill.

'_WHY?_' she cried in her head.

The door from upstairs opened again and Zani skipped downstairs, waking past Cho and grabbing the large quill. Ignoring the woman's whimpers, she walked happily back up the stairs and shut the door.

'_She will die,_' Cho thought furiously.

"How _are_ you, darling?" giggled an echoing voice. Cho plopped to the floor grumpily only to yelp and jump back up when her ass hit the sharp end of the lid of a crate, "doing well, I see?"

The Asian woman shook her head pathetically and carefully sat back down. 'Fuck off,' was one thing she wanted to say, the second was, 'that bitch stole my sugar quill!'

"I think I have an idea for my plan to work, so you just sit there like a good little girl…and try not to squirm, the Honeydukes's keep mistaking you for a rodent, tata darling!"

A number of nasty little words were muffled from the gag as Cho sat up angrily, what she was trying to say was, "I'm not no stinky rodont! What plan are you talking about? Free me you insensitive ponce!"

And on and on and on… (cute little pink stuffed bunny in sunglasses suddenly strolls past Cho, banging rhythmically on his Engergizer drum).

* * *

"Pansy what's the matter? Come on, open the door and tell me everything, I promise I won't tell," Ron whined, banging on the girl's door, "open the door for Merlin's sake, woman!"

"Go away! The most horrid thing has happened to me and I do not wish to see anyone!"

"It can't be that bad!" the redhead continued to whine, "I'm sure having sex with Hermione couldn't have been that bad…" he paused, "…ok it could-but you still have me!"

"I've lost my virginity to a gumball whore!" she sobbed.

"No you didn't! I did you in the bathroom back at Honeydukes!" his ears went red at the injustice of not being remembered in having even a fling.

"That was really you?" the sobs momentarily sobbed.

"Yes!"

"RON!" the door opened and Pansy pulled him in, "THEN DO ME AGAIN!"

"What? Well ok," he eyed her still naked form.

* * *

"AHH!" Colin arched his back and came, spilling his seed on Blaise's stomach.

"Happy?" Blaise smiled, hugging his boyfriend tightlty. Colin nodded softly against his neck, "good," he darted his tongue at the tip of the younger boy's ear, "because you know what?" he kissed his neck softly.

"What?" breathed the Gryffindor.

"Now," he pushed him back to kiss him, "we have to get to the bottom of this case."

"Aw," Colin pouted cutely and Blaise giggled, "do we hafta?"

"Mhm."

"Ok…" he bowed his head sadly, then snapped it back up happily, "then it's more sex after that right?"

"Of course," he smirked.

"Yay!"

"Good, now," he sat up and got out of bed, dressing himself up, "we have to get to the professors."

"Already?" Colin's smiled dropped.

* * *

The doors opened and the two crossdressers stepped in, followed by the professors who looked around in surprise.

"Where's everyone else?" McGonagall asked, looking around bewilderedly.

"Harry and Draco are probably doing itlike bunnies-or dogs, Colin and Blaise…probably the same thing, I saw Ron on one the couches, Hermione and Pansy?" Ginny paled, "oh dear."

Neville snickered.

"That poor child," McGonagall shook her head.

"Which one?" everyone said in unison.

"Pans-CAN WE GET BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND GENTLEMEN?" Ginny huffed angrily. "AND LADY?"

"Oh, you're already here," Blaise walked down the stairs and joined the group before spotting Ginny and Neville, he eyed the boy with a raised eyebrow, "nice skirt."

"I like the breeze."

"Oh my god!" Colin gaped, "you're in a skirt!"

"Yes, and she's in my uniform," Neville nodded to Ginny who forgot to hold up her pants, they fell down easily revealing a pair of boxers, "…are those mine?"

Everyone looked at Neville warily. Ginny lifted his skirt and everyone's eyes widened when they saw him wearing the Weaslette's silky pink panties.

"Wow," Remus eyed Neville's ass appreciatively, "nice arse."

All of the sudden Ginny wrenched the neckline of Neville's shirt revealing a strap that undoubtedly belonged to a bra.

"True crossdresser, you are a true crossdresser," clapped Colin. Neville blushed in embarrassment.

"I didn't realize I was wearing everything of hers," he mumbled uncomfortable, "but I _did_ feel a strange tightening around my chest-"

"Enough!" McGonagall yelled, "we must get going with the plot of this story! POTTER! MALFOY! WEASLEY! PARKINSON! GRANGER! GET YOUR ARSES DOWN HERE THIS SECOND WE HAVE AND IMPORTANT MATTER TO DISCUSS!"

No reply, McGonagall fumed.

"I SAID GET DOWN HERE THIS MINUTE! NOW!" she yelled, stomping both her feet like a child, or wild rock star.

"Um…okay!" Ron yelled. There was a pause and then Ron and Pansy emerged from their room covering their privates with pillows. Harry and Draco came out, both wrapped together in a single bed sheet, and Hermione came out of her own room dressed in a black dress and hat with a veil.

"I have betrayed my love for gumballs, may their goodness rest in piece," she said, her head bowed and palms pressed against each other in prayer, "amen to the Gumball Lord."

Everyone stared at her for a good long minute. "Does this mean you're back to normal?" Harry asked curiously.

Hermione's snapped her head up, "shut it," she blew her nose with a handkerchief and wiped her tears, "now…what is it you sex addicts want to talk about?"

Before anyone could answer, the lights went out, the windows inked into blackness and everyone started screaming.

"What happened?"

"Who turned off the sun?

"Shut up!"

"Ah! Something's got me! Help!"

"What? Draco!"

"AHHHH!"

"BWAHAHA!"

"Who the fuck is that?"

"Oh my god…I'm the killer! I kill people! You know, with an ax?"

"…Oh."

"Help me!"

"No! Draco! Leave him alone you dirty old man!"

"Dumbledore's taking Draco?"

"Hey I'm not dirty!...I just don't believe in haircuts, that's all."

"Oh for god's sake, lumos!"

The room was lit for a split second but everyone could see that Draco was being pulled away from Harry by some cloaked figure. It was dark again.

"Get him!"

"I want my mummy…no wait, I want my teddy!"

"Weasley hush up, Draco where are you?"

"Here!"

"Where?"

"HERE!"

"BLOODY WHERE?"

"Let me go! Do that lumos thing again!"

Too late, the lights flickered on, the inked windows cleared up and after blinking at the sudden brightness, everyone looked at Harry and Draco's direction.

Except Harry was holding on to Ron, Draco was gone.

"Shit!" Ginny looked around while Blaise used his nifty X-Ray power to check the area.

"Nothing," he frowned, looking at the floor, checking for hidden passageways, "wait…" he squinted his eyes, "there!" he pointed to the fireplace, "he's headed for Hogsmeade!"

"Out of my way," Harry wrapped the bed sheet more securely to himself.

"You're going in a bed sheet?" Hermione said dully.

"I'm going as an ancient Roman!"

Before he reached the door however, the light went off again. More screams, more laughter, and then nothing. The lights flickered back on and Harry found himself fully clothed and standing in the empty Transfiguration room.

"The fuck?" he looked around confusedly.

**_Last Minute Rambles_**

"Well," Ron sipped his butterbeer and set it could with an audible 'ah' "we're doing as we promised."

"Yep," smiled Pansy, "we're torturing Wp."

Wp's bottom lip trembles. She's tied to her chair, unable to reach her cup of mango juice.

"Okeedoky," Colin crackled his knuckles and sniggered, the authoress looked at him with terrified eyes.

(_Pause for suspense_)

"BWAHAHAHAHAAA AHAHAA HAHA! AH!" Wp squirmed in her chair, thrashing her legs to push away the tickling boy, "st-hop! Can't breathe! AHAHAHAHA!"

"Apparently Wp is sensitive to tickles therefore, she's very ticklish," Hermione nodded assuredly, sipping on her green tea.

"Are you gonna stay normal?" Pansy asked curiously.

"Possibly not," she shrugged, "I'm an unpredictable girl, I might be goth in the next chapter," she drank more of her tea.

"HAHAHA! OK! OK! STOP! PLEASE!" Wp shook her head, her face turning bluer with every laugh.

Colin stepped back, satisfied with his little job, "now, explain."

Wp faced the readers guiltily. "Ok…let's see, there was Terra Nova testing, they were the biggest bitch of the year, um…me trying to pass my classes and failing miserably, sadly I only pass French, which is kind of cool since I don't speak French, haha!"

"And?" Colin eyed his fingers interestedly.

"Um!" Wp gulped, "there was also this weird thing, I just found out that my aunt's been suffering from depression for years so…I was a little down because I never knew and it didn't make me happy enough to write. There's also this thing with my Sweet Sixteen," she pretended to die, "oh my god…and it's a barbeque/garage thing, as shlumy as that sounds it'll actually be kind of cool, since my mom has my artistic ability to help her," she smirked smugly.

"Show off," muttered Harry.

"Anything else?" Pansy blinked innocently.

"Well…if anyone's reading any of my other fics, including Blue Blood, I'm so sorry for not updating, I really couldn't find the time, or feeling to write because of everything that's happening. Erhm…I _do_ have an ending for all the fics-finally-so all I need are the fill-ins to get there! And don't worry about Draco, he'll hopefully be safe!"

"Good," Colin grabbed the mango juice and let Wp drink some, "now back to the torture."

"What? Oh come o-HAHAHAHAAA!"

"Review please," Ginny blew the readers a kiss.


End file.
